Minicap: Beverly Hills Fabulous

Elgin says the salon is finally running smoothly so you know what to expect next—DRAMA. Remember we love BHF because Elgin is truly fabulous, not because the show is full of surprises and unpredictability. Not one time has Elgin tossed his luxurious mane, struck a pose, or dropped it like it’s hot in the name of Jesus, and I didn’t see it coming.

Despite all the show’s scripted Tom Fuckery, Sean can still make me raise an eyebrow. This week he sort of reveals that he’s carrying a light load. The ladies in the salon are discussing the popular belief that you can tell what’s in a man’s pants by the size of his feet. A defensive Sean emphatically yells it’s not true. Dear Camera Man, you should be fired for sleeping on the job. You should’ve given us a close-up of Sean’s feet followed by one of his crotch.

A delivery man breaks up that nonsense and, unknowningly, kicks off the drama that surrounds this episode. He delivers a box of Beyonce’s hair that was mailed to gullible Lolita by her lying ass friend. It’s funny how clueless Lo is about being lied to yet pissed off when she hears the truth. After watching Lolita stroke the used hair, her client demands that she wash her hands. The client’s attitude may be wrong, but what she wants is right, especially if the hair really does belong to Beyonce. She sweats harder than the old Whitney Houston smoking a crack pipe in a sauna in the desert.

I’m sad to say Lo never redeems herself in this episode. She continues being stupid until the credits roll. Thanks to Tifphanie, the hair ends up on Elgin’s side of the salon. After he learns the alleged origin of the hair, which he had already attached to his client’s head, he demands Lo explain the mistake to the client in person. When the client, who obviously has questionable hygiene habits, says she’s fine with it, Lo has the gull to demand the hair back. Lo wants to sell it on Ebay. She should see if someone’s auctioning off some goddamn sense while she’s on the site and maybe check out Craigslist too.