Pretend I’m yelling at you
Hola, Gasmii. Well, after last week’s controversy, we have a pretty tame episode this week. I like how Lifetime is completely pretending that the naked showgirls thing didn’t happen. They’ve whitewashed it from the website and even the “Previously” segment only shows Jabby screaming at Chloe that the fake beef jerky commercial is going to come back to haunt her.
Maddie retains her spot on top of the pyramid, so the planets remain in alignment for one more week. But can she make it three weeks? Only the shadow knows.
The girls are going to Miami for what looks like a completely fabricated competition at Florida International University. The group dance theme is “Annette Funicelli and Beach Bingo” (™ Paige).
Maddie, Chloe and Nia have solos and Maddie, Chloe and Paige are doing a trio. But! Paige has to have plantar warts removed from her feet, so she may not be able to dance. Holly thinks Jabby should put Nia in the trio to cover Paige so she interrupts rehearsal to give Jabby a piece of her mind. They end up getting into a screaming fight and Holly storms out and threatens not to come back. She eventually relents and lets Nia return, although Nia misses a day of rehearsals. And then Brody and Kristin make out while Spencer and Heidi throw dishes at each other. Sorry. Sometimes I get my fake shows confused.
MEANWHILE, in this week’s WTF moment, Crazy Cathy gets Kendall a gig dancing during the halftime show at a Harlem Globetrotters game. All I can say about that is, who knew there were still Harlem Globetrotters?
In Miami, the group number is super cute, but only comes in third. Paige pulls off the trio despite her painful feet, and the trio girls come in second. Nia freezes up on stage but gets a do-over and comes in third (out of three?). Chloe finishes second for her solo, and Maddie wins, although I have to say, I do think Maddie did better than Chloe this week. (See, I’m totally fair and balanced.)
I don’t know, despite all Jabby’s talk about how talented Miami dancers are, I don’t think this was a real competition. It just felt off to me and this show has completely eroded my trust. And if you can’t trust a reality show to be real, what can you trust?
I’ll have answers to these existential questions and more in the full recap, which’ll be up in couple of days. If you missed last week’s debacle (which you may never see thanks to the fascists at Lifetime) check out the recap here.
Otherwise, thanks for reading and I will catch you on the flip side.
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