Mini-cap: The Dance Scene

Guess what?  Surprise #1:  Diddy Bitch lives in a condo with two small dogs.  Surprise #2:  Lacee, personal assistant/button pusher/PDA holder/Claire’s jewelry model extraordinaire LIVES WITH HER.  Crazy attracts crazy, I guess.

Laurieann tells us Lacee helped her mother build “one of the most successful dance studios” in Minnesota.  That’s saying a lot.  Hey, I’ve been to Minnesota, and as my father said about my mother (not his best moment by far), it’s “not bad, but you’re nothin’ fuckin’ special”.  Besides spawning Lacee, the Land of 10,000 Lakes does have a few redeeming qualities, including the Mall of America and the Minnesota Vikings (or their potential THIS SEASON – puhleeez – to finally get to the Super Bowl again).  Diddy Bitch and Lacee have a boring conversation and then Lacee transcribes Laurieann’s choreography on a laptop as Laurieann walks through a routine in her tiny kitchen.  You know when you choreograph dances in your head and they look sooooooooooo much better in your head than in real life?  I hope that’s not true of this little number.

Sarah’s moving in with K-cup and Paulandroid.   Holy balls, those girls have a kick-ass apartment.  Sarah’s definitely signed up for the uncredited “Other Roommate” in The Roommate Part II:  Dance or Die.

Laurieann’s choreographing for the Beverly Hills Fashion Show, and she was requested at the last minute.  Hmmmm … the last-minute offer of this job coupled with your eagerness to take it makes me question your WORLD-CHANGING BIG TIME choreography company, Laurieann.  Anyway, she doesn’t have time to audition dancers, so she’s just using L-Team castoffs and anyone she can pull in off the street dropping glo-sticks on their way home from an all-night rave.  Richy and Diddy Bitch have decided to let Lacey dance but Kherington has been demoted to baiting the souls of unsuspecting victims button-pusher.  I must say, these dance moves, and Laurieann’s boobs (Yowza!  Who’s your doctor?), DO look so much better during rehearsal than they did in Laurieann’s kitchen.

Cut to the Roomies in a hot tub.  K-cup is whining about Laurieann choosing Lacee over her for the dance and Sarah talks her off the ledge.  Droid-bot waits for them to remember that she’s on the L-Team too (and was also chosen to dance “over Kherington” MANY times).

The Beverly Hills Fashion Festival:  Laurieann and Team Boom Shakalaka are about to rehearse on the runway when the event planner comes out.  We see that she can give Laurieann a run for her money in the Head Bitch in the Room department.  Way to go, Anonymous Skinny White Woman!!!  We also see that she could use a trip to Laurieann’s boob doctor.  Laurieann orders the team to leave once the event planner continues to disrespect her.  Outside, she changes her mind because she needs to make the studio mortgage payment Lacee deserves her shining moment.  During rehearsal on the runway, Lacee keeps fucking up during this admittedly kick-ass routine and Laurieann saddles Sarah with the responsibility of turning Lacee’s chicken shit into chicken salad (thanks for the phrase of the week, Brock Lesnar!).  Just what Sarah needs, more stress … this is going to turn out great!!

Laurieann’s condo:  K-cup reports for dog washing duty … which she must complete at her own condo, not Laurieann’s.   Laurieann’s other roommate, her mom, is having her monthly Voodoo Club meeting tonight and can’t have wet dogs running around, chasing the chickens.  Taking the offensive in their Blonde-on-Blonde war, Lacee’s the one who suggested to Laurieann that Kherington groom her annoying little dogs (according to Laurieann, Lacee the regular groomer is unavailable).

Sarah leads Lacee through extra dance practice on the rooftop.  Lacee’s performance wavers between charmingly pathetic and almost adequate.  Break a leg!!!  Just don’t fall off the roof …. on the other hand, that WOULD be a great way to get out of dancing at the fashion show.

K-cup brings the freshly laundered dogs back to Laurieann and Diddy Bitch actually thanks her.  I guess the way to a craven ice queen’s choreographer’s heart is through her dogs.

On the red carpet at the Beverly Hills Fashion Festival, we get to see Laurieann and Joe finally get some public girltime facetime together, while she worries about Lacee’s impending performance and consequently, Sarah’s demotion to button-pusher after Lacee falls off the runway in front of all of Laurieann’s potential clients.  Even better for Lacey’s impending utter failure …. Lacee’s mom is in the audience, sitting next to Sarah!  Sadly for me, Lacee doesn’t fall or choke.  At least Lacee’s head and arms don’t mess up, since that’s all we get to see, interspersed with full troupe shots, during which Lacee is hiding behind EVERY OTHER DANCER.  Seriously, she spends the whole performance 15 inches from the runway curtain.   Join me for the full recap when we discuss the hideous outfits they dance in.  Come on, Laurieann, you’re at a fashion show!!!  I’m surprised they even let Paulandroid in the tent in that acid-washed jean jacket!