Error: Twitter did not respond. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page.
After a week of gay confrontation and high drama, this week’s installment was somewhat of a let down. Most of the good stuff happened off camera, which is rather odd, since these people are supposed to be tailed by cameras at all times, right? It’s annoying, but we have no choice but to deal, so let’s get on with it, shall we?
Some things, we don’t need a camera crew to be around for.
One week after Ken Doll (Matt) decides to dip his big toe in the big scary pool of DATING, he succumbs to The Shrew’s (Courtney) machinations to keep him all to herself. They have a heart to heart about Hot Mama and her toddler/divorce baggage, and it’s enough to send Ken Doll running back to his little black book. He takes Hot Mama (Neill) to an art gallery where they sit in darkness, literally, and he proceeds to break up with her by telling her about how the Shrew basically told him to. HAHAHAHA!!!! What a dumbass! But Hot Mama shrugs it off, as well she should.
Speaking of send-offs, Baldy McSixPack (Glenn) packs up Lucky Ex and drives her to the airport. They share an emotional good-bye at the curb with lots of hugs, kisses, I love you’s, and general adorableness. Baldy laments her departure and considers monogamy for a second before attending Ken Doll’s pool party, where his head is turned by dozens of pairs of fake boobs and bare asses. He does have a minor revelation, in that Lucky Ex is beautiful AND she can hold down her half of a conversation. There’s hope for him yet, if he can only resist the urge to park is Caddy in random girls’ garages.
The Shrew has a send-off of her own, as we learn that Invictus is heading back to his homeland for 6 weeks. SAD KITTY! He shows up at her apartment, sees her name in wooden letters on her wall, laughs his ass off, and runs out the door. If only that had happened. He actually brings her a bottle of South African wine, jokes about her freaky relationship with Ken Doll, and leaves without so much as a peek at her jiggly parts. Dude, you can do SOOOOOO much better. I hope you’re getting paid really well to pretend to be interested in her.
Leatherface (Tara) confers with another of her ex-fiances, who is surprisingly young and relatively good looking, about her budding romance with Mr. AARP. Apparently, there are others out there who agree with the Shrew about her being crazy to date a dude with so many ex-wives and kids. He expresses his concern, but Leatherface is having none of it, drinking in Mr. AARP’s attention and encouraging his advances. He cooks her a romantic dinner, whispers very sweet nothings in her ear (proving how he was able to get married 4 times), and tells her he loves her. Leatherface concurs.
We check in with Dick Stick (Drew), who is in the middle of a self-indulgent shame spiral. He visits Gaylon for support, telling him about the other night when he made out with some random dude in front of Cross-Eyed Twinkie Ex, ruining any hope he had of a glorious reconciliation. I’m wondering why the camera crews weren’t there. Bravo must be as bored with these people are we’re quickly becoming. Gaylon advises Dick Stick to call Twinkie Ex quick and try to make amends. When he finally works up the nerve to apologize, Twinkie Ex acts like a spurned lover instead of an ex-boyfriend who really shouldn’t care. Dick Stick is devastated.
Finally, Ken Doll’s charity gala approaches. Newly single, he suddenly decides to turn his attention towards The Shrew, asking her to be his date. She makes him sweat big time, running very late taking her time getting ready. When she finally shows up, she gives his fragile ego a masterful hand job, and as they get uncomfortably close to kissing, he asks her to go away with him to his family’s new lake house. He’s stupid, she’s stupid, and they both deserve each other.
And that’s pretty much it. If the previews live up to the promise, next week’s episode should be CRAZY GOOD! Join me later this week for the full recap!