MiniCap: ANTM

Recaps

By P-Baby Walker | Thursday, April 14, 2011 | 2:00 am | 12 Comments
Tagged: , , , , ,
Posted in: America's Next Top Model, MiniCaps, Recaps

America's Next Top Model

Last night on ANTM, Brittani tells us that last week’s panel was the worst day of her life.  I hope she never moves to Japan.  Or Libya.  Or Haiti.   Too soon?  Anyway, she cries and wastes a whole lot of energy on a competition that matters none the slightest.  She apologizes to Alexandria and instead of being awesome and giving Brittani the finger, Alexandria caves and they hug it out.  Boring.  Turns out the rest of the girls are changing their baditudes towards Alexandria as well and I’m pissed because things were just starting to get remotely interesting.

After panel, the girls are treated to another Tyra lessons, this time about portfolios.  She gives a bunch of pointers about giving good face and manages to once again turn it around into how Tyra’s shit smells like buttery popcorn and how she managed to book a shit ton of jobs in Paris on only three photos in her portfolio.  Seriously, has this woman ever been diagnosed?  Also at this information session, Tyra reveals that the girls are going somewhere but they have to spell it out.  Each model has an individual letter to contribute to the spelling of their destination.  Dude, this show is only supposed to be an hour.  We don’t have time for these wenches to figure out how to spell something more than three letters long.

Eight hours later, the girls figure out they are going off to Morocco.  Who wants to bet they have NO idea where that is.

Go Sees today!  I fucking love the Go Sees episode, only second to makeovers.  These bitches have four hours to get to four castings.  This is even easier than seasons past because they are still in a country where people speak their language so there should be no excuse to not do well.  There’s some nonsense about packing a bag to be prepared for different archetypes and they’re going to be scooting around in Smartcars which automatically make them assholes.  When John Travolta stops parking a Boeing 747 jumbo jet at his house, then maybe I’ll consider a Prius.

Well, long story short, Alexandria has the upper hand because she’s lived in LA for the entire span of her demon life.   Molly drops 9000 f-bombs because she sucked at her go sees.    Is anyone else amazed that none of these people can read a map?  I mean, I guess I’m not, but it makes you wonder if these women have ever even left their house before.  The Go Sees finish up at Lana Marks store and she’s cuter than all the models combined into one lovely British lady.

Man, these Go Sees always wear my out, I forgot there was still a photoshoot to go.  This photoshoot happens to take place at a gigantic shit pile and it’s really gross.  Not so much because of the garbage but more so the million seagulls flying around pooping on everything and threatening to pluck out my eyes.    So I’m pretty tired after Go-Sees and the models look too Princess Mombie-esque for my liking.  All you really need to know about the photo shoot is that no seagulls were harmed during the photo shoot.    Gasmii, check back in a few days to see who gets to go to Morocco and who gets to wallow in misery after getting thisclose to foreign travel.




P-Baby Walker is a Pez-collecting, Archie Comic reading, Elvis loving, self-appointed movie sensei.  Lack of sunlight, fresh air and a bloodstream composed of Diet Pepsi causes her moods to air on the side of salty, resulting in endless disgruntled opinions for the world to enjoy.  Due to overall lack of motivation to do anything else, P-Baby has recently started writing more of her musings on pop culture at Mrs. Catalano Presents...  When she's not in the midst of her ongoing epic battle between love and hate for Nicolas Cage, she spends an abnormal amount of time watching B movies on Netflix.  She hopes to meet John Waters one day and thank him for his contributions to the film industry.

12 Comments

  1. 1
    ohralphie
    Posted April 14, 2011 at 5:33 am

    I can’t wait to read the recap, PBaby!

    I did like that the crew were wearing masks at the photo shoot. I imagine everytime the cameras stopped Nigel and Mr Jay did as well, haha!

  2. 2
    Snootchy Bootches
    Posted April 14, 2011 at 5:40 am

    When Mr. Jay was doing his intro, there were a couple of times I thought he was going to gag. And the birds that kept pooping on him! Poor guy, I bet he wished he’d stayed in bed that day.

  3. 3
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted April 14, 2011 at 8:41 am

    The seagulls were just expressing their opinions.

  4. 4
    snappleaddict
    Posted April 14, 2011 at 8:43 am

    Top Model was pre-empted because of a Cubs game here in Chicago, so I have to wait until Sunday to see it. Now I have a reason to hate the Cubs even more.

  5. 5
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted April 14, 2011 at 9:14 am

    I live in LA and they made the poor girls start in downtown, go to a weird section of Culver City that even I managed not to find on my first try, and I LIVE in CC, and then end up in Beverly Hills which, thanks to their Beverly Hillsness, means taking congested surface streets and the nine mile drive from Smashbox to Lana Marks probably took at least 30 minutes of their time.

    If Miss “I live in LA and know it like the back of my hand” couldn’t make all four go-sees (and no one in LA knows it like the back of their hand. It’s HUGE.) the other addlepated hamsters didn’t have a chance.

    But why will no one point out that when Alexandria smiles her tiny little niblet corn teeth and wrinkled eyes make her look like a possessed baby? Shouldn’t these issues be addressed?

  6. 6
    Moli Moli
    Posted April 14, 2011 at 10:57 am

    Hey guys, does anyone know when they repeat the episodes? I DVR ANTM so I can watch Survivor, for some reason it didn’t record.

  7. 7
    Diana
    Posted April 14, 2011 at 11:25 am

    To be fair, Tyra is one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen in my life. When I first saw her on Fresh Prince of Bel Air, I was like, omg who the eff is that? An alien? Anyway, Alexandria is a pretty good on-the-spot model, and she kisses butt with the best of them. The other girls just need to quit hating and start imitating. With just a ‘tude change, they will beat her at her own game, ‘cuz A-5-syllable-name-ia may look cute in white shorty-shorts and have a KIND face, but the other girls have PRETTY faces, m’kay? Please send contestant “No 1″ shirt packing (I liked her until I saw her wear that shirt in elims, that was ballsy, too ballsy in fact. I would have drop-kicked her in her good-thing-she-makes-white-shorty-shorts-look-good butt the second we were out of the panel room, whether anyone was “always watching” or not!)

  8. 8
    snappleaddict
    Posted April 14, 2011 at 11:31 am

    Moli – they’ll show a repeat on Sunday.

  9. 9
    Moli Moli
    Posted April 14, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    Thanks snappleaddict!!! I hope it doesn’t interfere with Celebrity Apprentice, or once again i can try the DVR thing. Its just bizarre that it didn’t record, the upcoming shows(even a craptastic recap show) are in queue.

  10. 10
    juddfan
    Posted April 14, 2011 at 2:24 pm

    I hate when that happens too, Moli!

    Funny how, again, the bitch-edit girl books all her go-sees . . . very suspicious. Molly did some amazing poses with that purse, I’m glad they gave her a slap down. I was sad to see the eliminee go . . . guess it’s a pretty tight group at the top. NIgel continues to descend into ickiness, but damn, it wasn’t too awful to watch him strut around in those jeans. I’ve been to one of those dumps, and it is a smell you will never forget.

    Can’t wait for the cap, and didn’t they say they were moving the time back to not compete with AI and Survivor . . . good idea, I still have no idea why Idol left Tuesdays and Survivor left Thursdays . . . I thought they owned those time slots.

    Modern family breathes a sigh of relief, as does my DVR-who hates weds!!! LOL!!!

  11. 11
    cass
    Posted April 14, 2011 at 10:45 pm

    you can watch antm on youtube-search for the user “antmgenuine” he puts the episdoes up every thursday. I dont have DVR and also watch survivor wednesdays at 8!

  12. 12
    Moli Moli
    Posted April 15, 2011 at 5:26 am

    juddfan, I really don’t have anything to watch on Thursdays anymore. Well until 10…..Survivor RULED the Thursday 8PM timeslot. Sorry Survivor trupms ANTM any day

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