MiniCap: ANTM

Recaps

By P-Baby Walker | Thursday, November 17, 2011 | 6:00 am | 17 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: America's Next Top Model, MiniCaps, Recaps

America's Next Top Model

Hi Gasmi!  I’m back (as usual, not dead) from a work jaunt to Atlanta (may as well be dead, I hate that airport so much.)  I’ll fill you in to more ongoings in the full recap since this minicap business is supposed to be short.  But a glimpse into my dementia reveals: Ryan Gosling should have been sexiest man alive and I wonder how long before the masses realize Michael Fassbender is walking sex and I so want the Duchess to be pregnant with an heir(ess!) and I also want the baby to be Bieber’s but the kid is not his son and is there a record to be broken for Breaking Dawn to be the shittiest movie to make the most money because damn that movie looks heinous and what in all bloody hell is happening at my alma mater in the land of Happy Valley?

IT’S GOOD TO BE BACK!!

Last night on ANTM, we’re still in Greece and the placement of models in a beautiful foreign country does not make them immune to overanalyzing their standings on a crap reality show/hack model competition.  If it were me, and I was famewhoring on someone else’s dime, my ass would be out sinking my claws into a Mediterranean man with extra hairy legs while guzzling feta cheese balls and soaking up some rays.

Back at the pad, Laura and Angelea serve as proof to Mr. P-Baby’s “All these chicks are busted, why are they models?” blanket statement I hear at least two times per episode.  Tyramail pops up stating Tomorrow you’ll meet with the judges.  No one knows what it means and Laura deems the message the “most scariest” Tyra Mail ever.  I deem Laura’s speech the most scariest grasp on the English language I’ve seen on TV, oh, at least this week I suppose.

Turns out the girls are going to be judging each other.  This should pan out well.

So the girls meet up with Miss J and waste no time critiquing each other’s walks, photo books, etc.  All is peachy, even when Miss J asks the girls to pick from the remaining group the one that doesn’t deserve to be there.  Allison, Lisa, and Laura all go the political route and refuse to pick.  Shit hits the fan when Dominique dare points out that Angelea is lacking in the confidence needed to be an all-star.  This turns into a “Angelea is so beautiful and wonderful but doesn’t see it” montage which becomes in my head a “Damn, I should lend Angelea some of my ProActiv refining mask because I have a shit ton of it and girl NEEDS it,” until Angelea gets up and walks away crying.

The girls sit around analyzing Angelea but since “we don’t know nothing about Angelea” (except she failed English class along with Laura) at least we know that Dominique is a good shopping partner because she’ll tell you if you look fat.

Allison ends up being voted the weakest and Laura is picked as strongest.  She’s surprised but then quickly says she is the “most toughest.”  God damn.  My ears are bleeding.  I really want her to win Rosetta Stone software for Beginner English but that’s not an exciting prize for a reality show.  Remember on Double Dare when they gave away BK sneakers?  That prize sucked too.

After a harrowing afternoon, the girls hit up a yacht, go swimming, go out dancing, and get sweaty along with their hostess, a tart named Twila?  Did I hear that right?  Where are the hot Uncle Jesse’s that I imagine Greece has on every street corner? Why is Laura sweating like a fat person boarding a plane?  I’m over it.  Let’s get to the photo shoot.

Today, the girls are posing in such a way that is reminiscent of Grecian athletic events.  They will be wearing jewelry and accessories to assist in this aesthetic and everyone’s favorite pervy Uncle Nigel is our photographer.  The sports displayed include the javelin, archery, hurdles, discus and put shot (That’s what Angelea calls it.  The rest of America, nay, the world, calls it shot put but Angelea’s having a rough episode so we’ll let her call it whatever she wants.)

All that’s left is panel so check back in a few days for the full recap to see who stays and who gets more cheese time in Greece.  In the meantime, check out last week’s full recap to catch up on whatever you missed!

To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter or like our Facebook page! You can post your favorite lines right back at us. Thanks for being here!



P-Baby Walker is a Pez-collecting, Archie Comic reading, Elvis loving, self-appointed movie sensei.  Lack of sunlight, fresh air and a bloodstream composed of Diet Pepsi causes her moods to air on the side of salty, resulting in endless disgruntled opinions for the world to enjoy.  Due to overall lack of motivation to do anything else, P-Baby has recently started writing more of her musings on pop culture at Mrs. Catalano Presents...  When she's not in the midst of her ongoing epic battle between love and hate for Nicolas Cage, she spends an abnormal amount of time watching B movies on Netflix.  She hopes to meet John Waters one day and thank him for his contributions to the film industry.

17 Comments

  1. 1
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted November 17, 2011 at 6:21 am

    @P-Baby, I believe the yacht woman’s name was not Twila, but Twylum (which is by far worse and rife for ridicule).

  2. 2
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted November 17, 2011 at 8:58 am

    When Angelea, Dominique, and Lisa were side-by-side at panel, it was obvious they are roughly the same look. And of those three, Lisa (even though she looks old by model standards) is the most versatile.

    Angelea seems like she’s emotionally unstable. Girl could use some meds. If she wins this thing, it will be a joke.

    Also, please get Twylum a sandwich…and a new name.

  3. 3
    Indigo
    Posted November 17, 2011 at 10:40 am

    The funny thing about Angelea, is that she is always “You don’t know me. You don’t know my story!”

    Um yes we do, because you won’t fucking shut up about it. We get it, you are from the ghetto, slept under a bus or something, and more than likely slapped cocks with a hobo or two. No one cares. It’s top model, Stop crying and playing the victim. When you’re on a go see, no one is going to hire you based on story, they’ll look at your photos and walk.

    And no, walking away saying “kiss my ass” is not a good walk.

  4. 4
    fancyface3000
    Posted November 17, 2011 at 11:03 am

    With the ouster of last night’s model and after listening to the judges’ panel, I realized last night that what they are really looking for is a “personality” not a model. I actually think Angelea is going to win, but not for the modeling component but because she has the personality to be an intertaining tv interviewer. Allison and Dominique would be hideous for a job like that and so would Laura the hayseed. Lisa or Angelea will win mostly because of that prize.

  5. 5
    Snootchy Bootches
    Posted November 17, 2011 at 11:18 am

    I like Angelea and think she can take some stunning pictures, but she annoys me when she gets like this. They don’t know YOUR story? Do you know theirs??? Lisa was molested by her mother’s boyfriend and (from what I recall) it was WITH her mother’s permission! And do you see her mentioning it every 5 minutes? No one person has the monopoly on being fucked over by life. Deal with it.

  6. 6
    atlgirl
    Posted November 17, 2011 at 11:51 am

    Poor Allison, she hasn’t lived long enough to realize that the girls picked her last because they are the most threatened by her. She actually thought that competition meant something.

    @Snooty I thought the same thing about Lisa and Angelea. Lisa has a horrible past that she never talks about on ANTM. You aren’t entitled to win because you had a crappy childhood.

  7. 7
    hutchlover
    Posted November 17, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    Actually fancyface, Angelea would be the worst. She doesn’t no how 2 speak. Remember back in the day when Tyra gave Danielle so.much flack abt her accent.

    And Allison is the one that won the interview challenge because she came over as articulate & informed.

  8. 8
    Snootchy Bootches
    Posted November 17, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    I’ve always liked Lisa even in her first season. I think she was really misunderstood back then. When she would suggest ways for them to improve, they thought she was throwing shade. But was really trying to help them as it turns out. For someone with so messed up of a past, she always seems to be full of life and full of smiles. I just think she is awesome. I have her iphone app (yeah yeah, whatever haters! ;p) and on it she gives a little video after each show. She talked a bit about how haggard she was looking on the show. She gets really bad insomnia when she is stressed out and said with the atmosphere in the house, she basically wasn’t sleeping at all.

    I’d like to see her win it. She is articulate and fun and always up for whatever they throw at her even if she does stick her foot in it sometimes. She definitely seems to mean well.

    As for the others, most were favorites of mine on their season. The only exception was Dominique. I just don’t really remember much about her. But Laura is adorable and I have always loved Allison (she should have won her season!) and Angelea takes gorgeous pictures. I’d pretty much be happy with whoever wins.

  9. 9
    Jo
    Posted November 17, 2011 at 3:12 pm

    Glad you’re back P-Baby!

  10. 10
    Liz
    Posted November 18, 2011 at 8:59 am

    @Snootchy – Totally agree about Angelea vs. Lisa when it comes to “you don’t know what I’ve been through.” I think the difference is that Lisa has been able to get some therapy and get some distance from it. Angelea seems to always bring it up because she constantly thinks people are judging her for her past and where she comes from, and because I don’t think (maybe I don’t remember?) she’s really been able to leave the ghetto yet. In other words, because she’s judging herself so much, she assumes everyone else is too, and she hears everything they say through her own harsh judgment of herself.

  11. 11
    Mimo
    Posted November 18, 2011 at 11:04 am

    I don’t get it. Lisa was my favorite on her season, but she was let go because she was too old. How do they figure that many years later that she’s still not too old?

  12. 12
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted November 18, 2011 at 11:04 am

    *does a P-Baby dance*
    I’m so happy you’re back, and your rundown of current celebrity events cracked me the fuck up.

    As for the episode, all I’m gonna say at this time is that Angelea was correct…those are some hating ass bitches. They know full well that Allison is magical. And oh so adorable when in a club surrounded by drunken greek people and a twit named Twylem.

  13. 13
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted November 18, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    @fancyface3000, I think that if they were looking specifically for a “personality” only, girls like Britney, Sheena, and Bianca wouldn’t have been eliminated as early as they were.

  14. 14
    fancyface3000
    Posted November 18, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    @ hutch: I disagree. Angelea is not the worst. She would have won the off the airplane/arrive inGreece speech challenge had she not asked where the bathroom was cuz she had to pee. lol

    @ derek. Sheena and Bianca were snootby Bs and I dont even remember Britney, so not much “personality” there.

    Angelea or Lisa will win because of their fun/up for anything personality factor. No doubt.

  15. 15
    Lisa
    Posted November 18, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    Fancyface3000, I hope you’re wrong. I’m hoping the final two is Allison and Laura.

  16. 16
    niknakflipflop niknakflipflop
    Posted November 18, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    @Indigo-I fucking love you and couldn’t agree more about Angelea!!!
    @Lisa-I want the final two to be Laura and Allison too ;)

  17. 17
    MsJoeCool
    Posted November 23, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    P-Baby, this is great. THank you.

    “Where are the hot Uncle Jesse’s that I imagine Greece has on every street corner?” — I read this and all I got in my head was Uncle Jesse from Dukes of Hazard. I wondered what was sexy about the white beard and overalls and what it had to do with Greece. Then my head clued in to the gorgeous Full House Uncle Jesse.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.