Mini-Cap: Most Eligible Dallas

Recaps

By Slumrville | Tuesday, October 4, 2011 | 12:48 pm | 10 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Most Eligible Dallas, Recaps

After a week of gay confrontation and high drama, this week’s installment was somewhat of a let down.  Most of the good stuff happened off camera, which is rather odd, since these people are supposed to be tailed by cameras at all times, right?  It’s annoying, but we have no choice but to deal, so let’s get on with it, shall we?

99. MiniCap Pic

Some things, we don’t need a camera crew to be around for.

One week after Ken Doll (Matt) decides to dip his big toe in the big scary pool of DATING, he succumbs to The Shrew’s (Courtney) machinations to keep him all to herself.  They have a heart to heart about Hot Mama and her toddler/divorce baggage, and it’s enough to send Ken Doll running back to his little black book.  He takes Hot Mama (Neill) to an art gallery where they sit in darkness, literally, and he proceeds to break up with her by telling her about how the Shrew basically told him to.  HAHAHAHA!!!!  What a dumbass!  But Hot Mama shrugs it off, as well she should.

Speaking of send-offs, Baldy McSixPack (Glenn) packs up Lucky Ex and drives her to the airport.  They share an emotional good-bye at the curb with lots of hugs, kisses, I love you’s, and general adorableness.  Baldy laments her departure and considers monogamy for a second before attending Ken Doll’s pool party, where his head is turned by dozens of pairs of fake boobs and bare asses.  He does have a minor revelation, in that Lucky Ex is beautiful AND she can hold down her half of a conversation.  There’s hope for him yet, if he can only resist the urge to park is Caddy in random girls’ garages.

The Shrew has a send-off of her own, as we learn that Invictus is heading back to his homeland for 6 weeks.  SAD KITTY!  :-(   He shows up at her apartment, sees her name in wooden letters on her wall, laughs his ass off, and runs out the door.  If only that had happened.  He actually brings her a bottle of South African wine, jokes about her freaky relationship with Ken Doll, and leaves without so much as a peek at her jiggly parts.  Dude, you can do SOOOOOO much better.  I hope you’re getting paid really well to pretend to be interested in her.

Leatherface (Tara) confers with another of her ex-fiances, who is surprisingly young and relatively good looking, about her budding romance with Mr. AARP.  Apparently, there are others out there who agree with the Shrew about her being crazy to date a dude with so many ex-wives and kids.  He expresses his concern, but Leatherface is having none of it, drinking in Mr. AARP’s attention and encouraging his advances.  He cooks her a romantic dinner, whispers very sweet nothings in her ear (proving how he was able to get married 4 times), and tells her he loves her.  Leatherface concurs.

We check in with Dick Stick (Drew), who is in the middle of a self-indulgent shame spiral.  He visits Gaylon for support, telling him about the other night when he made out with some random dude in front of Cross-Eyed Twinkie Ex, ruining any hope he had of a glorious reconciliation.  I’m wondering why the camera crews weren’t there.  Bravo must be as bored with these people are we’re quickly becoming.  Gaylon advises Dick Stick to call Twinkie Ex quick and try to make amends.  When he finally works up the nerve to apologize, Twinkie Ex acts like a spurned lover instead of an ex-boyfriend who really shouldn’t care.  Dick Stick is devastated.

Finally, Ken Doll’s charity gala approaches.  Newly single, he suddenly decides to turn his attention towards The Shrew, asking her to be his date.  She makes him sweat big time, running very late taking her time getting ready.  When she finally shows up, she gives his fragile ego a masterful hand job, and as they get uncomfortably close to kissing, he asks her to go away with him to his family’s new lake house.  He’s stupid, she’s stupid, and they both deserve each other.

And that’s pretty much it.  If the previews live up to the promise, next week’s episode should be CRAZY GOOD!  Join me later this week for the full recap!

Slumrville

Slumrville was born on the first day of May in the year 1978, in Brooklyn, NY, and the world barely took notice.  It became increasingly evident that he would never grow up to be an Olympic gold medalist, pop superstar, Oscar winning actor, well respected news anchor, doctor, lawyer, or billionaire CEO.  He did, however, have a passion for two things: television and books.

While other children were playing outside, he sat and watched soaps with his beloved gramma or read the latest Mary Higgins Clark or Sidney Sheldon novel.  He eventually discovered a talent for writing his own stories, and built a whole pipe dream about being a best selling novelist.  The dream took him all the way to college, where he pursued a BFA in creative writing.  After graduation, the hammer of reality beat him into submission, with only television to distract him from his bitter disappointment in himself.  He has since held a string of administrative positions, punctuated by bouts of unemployment.

But the dream lives on as Slumrville now joins the staff of TVGASM.  His DVR is currently set to record American Idol, DWTS, Top Chef, Big Brother, Toddlers and Tiaras, Brothers and Sisters, Chuck, Hawaii Five-0, Castle, Parenthood, General Hospital, Glee, Blue Bloods, the Event, Raising Hope, Modern Family, Cougar Town, The Office, 30 Rock, Parks and Recreation, Community, Outsourced and ABC Family Reruns of Gilmore Girls.  His favorite shows from years gone by include 24, Everwood, My So-Called Life, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, Dollhouse, Ugly Betty, Picket Fences, and the Golden Girls.

Slumrville currently resides in Easton, PA with his cats, Smokey and Collette, and thanks to the wonders of Skype, his lost distance gay lover, Twinkle.

10 Comments

  1. 1
    Diane Marie
    Posted October 4, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    Yep, the Shrew and Ken Douche deserve each other.

  2. 2
    SMH
    Posted October 4, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    Ken Doll and The Shrew just keep getting more and more unattractive as this season progresses. He’s really not that cute, is he? As a Texan I just have to say these people embarrass the crap out of me. We’re really not like these people at all…I promise!!!

  3. 3
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted October 4, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    They’re actually exactly right for each other!

    He’s dumb as a box of hair but he knows anybody that puts up with a manskank before the wedding will put up with one after the wedding.

    Even if she’d never met him I bet she’d say girls should get married for security. His dad owns an oil company so she won’t have to worry about having to downsize cuz the new economy style.

    1 of her nicknames for Matt is the name of the oil company. So she’ll be like Carmela Soprano except Tony had street smarts.

    She might have to change 1 thing though. They might make her quit talking to his dad in the same voice people talk to baby puppies.

    kthxbai

  4. 4
    Megs
    Posted October 4, 2011 at 11:12 pm

    Anyone else think that Ken Doll and the Shrew are scripting this whole stupid “will they, won’t they” thing for more camera time? Too bad they’re not smart enough to make interesting.

  5. 5
    kthxbai
    Posted October 5, 2011 at 1:25 am

    @Megs YES! After watching this episode I totally started wondering that!

    Because what a coincidence! That after all this time there’s all this sudden and huge development in their super-complicated relationship happening right exactly when they’re taping their reality show!

    Just like the timing of their giant gala charity events where they get to talk about how much they care about the unfortunate while they eat a fancy lunch that costs more than a regular person’s rent and then go get cucumbers put on their eyes.

    kthxbai

  6. 6
    Mike
    Posted October 5, 2011 at 8:29 am

    Nordco is not an oil company. It’s a variation on the President’s green companies by selling efficient lighting, controls and switching. It’s a business that having an ex-TX QB, no matter what he did on the field, opens a lot of doors, especially when selling something that 100 firms can do as well. Tara’s and Drew’s families are the only really rich people with Tara’s family way above the others. You see family in inverse proportion to wealth. Courtney’s mom all the time, Matt’s less often, Drew and Neill one time and Tara’s non-existent (brother for 10 seconds on Chinese factories).

    I wonder if the new Matt family estate was in the wild fires. In the last 2 months, most of the land near Possum Kingdom Park went up in flames. Take a good look because it probably won’t look that good for awhile.

  7. 7
    sunshine
    Posted October 5, 2011 at 8:40 am

    Does anyone know how Matt got his posts taken off the Dirty? Apparently, he was the biggest douche in Dallas and was always on the Dirty website. Shocking, I know. Probably all the 3 and 4 girl dates… Anyway he isn’t on it and it just says “no page found”. But he is referenced on there every now and then. I was just curious to hear all the stories from the losers who went on dates with that tool.
    I also read on another site that he had a gay romance and also had something going on with Drew. Not sure I believe the Drew part, but maybe the gay part?
    I also read that Daylon was supposed to be a full cast member along with a Landon Ledford but they got the friend edit.

  8. 8
    mommacolt
    Posted October 5, 2011 at 11:52 am

    What is up with Courtney’s eyebrows?

  9. 9
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted October 5, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    @Mike You’re right. I should’ve called it energy. But you know what I mean. They don’t have to worry about ending up like the family on Downsized.

    kthxbai

  10. 10
    Pyper
    Posted October 6, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    What is Courtney like 5 to have her name on her wall ? Or does she just get shitfaced on wine and forget who she is in the morning ?
    Anyone know what she actually does ?

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