MiniCap: ANTM

Last night on ANTM, Bianca and Lisa are still engaged in the 7 years’ war, which may need to be renamed to the 70 years’ war since I am pretty sure that’s how long it’s been since it started.  I find both so unlikeable making the fight is even more boring as I refuse to side with either.  Alexandria gets in on the action a bit by fighting with Bianca over a taking a shower and even that is boring.  Like, this show can’t even make “all-star” house infighting interesting or scandalous which was always its bread and butter e.g The Red Bull Affair and Shandigate.  I’m crossing my fingers it gets better because my girl Kathy Griffin is coming tonight.

Today for the challenge the girls arrive at the Roosevelt Hotel rooftop and are informed by that pervert Nigel that they will be creating a signature scent which sets everyone aflutter because these idiots think that having a signature fragrance means that they are most definitely famous.  The scent making portion of the challenge completely blows because that entrepreneur Banks hasn’t created a TV that allows me to smell whatever nauseating scents are being created.  So instead, we get five minutes of idiots sticking their noses into vials of stuff that don’t contain cocaine (missed opportunity) and squealing at things they like.

The second part of the challenge after the creation of their respective fragrances is to pitch the fragrance at an event to fans while perched in… a bathtub?  The fuck?  Whatever.  I’m tired, it’s been snowing all day, and I spent 4 hours dusting, scrubbing the stove, cleaning my shower and picking hair out of the vacuum as a result of my snow day.  Who am I to say these twits shouldn’t sell perfume from a bathtub?

Anyway, like I said, the fans will rate the fragrances and the salesmanship of said fragrance I guess and whoever comes out on top wins immunity from elimination.  They also get to be the face of an alleged ANTM Fragrance coming out next year.  Though now I’m confused.  Is it the winner of the challenge who gets to be the face or the winner of this cycle?  How am I not able to keep up with THIS show?  I need to leave the bedroom door open when I paint my nails from now on.

A couple notable scent names include Allison’s Honey Blood (note to self: When creating celebutante fragrance to debut to world, do not include the word blood in title) and Kayla’s Free (Just kidding.  That’s not notable. Free= Kayla’s sleeping bag for the All Star cycle.)

At the fragrance pitch, Bianca refuses to get into the bathtub because Beyonce wouldn’t get into the bathtub.  Bianca, Beyonce is Beyonce because she WOULD get into a bathtub if that was her JOB.  You don’t get to be Beyonce by NOT DOING WHAT YOU ARE PAID TO DO.  Goddamnit.  I seriously hate her so much right now.  Besides, I don’t even know why she’s concerned.  Girlfriend is never going to be Beyonce or Beyonce’s assistant or even a YouTube Beyonce impersonator.  Lisa ends up winning the challenge and immunity which is irritating because I’m tired of her “face” but I’m comforting myself that once this cycle ends, Lisa will be off TV for at least another couple years before coming back on another installment of a reality show like the British Celebrity Big Brother or something.

For the photoshoot this week the girls will be channeling A-Listers Nene Leakes or Snooki while dry-humping the back of a knock-off Son of Anarchy, which may or may not be a private fantasy of mine.  I really thought we were scraping the bottom of the barrel with the Kardashians but apparently The Banks has set out to prove me wrong.  The shoot once again is fairly uneventful save for some drama involving Bianca and a jar of pickles.  Oh, and either this show is REALLY boring me now or else in my old age of 27 years, I’m wearing a permanent set of beer goggles and totally would with the photographer again.  Bummer side note: Kathy Griffin doesn’t make her appearance until the last 15 minutes and doesn’t get nearly enough screen time.  Check back in a few days for the full recap and to see who gets booted in the DOUBLE ELIMINATION, HOLLA! (Spoiler but not really: It’s not Lisa.)