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Good morning Gasmii. This week’s show was chock full of WTF, so let’s get to it.
Previously: Holly wants Nia to have a solo; Paige had warts; Kendall performed at a Harlem Globetrotters game and I drank more than usual to make the lambs stop screaming.
Maddie remains atop the pyramid for a third week in a row. Who saw that coming?
This week, the girls head to Chicago for Company Dance face their “nemis,” the Candy Apples. The group number is about a homeless child and Maddie will do a solo. Jabby puts Nia in a trio with Chloe and Maddie to appease Holly and to ensure they don’t win anything. The Candy Apples’ group number is about scary clowns, while Justice, The Dancer Formerly Known as Creepy Red-headed Kid, will go up against Maddie in a solo.
Shrill and Melissa meet for a fake lunch and Shrill talks about how great Cathy and the Candy Apples are.
The moms continue to bug Melissa about her secret engagement, which is so secret that she’s not even wearing her ring anymore. Melissa gets super pissed and storms out, but not before getting on her cellphone and yelling at someone to “call the attorney.” Melissa threatens not to go to Chicago, but changes her mind and shows up back at Jabby’s the next day. Jabby screams at the other moms for being mean to Melissa, leading THEM to get mad and storm out. This show should be called “Storm Out Moms.”
In Chi-Town, Maddie wins her division, handily beating Justice. The trio wins nothing and the group comes in third place. Candy Apple Taylor breaks her ankle on stage, while Machiavelli Shrill cackles and rubs her hands in the hopes that Kendall will get Taylor’s parts.
In a page right out of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Melissa has apparently sent the moms a letter from an attorney threatening to sue if they talk about her personal life. Because when you go on a reality show, you obviously don’t want anyone to know about your personal life. When confronted, she claims it wasn’t her, but her fiancé, and she had nothing to do with it. The moms are understandably all WTF?
After the competition, Crazy Apple Cathy comes into the dressing room with an “engagement” gift for Melissa, but Melissa says she’s not allowed to talk about it, and for Cathy to talk to her lawyer. She leaves amid a hail of screaming.
Next week, Nia twists her ankle, Kelly wants a boob job and Chloe freezes up on stage.
I don’t get this “I will sue if you talk about me after I consented to go on a reality show” trend. Why would you sign on to do the show if you had any self-respect whatsoever? You’ve sold your soul and the devil don’t give refunds. (Well, except maybe that one time in Georgia.)
ANYWAY, I will have the full freakshow up in a couple days. If you’re bored or masochistic you can read about last week’s snoozefest here. Otherwise, thanks for reading and have a great day.