Mini-Gasm: Friday Night Lights

Honey, I’m home!  (In my fantasies, I’m Honey…)

This week on FNL, we take a trip down the yellow brick road. QB Princess shows off her brains for football, Stripper Wife gets a heart when she meets T&T Girl’s white trash family, Blind Side Lite finds the courage to stand up to Deadbeat Dad, and T&T Girl gets to go home with the Riggins’ for good. Swap out Maribelle the pig for Toto and Dillon, TX for Kansas and we might as well be watching The Wizard of Oz.

Blind Side Lite starts the episode getting frisky with QB Princess, but we soon find out that he’s not ok with her in the locker room. At the same time, she doesn’t appreciate him coming to her defense when the guys tease her.  Coach Father Figure has to intervene to set them straight, proving why girls in the locker room are a bad idea to begin with. Blind Side Lite still won’t talk to her about the situation with his dad, and things get increasingly awkward between them.

Meanwhile, Blind Side Lite refuses to play house with Deadbeat Dad around, despite Not Sandra Bullock’s Cosby Show fantasies. Finally, he raids his dad’s apartment looking for drugs. It appears that he’s clean for now and Blind Side Lite makes him promise to keep the drugs away from his mom.

Coach Father Figure has set up a private audition for Hayseed Hottie with the recruiter from TMU (the school that eventually signed Smash Williams). The recruiter seems impressed with Hayseed Hottie’s moves and his ability to play both sides. Unfortunately, he means playing offense and defense, not that he’s bisexual. They invite him to campus and give him 6 tickets to the upcoming TMU/Longhorns game. This is Hayseed Hottie’s dream coming true and he’s super happy. He brings his teammates to the game, and during the tour, the coaches snag Blind Side Lite for a separate meeting with the whole coaching staff. Hmmmmm…..

Tensions run high in the Riggins household. T&T Girl wants to have the girls over to plan the school dance. Stripper Wife is none too pleased, but in the spirit of not being a bitch, she allows it. When T&T Girl’s dad calls and demands that she go home, Stripper Wife agrees to drive her back to the trailer park. When White Trash Wifey gets confrontational demanding an apology from T&T Girl, they have words, and Dirt Road Trucker manhandles his daughter.  Stripper Wife is horrified, and helps T&T Girl escape white trash hell.  She finally opens her heart and embraces becoming a role model for their houseguest.

Lil Dick arrives in Dillon, immediately living up to the problem child his mother made him out to be. He starts by insulting Booster Dick and disrespecting Tami-Joe Clark. He quickly ups the ante, skipping school, breaking into his dad’s bar, getting drunk off his ass, swiping his dad’s credit card and boosting his car. Booster Dick tracks him down, tackles his ass, and makes him try out for football.

In other news, Princess Angst tries to distance herself from the insane sexual magnetism of TA Tweed Jacket, but in a moment of drunken stupidity, she only manages to fall back into his bed.  Chica Precious resurfaces to remind us that she’s still a bad-ass. Tami-Joe Clark learns how to trade favors to get teachers to volunteer for her homework club. And Hayseed Hottie makes a play for T&T Girl’s affections.