MiniCap: ANTM

Last night on ANTM, we’re still in Morocco and the girls are shell-shocked that wenchbag Alexandria was finally dismissed.  Brittani over analyzes the standings of the final three and I’m so done with these idiots overanalyzing everything.  I used to overanalyze things, more so as a young college co-ed wondering if that AIM instant message to have dinner at the dining hall with my drunken frat hook-up meant he was really into me or just wanted another BJ.  THAT is the kind of overanalyzing I’d like to see.

Molly still rambles about her “issues”, saying she has lived more life than the other two.  Living more life does not justify being a righteous angry bitch 24/7.  Give me trailer park BritBrit or wide-eyed Hannah any day over Molly’s stank ass.  We all live life, we all have issues, and we all have a general duty to treat each other with a moderate amount of respect and an excessive amount of snark.  Molly does neither of these things.

The next day, Jay shows up at the Morocco house and plays a cheesy clip from The Insider featuring Lara Spencer.  Turns out the girls will have a challenge putting their live action persona to work.  Each lady will have a fashion secret of Morocco assigned to them and one hour to prepare a 90 second clip telling us all about said fashion secret.  I actually kind of like this challenge because the locals look at the giant amazon models like they have 4 lactating breasts growing out of their foreheads and NO ONE speaks English.  The winner gets their clip posted to the Insider.com website that Jay thinks has a million member audience.  I’ve got news for Jay.  I frequent blogs and entertainment websites on a Rain Man like level and I’ve never once had a hankering to venture on over to the Insider.com  Even now, no.  I don’t care enough.  I don’t care who wins this challenge either.

After the challenge, the girls sit around being boring as usual and Banks shows up wearing the ugliest pair of pants I’ve ever seen and asks everyone how they’re doing.  Fucking Molly won’t shut the fuck up about being fucking adopted.  Christ on a stick.  I can’t listen to this anymore.  Hannah babbles about finally accepting herself and not being afraid of her goofy side and then Brittani chimes in about her mom’s panic attacks and agoraphobia.  Does no one grow up in a normal household with minimal issues and just write for the school newspaper and play sports and go to football games?  Because that’s what I did and I turned out swell.  A little disgruntled with life but not because of any issues from youth.  Disgruntled because I think the world is going to turn into Wall-E citizens sooner rather than later and not nearly as jolly.

Tyra does an impromptu photoshoot with the girls drawing some stuff all over their face and then teaches them body isolation movements and leads them to a random rooftop dance party.  The girls actually seem to really be having fun and letting loose.  It’s one of the few genuine moments from this entire season and I wish there were more of them.

Photo shoot time.  The girls are going to be styled in Moroccan wedding gowns and posing with a male model who I suppose is going to be the groom.   The male model is far more attractive than any of the male model garbage from last cycle.  The girls say he smells good.  That was one of the ways Mr. P-Baby wooed me.  He always smelled good.  Not like sleazy womanizer good but kind of a combo of laundry and being outside in the mountains.  Writing that makes it sound kind of gross but it’s not, I swear.  During the photoshoot, Molly is unable to have an ounce of chemistry with the male model, which I’m not sure how that’s possible, though it may be the ample amount of Criss Angel-ish eyeliner.  Guys, remember Criss Angel? Ha.

Check back in a few days for the full recap and to see who makes it to the finale!