Mini-Gasm: Friday Night Lights

That’s an awful lot of white people rooting for a high school football team in the ghetto.  Just saying…

Welcome to the Rodney Dangerfield edition of FNL: where none of our central characters are shown the respect they either fully deserve, kinda deserve, or think they deserve regardless of whether they’ve actually earned it or not. Let’s see how this all plays out.

Coach Father Figure is struggling to manage the expectations of his players and coaches following their upset win over the reigning Texas State Champs.  However, when the rankings come out, the Red Storm is nowhere to be found.  Everyone is bitching that no one respects them, nevermind the fact that they’re just off a losing season, and what could easily be classified as a fluke win.

To make matters worse, the high school athletic commission has instituted an inquiry into Hayseed Hottie’s hit on the quarterback from last week’s game that resulted in an injury.  Coach infiltrates the Evil Empire in Blue to get the lowdown on what’s going on.  He learns that he’s now on their shitlist for notching those two huge wins.  No one respects him anymore and the Commission is out to get him.  Hayseed Hottie gets suspended for a game, even though the hit was clearly legal.

Tami-Joe Clark’s newest tactic to SAVE THE AT-RISK YOUTH (STARY, going forward) is initiating an after school tutoring/mentoring program.  After last week’s hand-written recommendation letter debacle, the other teachers clearly have no respect for her.  When she attends happy hour with the other teachers to curry favor, it appears to be a colossal failure (again), and she leaves after a drink gets spilled in her lap (accident?).  One of the teachers, more out of pity than respect, follows her out of the bar and volunteers for her STARY crusade.  However it happens, YAY for Tami-Joe Clark’s small ass victory!

Meanwhile, we finally meet Epic, the holy grail of juvenile delinquent reform.  She smokes cigarettes, skips class, and throws attitude around like invisible slushie facials.  Oooooh, scary!  After a little firm discipline from Tami-Joe Clark, Epic shows a little respect in return, and shows up for her first guidance appointment.

Fresh off the team’s big win, the players adopt rally girls, which we know from previous seasons give baked goods and do homework for their assigned player.  Oh, and they also provide sexual favors, naturally!  When QB Princess shows no interest in being a rally girl, Blind Side Lite’s jersey gets a slutty redhead with no respect for herself or for QB Princess’ relationship with her player.  Cat fights and competitive beer bonging ensue.

Off at college, Princess Angst is finding it difficult to fit in.  Her classmates don’t want her in their study groups, and her roommate, as I so wisely predicted, is having afternoon delite with a dirty frat boy on the top bunk (I hope the fluids don’t drip down onto Princess Angst’s bed!).  She finally tries to flirt with her relatively young, moderately cute TA, who’s at the party watching football (HUH?), but guys are intimidated by girls who know more than they do about sports.  He fails to show her respect (it’s a stretch, but I’m running with it) and blows her off.  Later on, he tells her she was right, apologizes, and asks her out for coffee.  When she accepts, I immediately think DANGER!

In other news, Blind Side Lite is being recruited by every major Division I College football program in the country;  Hayseed Hottie and T&T Girl are getting sweet on each other again;  Stripper Wife thinks that Small Town Loser is gonna drop her chubby, post-pregnant ass for their jailbait houseguest.

Finally, in the locker room before the game, the disrespect reaches a fevered pitch.  Coach Father Figure comes out for the pregame pep talk, but instead of saying a word, he simply writes “STATE” on the dry erase board.  The team goes wild! And the Gauntlet is now thrown (minus the diseased famewhores from MTV)!  GAME ON!