It’s the RuPOCALYPSE!!!!!
Ah, the New Year. Everything is fresh and new. Anything is possible. It brings hope, plans, resolutions, dreams…and a new batch of bitchy, padded, painted, wig snatching queens all seeking RuPaul’s love and acceptance. Welcome to season four of the greatest TV show, ever, and our last, best hope in these trying times, welcome back to RuPaul’s Drag Race, Gurrr.
As always, the girls all walk in telling us how fierce they are and how they’re the total package because…I don’t know. It all blends together better than Shangela ever managed to blend that damn five o’clock shadow off her jaw. The few who stand out to me in the “Get to Know a Queen,” segment are the Princess because that’s one mighty transformation from WeHo meth-faced hooker (said with love, because the Princess seemed really sweet despite the meth face) to queen, Jiggly Caliente who looks prettier and more like a girl without makeup, Phi Phi O’Hara because bitch needs a near-death experience to get the hell over herself and learn what a sense of humor is, Latrice Royale because she’s living that name, Willam who has struck an entertaining balance of bitchy to dumb blonde, and then…this…and zing went the strings of my heart:
Be forewarned, I’m pretty lax and everyone has a right to his or her own opinion and can’t we all just get along, but I will cut down anyone who has anything bad to say about the divine Sharon Needles. Except maybe that he has an even worse case of meth face than the Princess out of drag because, that’s not a diss that’s just a fact. But in drag I have decided that Sharon’s my spirit guide (along with Bernie Sanders, so make of that what you will) and while I have no doubt she’s a bit outré and niche to win, I’m with her as long as she’s on the show.
Back again are Shawn and Jason, last season’s pit crew (FYI, I met Jason at a RPDR event and he’s taller than I thought, way more gorgeous in person and one of the most delightful people I’ve ever met.), in their teeny, tiny briefs and Mike Ruiz to do the premiere photo shoot, this time at a toxic waste dump. I’m a little surprised at who won the challenge, but nothing much comes with the win so whatever. None of the pictures were tragic or spectacular.
Main challenge is, again, a runway challenge where the queens are tasked with creating a post-apocalyptic look after looting enough crap from drag queen zombies, featuring many past contestants including Delta in really beautiful Día de los Muertos makeup and Shannel reminding me that as annoying and humorless as she can be, she can put together a really spectacularly theatrical look, when she’s not looking like middle management at a Fortune 500 company.
Challenge seems right in Sharon’s wheelhouse which perfectly sets up the stank Phi Phi to sniff her nose at what an “amateur” Sharon is, because it’s not like pride goeth before the fall or anything. But they’re not going anywhere this week because what’s RuPaul’s Drag Race without a good and nasty feud between queens? Ru tells the queens that Elvira is the guest judge and this is what Sharon does:
See, I can’t hate someone who does really bad cheerleader kicks just at the mention of Elvira’s name. And she has a Tammy Faye tattoo. She’s like a rainbow, a unicorn, a cupcake and a handful of Xanax all in one. But Phi Phi can, and does, so I dub Phi Phi the new Shangela and hope Sharon manages to outlast her because people like Phi Phi don’t need validation, they already think they’re awesome.
Full recap in a few days. Until then, you can catch up on the last season here.
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Thanks for being here!