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Last night on ANTM, Brittani tells us that last week’s panel was the worst day of her life. I hope she never moves to Japan. Or Libya. Or Haiti. Too soon? Anyway, she cries and wastes a whole lot of energy on a competition that matters none the slightest. She apologizes to Alexandria and instead of being awesome and giving Brittani the finger, Alexandria caves and they hug it out. Boring. Turns out the rest of the girls are changing their baditudes towards Alexandria as well and I’m pissed because things were just starting to get remotely interesting.
After panel, the girls are treated to another Tyra lessons, this time about portfolios. She gives a bunch of pointers about giving good face and manages to once again turn it around into how Tyra’s shit smells like buttery popcorn and how she managed to book a shit ton of jobs in Paris on only three photos in her portfolio. Seriously, has this woman ever been diagnosed? Also at this information session, Tyra reveals that the girls are going somewhere but they have to spell it out. Each model has an individual letter to contribute to the spelling of their destination. Dude, this show is only supposed to be an hour. We don’t have time for these wenches to figure out how to spell something more than three letters long.
Eight hours later, the girls figure out they are going off to Morocco. Who wants to bet they have NO idea where that is.
Go Sees today! I fucking love the Go Sees episode, only second to makeovers. These bitches have four hours to get to four castings. This is even easier than seasons past because they are still in a country where people speak their language so there should be no excuse to not do well. There’s some nonsense about packing a bag to be prepared for different archetypes and they’re going to be scooting around in Smartcars which automatically make them assholes. When John Travolta stops parking a Boeing 747 jumbo jet at his house, then maybe I’ll consider a Prius.
Well, long story short, Alexandria has the upper hand because she’s lived in LA for the entire span of her demon life. Molly drops 9000 f-bombs because she sucked at her go sees. Is anyone else amazed that none of these people can read a map? I mean, I guess I’m not, but it makes you wonder if these women have ever even left their house before. The Go Sees finish up at Lana Marks store and she’s cuter than all the models combined into one lovely British lady.
Man, these Go Sees always wear my out, I forgot there was still a photoshoot to go. This photoshoot happens to take place at a gigantic shit pile and it’s really gross. Not so much because of the garbage but more so the million seagulls flying around pooping on everything and threatening to pluck out my eyes. So I’m pretty tired after Go-Sees and the models look too Princess Mombie-esque for my liking. All you really need to know about the photo shoot is that no seagulls were harmed during the photo shoot. Gasmii, check back in a few days to see who gets to go to Morocco and who gets to wallow in misery after getting thisclose to foreign travel.