MiniCap: Dance Moms

Recaps

By TheCzar | Thursday, July 28, 2011 | 2:35 pm | 13 Comments
Tagged: , , ,
Posted in: Dance Moms, MiniCaps, Recaps

Hey guys – Potty Mouth is out this week, so I’m filling in on Lifetime’s “Dance Moms.” And I have to admit, I was a little scared to watch this. I have worked at a children’s dance studio and having dealt with many stage parents, I was afraid watching this show would trigger some sort of post-traumatic stress disorder episode.

Instead, this show made my life seem so much better! Some of these women are horrible! I assume you’ve been following Potty Mouth’s awesome recaps so far, so I’m just gonna give you a short follow-up today in order to take more time on the full recap and do it some justice.

We return to the Abby Lee Dance Company, where Abby starts off telling her tiny little fragile dancers who among them is better than the others. But she doesn’t just talk about it; she provides a visual with a pyramid structure. Just to make them feel worse, she also fills the kids in on the conflicts she had with their parents during the last episode.

Abby builds pyramid 7.28.11 Why can’t you all be more like Maddy here?

But there’s no time to talk about what kind of therapy these kids will need when they grow up – their next competition is in New Jersey, which is close to New York – and just in case a Broadway scout decides to stop by a children’s dance competition 90 miles away, they need to step it up with an acrobatic routine.

This episode partially focuses on poor Brooke, who’s almost twice the age of the other girls – and she’s not even at the top of the pyramid!!! At thirteen, all Brooke wants to do is go to the mall and hang out with her cheerleader friends, who are much cooler than dancers. Her mother Kelly toys for a split second with letting her quit, but luckily is reminded (in front of her children) by Abby that she ruined her life by quitting dance at the same age and is now doing nothing good with her life – well, except for getting married to a wonderful man and raising some great kids, if you count that as doing something good with your life. Apparently Abby does not.

After some consideration, Brooke’s mother talks her into sticking with it. But then divine intervention happens. Brooke’s hip has been injured and her chiropractor has ordered her not to dance this weekend. But why listen to your body or a doctor or even a higher being when you can listen to Abby? Nope, says Kelly, Abby says you must dance, so dance you must!

Brook wants to be a normal kid 7.28.11 Hang in there, kid. In a few years that hip will give out and you won’t have to dance – or even walk – anymore!

The other main focus this episode is Cathy, whose daughter Vivi-Anne is given a solo and private coaching to help welcome her to the community. Why Cathy, who owns her own dance studio, has Vivi-Anne in another school is beyond me, but I have the feeling it has something to do with creating drama.

Rather than saying that Cathy is a crazy, back-stabbing bee-atch, let’s be nice and say that she has some, um, personal issues she could work on. She’s here to get some dirt on the other moms – or their husbands – and she’s using Melissa to do it. And rather than using Abby’s chorography for Vivi-Anne’s solo, she uses her own. Well, that doesn’t go over well with the folks at Abby Lee’s Dance Company, and it doesn’t help when Vivi-Anne tells the judges at the competition she’s representing her mom’s dance studio and not Abby’s; nor does it help that they actually leave the competition early and don’t stick around to support the other girls.

would you trust this face 7.28.11 Would you trust this face?

Not cool, says Abby. Not cool. But does she kick Vivi-Anne off the team? Nope. Because then there wouldn’t be any drama. And without drama, there wouldn’t be a show. Then we’d just be watching a bunch of 7-year-olds we don’t know prance around in leotards, which actually seems kind of icky.

Besides, Abby still has to watch her other girls perform – and they do awesome! They are quite the little dancers – and Brooke shines as the lead acrobat. Spoiler alert – they win the big competition in New Jersey, which borders New York, where the moms dream their daughters will end up in a studio apartment with four other dancers someday, struggling to eat. But that’s in the distant future. Did I mention they won? In the end Brooke is ecstatic, which will make it all seem worth it when she has her hip replaced at the age of 17.

My god, Potty Mouth, how do you take this every week? I don’t know, but I have a ton of respect for you and am your new biggest fan. But come back soon – because not only do your readers miss you, but I’m not sure I can take another episode of this! XOXO!!!

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13 Comments

  1. 1
    Alex Pasculle
    Posted July 28, 2011 at 9:13 pm

    Haha really…? Don’t you just think you know it all. I can guarantee half of the stuff ur saying you have no idea what your tlkinf about.do u kno brookes mom? Do you know Abby lee? Well then you don’t have any room to be posting on the Internet about a girl and her family . Soo why don’t u stick to reporting stuff in witch you do kno about?

  2. 2
    whattafan
    Posted July 28, 2011 at 11:45 pm

    WTF?!?!?!!! It is a satirical website ! Lighten up. Of course no one “kno brookes mom” (sic) but she put her daughter on this train wreck for the world to see. The girls are sweet but their moms are living vicariously through them and apparently to the girls detriment. Potty Mouth and The Czar…. carry on !

  3. 3
    Phartsmeller
    Posted July 29, 2011 at 12:43 am

    Cathy is a crazy, back-stabbing bee-atch. There, Czar, I said it for you.

    Oh, and Alex…was that even English? I don’t think I could spell that incorrectly or write that incomprehensively if I tried. Or perhaps you might understand it better if I presented it to you as, “wuz dat ingls? cuz I don thhk i cant spel that bad or right soo crazy.” (Hey, look at that! I CAN write like a first grader if I try…)

  4. 4
    quirkyburd
    Posted July 29, 2011 at 6:54 am

    Haha really Alex…? Don’t you just think you know it all. I can guarantee half of the stuff ur saying you have no idea what your tlkinf about.do u kno TheCzar? Do you know PottyMouth? Well then you don’t have any room to be posting on the Internet about a recapper and their show. Soo why don’t u stick to reporting stuff in witch you do kno about?

    Clearly you missed the entire point of this website. That or else you don’t get it. I’m guessing it’s the second one.

  5. 5
    giffordsaz
    Posted July 29, 2011 at 7:21 am

    Holy Crap. I caught the show on rerun last night and what a bunch of fucked up moms. ANd can we say a prayer that Abby has not reproduced and an end might come to the Abby Miller studio?
    On a humorous note. I can see me spelling that bad when I am LIVE Feedcapping big brother.. unfortunatly.
    And on a more humorous note.. ALEX… you rock my world little girl. I love love posters just like you, Keep it coming.. be brave and don’t let these big bullies push you around. And don’t forget to come back for the full recap. You might find that kinder and gentler… While you wait you should go back and read last weeks recap. IT was very compimentary to Brooke’s Mom.. really nice things.
    But might I suggest you hit the books and the vocabulary test at least half as much as you hit the hard boards in the studio.

  6. 6
    Lizbot
    Posted July 29, 2011 at 9:00 am

    Umm…I’m thinking that Alex is either Brooke, Brooke’s best friend, or Brooke’s little sister. Be gentle on the poor kid.

    I don’t watch the show, but when I read this:
    Brooke’s hip has been injured and her chiropractor has ordered her not to dance this weekend. But why listen to your body or a doctor or even a higher being when you can listen to Abby? Nope, says Kelly, Abby says you must dance, so dance you must!”

    Ok, seriously, all joking aside — where is Child Protective Services? Where I come from this qualifies as child abuse. And wth are these children’s fathers and do they have any spines or motivation to protect their children? Sadly, while these girls will likely need therapy when they grow up, it’s more likely that they will subject their own children to similar abuse.

  7. 7
    plockeness monster
    Posted July 29, 2011 at 9:19 am

    Whoa. Alex, if you don’t like the recap, don’t read it. And CALM DOWN.

    I am loving this show!! And the recaps! Thanks for stepping in this week, Czar.

    Poor Brooke. Her mom is trying to re-live her dance life through her daughters. So.Sad.

  8. 8
    CattyFan CattyFan
    Posted July 29, 2011 at 9:37 am

    Phartsmeller…if you want to write and spell like Alex, drink more alcohol. Or hit yourself in the head a few times. Either method should work.

  9. 9
    joye
    Posted July 29, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    I watch Dance Moms and Toddlers & Tiaras only to prep myself to enjoy the hilarious recaps here. Now THAT is entertainment! Satire is actually a high form of humor…love it when everybody gets it. I won’t hop all over you, Alex…probably your first time here and you just didn’t realize that we all come here to mock and scorn in anonymity.

  10. 10
    Chicken Lips
    Posted July 29, 2011 at 9:38 pm

    Why was ol’ Abbs all up in arms about Cathyspawn not saying she’s with Abby Lee – she came in 7th? Does Abby want to be associated with that? I think not. I’m thinking that had she said Abby Lee, Abbs would’ve made her head spin with jabbering about how that wasn’t her dance and she didn’t want her name attached to it.

    And I think the next time my boss jumps all over me, I’m going to do Cathy’s “moving on” song and dance.

  11. 11
    TheCzar
    Posted July 30, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    Hey thanks for all the support you guys! That’s ok, Alex, you don’t have to like it, and you’re entitled to your opinion. It is a satirical Web site and while I can understand you wanting to defend your friends, it’s always worth taking the time to type a clear and intelligent comment before you click send on this or any site – otherwise readers might mistake your comments and misspellings for that of a “little girl,” even from those who support you. But, the point of this site is to parody television shows, and that is what I know. Thanks for reading, everyone – I will have a full recap up soon.

  12. 12
    Rose
    Posted February 9, 2012 at 7:52 pm

    I like to wach dance mom and mackenzie she is so cute.

  13. 13
    Rose
    Posted February 9, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    I like to wach dance moms and mackenzie she is so cute.

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