Hi Gasmi! I’m back (as usual, not dead) from a work jaunt to Atlanta (may as well be dead, I hate that airport so much.) I’ll fill you in to more ongoings in the full recap since this minicap business is supposed to be short. But a glimpse into my dementia reveals: Ryan Gosling should have been sexiest man alive and I wonder how long before the masses realize Michael Fassbender is walking sex and I so want the Duchess to be pregnant with an heir(ess!) and I also want the baby to be Bieber’s but the kid is not his son and is there a record to be broken for Breaking Dawn to be the shittiest movie to make the most money because damn that movie looks heinous and what in all bloody hell is happening at my alma mater in the land of Happy Valley?
IT’S GOOD TO BE BACK!!
Last night on ANTM, we’re still in Greece and the placement of models in a beautiful foreign country does not make them immune to overanalyzing their standings on a crap reality show/hack model competition. If it were me, and I was famewhoring on someone else’s dime, my ass would be out sinking my claws into a Mediterranean man with extra hairy legs while guzzling feta cheese balls and soaking up some rays.
Back at the pad, Laura and Angelea serve as proof to Mr. P-Baby’s “All these chicks are busted, why are they models?” blanket statement I hear at least two times per episode. Tyramail pops up stating Tomorrow you’ll meet with the judges. No one knows what it means and Laura deems the message the “most scariest” Tyra Mail ever. I deem Laura’s speech the most scariest grasp on the English language I’ve seen on TV, oh, at least this week I suppose.
Turns out the girls are going to be judging each other. This should pan out well.
So the girls meet up with Miss J and waste no time critiquing each other’s walks, photo books, etc. All is peachy, even when Miss J asks the girls to pick from the remaining group the one that doesn’t deserve to be there. Allison, Lisa, and Laura all go the political route and refuse to pick. Shit hits the fan when Dominique dare points out that Angelea is lacking in the confidence needed to be an all-star. This turns into a “Angelea is so beautiful and wonderful but doesn’t see it” montage which becomes in my head a “Damn, I should lend Angelea some of my ProActiv refining mask because I have a shit ton of it and girl NEEDS it,” until Angelea gets up and walks away crying.
The girls sit around analyzing Angelea but since “we don’t know nothing about Angelea” (except she failed English class along with Laura) at least we know that Dominique is a good shopping partner because she’ll tell you if you look fat.
Allison ends up being voted the weakest and Laura is picked as strongest. She’s surprised but then quickly says she is the “most toughest.” God damn. My ears are bleeding. I really want her to win Rosetta Stone software for Beginner English but that’s not an exciting prize for a reality show. Remember on Double Dare when they gave away BK sneakers? That prize sucked too.
After a harrowing afternoon, the girls hit up a yacht, go swimming, go out dancing, and get sweaty along with their hostess, a tart named Twila? Did I hear that right? Where are the hot Uncle Jesse’s that I imagine Greece has on every street corner? Why is Laura sweating like a fat person boarding a plane? I’m over it. Let’s get to the photo shoot.
Today, the girls are posing in such a way that is reminiscent of Grecian athletic events. They will be wearing jewelry and accessories to assist in this aesthetic and everyone’s favorite pervy Uncle Nigel is our photographer. The sports displayed include the javelin, archery, hurdles, discus and put shot (That’s what Angelea calls it. The rest of America, nay, the world, calls it shot put but Angelea’s having a rough episode so we’ll let her call it whatever she wants.)
All that’s left is panel so check back in a few days for the full recap to see who stays and who gets more cheese time in Greece. In the meantime, check out last week’s full recap to catch up on whatever you missed!
To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter or like our Facebook page! You can post your favorite lines right back at us. Thanks for being here!