MiniCap: Alcatraz

Part One in my series, ‘Why My Children Aren’t Allowed to Act.’

Furrr REALZ – can you imagine letting some random actor hold a gun to your kid’s head?! I certainly can’t. Crazytown. Also, I do not have children.

Howdy-hey, Gasmii! I hope that this minicap finds you happy, healthy, and still watching the new show Alcatraz with me! The producers and writers really seem to be amp-ing up the fear factor for us…

In the pilot episode, we were introduced to our first re-appeared Alcatraz inmate – Jack Sylvane. Who, back in the ’60s, was not such a bad guy…but when he mysteriously pops back into existence in present day San Francisco, he’s suddenly become a ruthless killing machine, albeit one with a lot of pain and angst in his eyes/soul.

Episode #2 brought us Ernest Cobb, an OCD-riddled nutjob with a penchant for shooting random people whose only crime was being in the vicinity of a tall building (or hill) and a 16-year-old girl. Definitely more of an honest-to-gosh bad guy than Sylvane, yet Cobb still had a sad-sack back story that (kind of) explained what messed up his widdle bwain when he was young.

Enter Kit Nelson, episode three. A twisted, sick sonofabitch who has absolutely zero redeeming qualities and not a scrap of sad-sack background. Nope. He’s just a grade-A lunatic who likes kidnapping little boys, terrifying the crap out of them for three days, then killing them before returning their bodies to their horrified parents. And worst of all? He forces them to go FISHING. In a ROWBOAT. Sicko.

It really felt as if the folks over at Alcatraz chose their progression wisely – cuz if this asswipe was the first case out the door, I think it would’ve scared some people off. I mean, we’re told right in the opening credits that these fellas are gonna be some of the worst GD criminals our country has ever known, but watching a dude forcibly kidnap a kid while threatening to kill his brother is pretty freaking awful.

And thankfully, as much as our heroes wanted to catch the first two baddies alive (which they successfully did), they weren’t messing around with this sick f*ck, who they graciously shot right through his mo-fo brain case. Well played, heroes. Well played indeed.

I can only imagine what kind of bad guys we’ll be experiencing throughout the remainder of this season (and beyond, if the show gets picked up)…if they continue to get more cruel and evil, there’s gotta be some Hannibal Lecter-style shit heading our way. Shudder.

Come back in a couple of days for the full recap, where we’ll discuss Hurley’s traumatic childhood abduction, how this episode was reminiscent of John Lithgow’s brilliant Dexter uber-baddie, and where to buy those incredible matches that stay lit throughout an entire monologue!

In the meantime, if you’d like to read the recap from the pilot episode, click here. You can also read episode two’s recap here. See ya soon!

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