Happy New Year, Gasmii!
What better way to kick off 2013 than with our favorite dysfunctional dance family?! It seems like we bid them farewell only yesterday, yet here we are already on the brink of another season that promises to wrap up sometime during the 2016 presidential campaign.
What have our heroines been up to during the hiatus? Well, Jabby spent the summer filming her other reality show in L.A. and heard through her Pittsburgh minions that the girls missed a bunch of practices to selfishly spend time with their families and enjoy the vacation part of summer vacation.
Kelly, Brooke and Paige haven’t returned (gosh, I wonder how that will turn out! The suspense is killing me) and somehow this is everyone’s fault except for Kelly, Brooke and Paige’s. Jabby “punishes” the girls by canceling the pyramid this week. Surprisingly, no tears are shed.
Since she needs another device to manufacture drama, Jabby holds auditions to replace the Hyland girls. Hundreds of would-be famewhores dancers show up from as far away as Michigan (or was it Montana? An “M” state anyway), but Jabby picks only one, a 13-year-old named Ally from New Orleans. Her mother, Shelly, seems reasonable, pleasant, polite – in other words, I don’t expect her to be around long.
The ladies head to an IN10SITY competition in Denver. Jabby had initially picked Chloe to be featured in the group number, but decides to give the slot to Ally. You can guess how that is received. Jabby then threatens to pull the group number and just let Ally do the featured part as a solo. I’m glad that they are starting off with the fake shit right away – I wouldn’t expect anything less. Also, Chloe, Maddie, Kendall and Mackenzie do solos, but Jabby questions whether they are still good enough to win after allegedly slacking off all summer.
Let’s see. What else… oh, Cathy hatches another nefarious scheme that is rivaled only by her genius in creating beef jerky commercials. And Vivi speaks!
Leslie makes a cameo in a bizarre scene that has nothing to do with anything else in the episode.
Finally, Jabby has a “date” with a former classmate that she and Kelly supposedly fought over 30 years ago who just happens to live in Denver and apparently has nothing better to do on a Saturday afternoon than attend a dance competition full of underage girls.
I am currently battling bubonic plague [shameless bid for sympathy], but I will have the full recap up in a few days. If you want to relive the glory that was Dance Moms season 2 or season 1, you may do so here.
So what did you guys think? Are you as excited as I am to be reunited with the Pittsburgh crew? (I promise not to start complaining at least until episode 6, depending on how obviously fake the storylines are.) As always, thanks for reading and have a fab day!