Last night on ANTM, we’re still on the longest trip ever taken to Greece in the history of time. Like longer than Gilligan’s three hour tour. Longer than those plane crash surviving assholes who were stuck on the OTHER island. As a quick reminder, Dominique and Angelea were in the bottom two a couple weeks ago and Dominique got sent home finally to take care of her newborn fetus and the other kid she has. So now we’re down to four stick creatures battling it out to be Tyra’s next minion. (Speaking of stick creatures, I totally watched the Victoria Secret Fashion Show. Side note to Orlando: We get it. Miranda’s hot. She’s your wife. She had your baby. Now sit down you stupid pirate stage husband.)
So today, the girls are met by Uncle Pervy who gives them their challenge. We’re reminded that the cycle winner is going to be blogging on Vogue Italia’s website, which, like I can’t even listen to these people talk. I can only imagine the amount of bleeding my eyes would do reading a blog by them (Allison excluded, as she appears to have the hamster wheel spinning at a decent speed for the most part.)
Right, back to the challenge. So the girls have to pick out an outfit from some Nicole Richie hand me down boho closet, then get a driver to take them to an “inspirational” spot, pose for some pictures and then blog about it. All this has to happen in three hours and then their “blogs” will be submitted for She Who Shall Not Be Named’s review. The winner’s prize is a trip back to Crete. We don’t find out the winner until later though. All you need to know for now is that Laura is dyslexic so she is nervous about the blogging, Angelea wants to find the Crete ghetto and…that’s it.
After the blogs are submitted, the girls meet up with Jay the next day and are told they are going to be directed in a motion editorial by The Banks. First, we get to hear about how The Banks spent a bunch of years working on her version of To Kill a Mockingbird AKA Modelland which is essentially…a Hogwarts for models. DumbleBanks keeps talking and talking about her “book” and Tookie and whipped cream to the point where I’m now reading a People.com article about that trashy blonde country broad who used to sing songs but was reported missing to the police only to turn up again pregnant with twins by an unknown father? The fuck? Hello, lady, Country Strong was a movie, not a lifestyle.
Against all odds, Angelea wins the blogging challenge. Good for her, I think girlfriend needed a little pick me up after the past couple episodes she’s had. Not to mention, Allison’s blog was legit like three sentences and no picture.
So the motion editorial is based off chapters out of Tyra Banks and the Sorcerer’s Smize and will encompass two full days of shooting. On the second day, Tyson Beckford joins in on the fun and he’s still hot even though he’s 40 YEARS OLD. I used to read about him in Seventeen magazine. Like 15 years ago. Christ, I’m old too. Not 40, but on the bad side of 25. I’m totally digging his tattoos. Somewhere along the way, I turned into a tattoo person. Even though I’m on the wrong side of 25, don’t tell my parents. Anyway, I can’t wait to give you mini chapter run downs in the full recap because it’s really not as bad as you think it might be. It’s twenty billion times worse. Check back in a couple days for the full recap!
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