The three hour epic began innocently enough. The guys welcomed their new members and congratulated them on getting such high respect from the Donald.
Yes, LaToya and her giant saline sacks were back for another go round, but this time she got to play with the boys. Frump mixed it up even more last night to keep us interested…he moved NeNe over to the boys’ side too and moved Meat to Marlee and Star’s team. The social experiment was set up: Would NeNe and Star find people to fight with other than each other? Does NeNe really hate Star’s ass or does she just need someone to verbally abuse? That question was enough to keep me glued to the set. And from my experience giggling and being horrified at NeNe on Real Housewives, I already know the answer. Still made for a fun time waiting for her to craaaaaaack!
Marlee didn’t like the fact that LaToy got to come back. No fair!, she exclaimed. Unfortunately, everyone thought she said no hair and we were subjected to what all these old celebs look like without their wigs and weaves for a few minutes:
Speaking of Marlee, let’s all send her letters and tell her how sexy she is so she’ll stop trying to prove it every second she gets. Last week it was the hair gogo dancing, this week, it’s deep throating strawberries and leaning over the camera as much as possible to show her cleave.
You’re pretty. Now please, use a fork.
The first challenge was to produce a stand up comedy show and sell tickets. NeNe immediately ditched her team because she needed some “alone time” to gather her thoughts. That’s code for “I haven’t scored since I’ve been here and my skin is crawling. BRB.” There were no camera crews following her to prove that my theory was wrong, so I’m just gonna go with the images of NeNe wandering the streets berating smelly homeless people into giving her drugs. That woman is just not right. She has to be on something.
LaToy takes on the leadership role for her team, so who needs NeNe? LaToy is nothing if not dependa….well let’s just not go there because I have too much respect to call a Jackson nothing. She’s cute. So there’s that. It’s a fundraising challenge so certainly she can at least call people and get them to shill out some dollas, right? RIGHT LATOY?
Well…um…no not really. She got Kathy Hilton to give a thousand bucks. A thousand?!?! If LaToy got a dollar for every time someone called a Hilton a cheap slut, she would have won this task handily, so I won’t waste my breath calling a Hilton a cheap slut. have I already said cheap slut?
John Rich, furious with NeNe for leaving his team, made a really bad angry country song about it. Then he got a headache. Oh the drama! The camera men did a lot of blurry shots so we would really feel his pain. How bout making his stupid ass listen to some of the crap songs he’s been subjecting us to so he can feel OUR pain? That would be way more fun. Rich got it together and called in his friend Jimmy Fallon, the king of stupid songs, to perform at their show. He said, with a straight face, “I really respect Jimmy as a musician”, which explains a lot.
Turns out Nene’s not coming back at all! She quit!! And not only did she quit, she told off Frump when he called her. “You favored Star! That’s no fair!!” HAHAHAH! Love it. He hung up on her before she had a chance to add “I’ve got to get back to Atlanta to find some decent rock and there’s no way in hell I’m raising more than five dollars today anyway so CYA!”
And then Meat started up about how he’s not here to win for vanity, he’s doing it FOR THE KIDS!! Then he cries. Then he sobs. Then he says he’s just doing it for the kids a hundred times. He raised fifteen grand, but if his team loses, his money won’t go to the kids! And he can’t gamble that big donation that is supposed to go to THE KIDS! THE KIIIIIIDS! He asks Frump to let him keep the money he raises, but Frump firmly believes that children should get jobs and make their own damn money anyway and stop being so WEAK! So Meat cries some more. Meat acts all emotional and sweet, but I think he’s secretly trying to make us all hate the kids. STOP SAYING THE KIDS! Frump calls Meat a good guy over and over again, but all I hear is “WOW, you’re really a pussy, Meat.”
His team won and THE KIDS got their money, but not before Meat cried and sobbed for another ten minutes in the boardroom. UGH. STFU MEAT! LaToy was out as quickly as she was rehired, but at least we got to see her talk in baby voice some more and get frustrated that she couldn’t find anyone to take her calls. So that’s how it is now that MJ’s gone? LaToya gets voicemail? Not right, people. Not right. And Star, please stop whispering in Marlee’s ear. SHE CAN’T HEAR YOU.
The boardroom didn’t end there, though. Frump looked straight into the camera, called NeNe a pussy, then said “You got your butt kicked by Star Jones whether you like it or not. YOU’RE FIRED!” YAAAAAYYYYYYY
The second episode was all about producing an OnStar commercial. Did you guys know that you can now buy OnStar in Best Buy and it can go in all of your cars!?!?! WOWEEEEE!!! They said that so much that I dreamt about driving THE KIDS in a shitty eighties mini van with Star Jones’ voice coming through the speakers and telling me where to turn until I drove myself, the van and THE KIDS off a cliff.
Star and Meat got into some shit, and Marlee maneuvered her way around it quite brilliantly. Shit don’t stick to Marlee! She’s either a really smart, strategic player, or she’s just busy showing off her cleave.
This isn’t Match.com, Marls.
The second boardroom was awesome. Meat and Star got into more, and Meat made the mistake of calling Star “dear” and “sweetie.” For the first time, she started losing it. I’M A LAWYER! Frump, who has no doubt escaped many a sexual harassment suit in his day, wasn’t having it. He actually argued that getting all bent out of shape about pc sex harassment stuff is crap. HAHAHAHAH! He’s such. An asshole. I love it. In a kind of shocker of an ending, Star ended up getting the boot! I thought for sure Meat was out, and he probably would have been had Star not gone nutso over sexual harassment. I’m waiting for the lawsuit.
It was a long ass episode, but it was a really fun one, too. How is next week going to be, though, without Star and NeNe? Zzzzzzz. Three sisters gone in one night!?!?! Not good. Not looking forward to a week with the most boring cast members left. Maybe they should call in Hope to round it out.
Dear Crabby will be here later in the week with an opus for this one! Until then, check out her recap of last week’s show. It’s hilary. Do it for THE KIIIIDS!