Hey guys – Potty Mouth is out this week, so I’m filling in on Lifetime’s “Dance Moms.” And I have to admit, I was a little scared to watch this. I have worked at a children’s dance studio and having dealt with many stage parents, I was afraid watching this show would trigger some sort of post-traumatic stress disorder episode.
Instead, this show made my life seem so much better! Some of these women are horrible! I assume you’ve been following Potty Mouth’s awesome recaps so far, so I’m just gonna give you a short follow-up today in order to take more time on the full recap and do it some justice.
We return to the Abby Lee Dance Company, where Abby starts off telling her tiny little fragile dancers who among them is better than the others. But she doesn’t just talk about it; she provides a visual with a pyramid structure. Just to make them feel worse, she also fills the kids in on the conflicts she had with their parents during the last episode.
Why can’t you all be more like Maddy here?
But there’s no time to talk about what kind of therapy these kids will need when they grow up – their next competition is in New Jersey, which is close to New York – and just in case a Broadway scout decides to stop by a children’s dance competition 90 miles away, they need to step it up with an acrobatic routine.
This episode partially focuses on poor Brooke, who’s almost twice the age of the other girls – and she’s not even at the top of the pyramid!!! At thirteen, all Brooke wants to do is go to the mall and hang out with her cheerleader friends, who are much cooler than dancers. Her mother Kelly toys for a split second with letting her quit, but luckily is reminded (in front of her children) by Abby that she ruined her life by quitting dance at the same age and is now doing nothing good with her life – well, except for getting married to a wonderful man and raising some great kids, if you count that as doing something good with your life. Apparently Abby does not.
After some consideration, Brooke’s mother talks her into sticking with it. But then divine intervention happens. Brooke’s hip has been injured and her chiropractor has ordered her not to dance this weekend. But why listen to your body or a doctor or even a higher being when you can listen to Abby? Nope, says Kelly, Abby says you must dance, so dance you must!
Hang in there, kid. In a few years that hip will give out and you won’t have to dance – or even walk – anymore!
The other main focus this episode is Cathy, whose daughter Vivi-Anne is given a solo and private coaching to help welcome her to the community. Why Cathy, who owns her own dance studio, has Vivi-Anne in another school is beyond me, but I have the feeling it has something to do with creating drama.
Rather than saying that Cathy is a crazy, back-stabbing bee-atch, let’s be nice and say that she has some, um, personal issues she could work on. She’s here to get some dirt on the other moms – or their husbands – and she’s using Melissa to do it. And rather than using Abby’s chorography for Vivi-Anne’s solo, she uses her own. Well, that doesn’t go over well with the folks at Abby Lee’s Dance Company, and it doesn’t help when Vivi-Anne tells the judges at the competition she’s representing her mom’s dance studio and not Abby’s; nor does it help that they actually leave the competition early and don’t stick around to support the other girls.
Would you trust this face?
Not cool, says Abby. Not cool. But does she kick Vivi-Anne off the team? Nope. Because then there wouldn’t be any drama. And without drama, there wouldn’t be a show. Then we’d just be watching a bunch of 7-year-olds we don’t know prance around in leotards, which actually seems kind of icky.
Besides, Abby still has to watch her other girls perform – and they do awesome! They are quite the little dancers – and Brooke shines as the lead acrobat. Spoiler alert – they win the big competition in New Jersey, which borders New York, where the moms dream their daughters will end up in a studio apartment with four other dancers someday, struggling to eat. But that’s in the distant future. Did I mention they won? In the end Brooke is ecstatic, which will make it all seem worth it when she has her hip replaced at the age of 17.
My god, Potty Mouth, how do you take this every week? I don’t know, but I have a ton of respect for you and am your new biggest fan. But come back soon – because not only do your readers miss you, but I’m not sure I can take another episode of this! XOXO!!!