Minicap: Dance Moms

Oh my god, you guys. This episode defies words. First of all, Jabby makes the girls dress like NAKED SHOWGIRLS for the group number and although the moms put up their usual ineffectual outcry, they go on stage anyway. Unsurprisingly, the girls don’t even place, because he judges were VISIBLY uncomfortable. Is it possible they were disqualified? Someone suggested that on another message board because otherwise Jabster would have been screaming that they somehow screwed up when instead she just sort shrugs and calls it a learning experience. (Lesson 1: Tell people you are a dancer, not a stripper.)

Maddie FINALLY makes it back to the top of the pyramid, so we can hold off on her intervention for one more week. She and Chloe do solos and Maddie wins best score overall, while Chloe only wins second place in the juniors division. I think Chloe did way better, but then again, we’ve established that I’m solidly on Team Chloe.

Kelly and Christi throw a surprise engagement/bachelorette/it’s 5 o’clock somewhere party for Melissa, who is not thrilled. Oh and they get a stripper. Who Jabby is all over. (No word on whether the guy went on a weeklong oxycontin bender afterwards.)

And FINALLY, we meat – ha ha – Crazy Cathy’s husband Mike, who – no joke – owns a BEEF JERKY store. He decides that he needs to make a commercial but he can’t afford the $100-200K that it would take to make a professional one. Cathy offers to make it for him but she needs a stahhhh. So she calls in Chloe who has all that video experience from last season’s fake Lux video and… I just… poor Chloe. Two words: Jerky suit.

I’ll let you ponder that while you wait for the full recap.

By the way, if you’re a fan of Beef Jerky, you can “like” Tommy’s Jerky on Facebook.

Thanks for reading and thanks for being patient during all the hacker drama. Full ‘cap’ll be up in a coupla days.

xoxo,
SnoopK8

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