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Tuesday, May 22, 2012
12:00 pm
30 Comments
Tagged: adagio, asiago, dolphins, Eden Wood, Fransolonely Cutabitch, logo, Mickie Wood, pageants, pennydreadful, reality, recap, recaps, snarky, TV, tvgasm
This one’s for all you Fransolonely fans. You’re welcome.
Howdy, Gasmii! This week we were back in never left Hattiesburg to see Samantha a/k/a Sammi and her mother Lori. Lori doesn’t want Sammi to continue in pageants since Lori is getting so much bashing on the pageant boards. Some of those folks will be at the pageant on Saturday. I suspect she gets bashed because she is in turn a basher. Permittez moi d’introduire la bouilloire pour le pot.
Eden then records Country Queen – remember that delightful song from the first ep? – in a “recording studio” which seems to be somebody’s rec room. Klassy.
Later, Heather and Andrew have yet another argument. In the course of the argument, Heather says “adultery could kick a shark’s a-s”. I ran the program back 3 times and kept hearing “adultery”. Even for this program, that’s one hell of an odd statement. Then I tried closed captioning, and she was actually saying “a dolphin”. A dolphin can kick a shark’s a-s? Marine biologist Gasmii*, is this true? I’ll do some research for the full recap. Because as always, the Gasm is about entertaining – and educating.
In NYC, Eden meets with the owners of Beach Bum Tanning to consider becoming a spokesperson. Then she meets with some designer named Adagio. Or Asiago. He’s inspired, BTW, by God and Love.
Then we hear the first mention of the “purple cow theory”. That’s something Stephen Hawking is working on, right?
Back in MS, Andrew makes an a-s of himself again, he and Heather get into it – yes, again – Lori wins a prize, and Shparkle shares where her loyalties lie.
Full recap up in a few days, just in time for your long weekend. I will include further dolphin discussion, some of the lyrics to Country Queen, an in-depth analysis of the “purple cow theory” (which is not a theory, because Shparkle doesn’t know what that word means), and in response to popular demand, a shot of Heather’s designer outfit, in particular those beige pants – and much more.
We’d be so happy if you spend the weekend with us here at the Gasm. Show your patriotism by laughing at fellow Americans! It’s the American way.
*Have you noticed that in every recap I call upon a segment of the Gasmii population that likely does not exist? Coroners, astrophysicists, marine biologists . . . well, some of them must like to visit this site, right? Right?
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30 Comments
Pageant mothers! Does anyone know Lori and Sammi from the pageant world? Is she for reals being bashed and in turn bashing? Or was that just the made up drama for this “weeks” pageant?
For the love of God, please someone, somewhere teach Heather how to dress for her body type. I think we would all REALLY appreciate it.
Do they mean this?
I’ve never seen a purple cow
I never hope to see one
But, I can tell you this right now
I’d rather see than be one.
Is Heather mis-remembering Will Ferrell? Oh, Heather. Tsk. She and Andrew need to call a truce already. I already forgot about what cutabitch was said to have done. Go away, E team.
Oh I couldn’t wait for this recap. It was all I could think about last night lying in bed watching this CRAP !!
Hillbilly Heather is really starting to get on my last nerve. Am I mistaken or does it seem that Andrew is lining up all the contacts and fat ass Hillbilly Heather (Love that name PD, you get all the credit) shoots down everything he does. Mama didn’t think the Designer was good enough for Eden, are you freakin kidding me? You should take anything you can get Mickie, cause I agree with a posting on the last recap- Eden is getting chubby and sometimes is not so cute anymore. Here’s my major complaint- Eden, doing street? Was she raised in the ghettos of Louisiana or wherever the hell she’s from? Please, LOGO, stop with the Eden talking hood, it just doesn’t fly with her Southern drawl!! Andrew, I think you are tres cool and you should totally dropkick Hillbilly Heather and Dragon Hairdresser to the curb.
Closet, much as I luvs ya, puleeze don’t let’s have this turn into the pageant love-fest that T&T has become. The experts are on that site and will be delighted to answer you questions.
I hope we can concentrate on the awfulness that is the E-Team.
Okay, back on topic. Thank you, PennyDarling for the photo of Fransolovely! I hope it is suitable for framing as a dartboard.
Didn’t watch it, won’t watch it. But the recaps, now that I enjoy.
I am laughing at myself because I don’t even watch this show (but I do skim recaps because of T&T addiction issues), but I had to stop to comment:
dolphins can kick sharks’ asses, although it is largely due to the fact that sharks travel solo and dolphins travel in groups. Dolphins work as a team to protect each other and their young, and are far more maneuverable and adept at evasive motion. They don’t “hunt” or seek sharks, but if attacked, dolphins gang up on and drive it away, sometimes inflicting harm or killing a persistent shark. One on one I think the shark would win a match with a similarly sized dolphin, as sharks are faster, more aggressive and have a greater number of terrible pointy teeth.
@Pat,, hilarious.. yes dont forget about Francockulus.. Fransolovely more so I like Dragon Hairdresser.. that really fits her well.. LMAO.. what a cutabitch!! She thinks she is all up in the limelight .. Hate to tell you sweetheart but this awful show is not going to make it much longer. You can count on that. Your best bet is to find a pole to swing on about like the one that you just got off of. This show is so embarrassing and a disgrace !! I cant believe that they would even put this mess on TV. Watched it the very first night and that was it.. I couldn’t stand it anymore! Love the recaps though,, there the best.. keep them coming and spare me the show along with the characters!!
I’m a tap-dancing nurse, so feel free to call out to that segment of the population whenever you’d like. What is even sadder is in college, my nickname was “Sparkles” and Mickie has totally ruined that for me now. Btw, give Eden a few more years and she will lose her cuteness, so she’ll just wind up untalented, ugly, and forgotten like most child performers. Poor thing thinks she is God’s gift to this planet thanks to The Lovely E Team!!! She’ll be drinking by the time she’s 12.
I’ve never heard of Lori or Sammie and I’ve not once seen the childs name mentioned on ANY of the bash boards. So its the usual made up drama.
Veruca, they are on the Toddlers & Tiaras site, not here. It is a pageant mother who, very much like Mickie, puts her toddler in beauty pageants so that she can get attention. I’m sure they are figments of TLC’s productin company.
Not involved with Dear Eden and Mommy Dearest, et al.
Snowshoecat; “love fest” That was too freaking funny
Did Eden even “coach” Sammi? The only contact that I can remember is when Eden said congrats or something like that at the end. If there is a season 2 I hope they do away with the “pageant training’ bullshit. I would rather watch delusional Mickie’s take on how an audition went as well as watch Heather’s face contort in all sorts of ways every time Andrew opens his mouth.
@Pat Ledoux There’s not any point in any of those little meme things they teach her.
She can’t even talk plain
In the 1st or 2nd episode that 1 guy said it right to her little face. (In a nice way)
I agree with all the people that said she’d need to get into a class to ever find out if she’s got any talent or not.
But till a (non drunk) grown person gets ahold of her and teaches her to read and talk plain it’s going to be hard for them to even find a class that’ll take her.
Sorry. I messed up 1 of those code things. Will we ever get an edit button?
Does “Hooked on Phonics” need a new spokesperson? Mommy Drunkest could kill two birds with one stone.
I must thank Professor PennyD for the lesson on setting fire to the rain. I had no idea…
“Does “Hooked on Phonics” need a new spokesperson? Mommy Drunkest could kill two birds with one stone.” Love it!
BedHeadJen, you have managed to come up with an idea that actually makes sense. Maybe you can replace both Heather and Andrew. I am not kidding. Post this on their FB page. My only concern is that typically those commercials show before and after shots. Sadly Eden will most likely be forever stuck in the before.
Snowshoe — I know. I’m a pageant mom and what Im saying is that I’ve never seen her mentioned on any of the known pageant mom bash boards.
Oh Closet, you are simply toooooo funny! Eden coach Sammi? Nobody could possibly do a better job of coaching that paragon of pageant perfection better than her mother. Silly Closet.
No, It seems to me that Eden coaches twelve year olds, primarily, and we all know how plausible that is. Coaching, by the way, seems to be a demonstration of pretty feet and reminder to be the whole package. Or parroting whatever that HillJill mother mutters.
Kthxy, I am so impressed that you even use code. Took a class in writing code and decided that I’ll stick to English lest I inadvertantly start WWWIII. That was before it seems that it was actually done.
Fransolonely…that name gets me every time.
Fran, I recall, was a pageant mom herself, last shown not letting her cute daughter continue with gymnastics because pageants were SO much more important. Say what you will about gymnastics, it’s an actual skill requiring hard work and discipline and the kid loved it and had dreams of making the US Olympic team. That’s the one thing that makes me happy to see Fransolousy on this trainwreak: her daughter is at least temporarily free of her.
@kthxbai you are so correct, I forgot about that guy!
I realized I posted this under the T&T recap instead of here, but here it is nonetheless:
For your snark-i-rific consideration:
https://www.facebook.com/events/376012952437698/
BTW – isn’t the photo of the “Colombian Coffee Bean” that they misled to get on the show?
Merry, I can’t imagine anyone putting “walk while touching your skirt” over gymnastics. What? If the kid is good and/or loves it, let her do gymnastics. It is useful in a lot of ways… it’s good exercise, if she ever wants to be a cheerleader, it helps with dancing (and vice versa). Some kids can compete and maybe cutabitch could give her some glitter nail polish or whatever for competitions.
Also, is it me, or does Andrew look like someone called Central Casting and said, “Send me the gayest Wisconsiner you can,” and Andrew showed up? I mean, for someone who is a “NY publicist,” he really smacks of Lake Wobegon, doesn’t he?
And an agent and publicist have completely different jobs, so I’m not sure why they are competing – if they actually UNDERSTOOD what their jobs were. Fransolonely…well, she’s just a hot mess.
We all know who this SHOW is about…. NOT EDEN but her insane, selfish, all about me, uneducated drunk mother Sparklebaybee Mickie!! I say she is neglected that poor kid of her education, her abilty to talk correctly and pronuctiate (damn I know I messed up that word).. LOL.. her words correctly. Child services, please step in and take this child away. Also seems like The agent and sparklebabyee could be at each other’s throat as well just by watching and noticing how Sparkle bitch wants to be in charge of everything and she thinks its all about her and her child.. loved it when Andrew took on another client.. oh poor Mickie.. what do you think someone was going to steal your child’s or YOUR limelight.. LMAO.. thats exactly what you thought honey!! Deal with it Mickie.. you will be broke and your child will still be without an education in 5 yrs maybe even 3 !!
Agree … Francocklus is a hot mess!! This woman is relying on this show for another season.. You can tell.. she must have went to the same school as Mickie.. No education and no experience in this industry. She is supposed to be a makeup artist for pageants?? HMMM… what happened Cutabitch.. noone wants YOU to do their hair and makeup.. well hell I see why? Your work is terrible. I would not want my children to be around you or your so called E TEAM that YOU think you are apart of.. LMAO.. oh me LOGO.. can you please spare us and take this forsaken show off.
Maybe cutabitch could do makeup and hair for one or two little girls (e.g., her daughter and Eden), but she doesn’t have the skill or temperment to work on several different girls of varying age, appearance, experience (with sitting to get done up), and expectations. She certainly cannot do this under any sort of deadline.
Maybe she thought she’d only be doing hair and makeup for Eden and whomever Eden is “coaching” (not that she is qualified, really). She may also have figured all of the girls would be at least Eden’s age and used to the process. I am not taking up for her because she needs a totally different job, but she does act like she’s been thrown in over her head and refuses to admit that.
If Andrew is a New York publicist… okay, he’s not. He may want to be one. He may have even have lived in NYC for the past few years. On the logo site there is always Andrew’s opinion on things. I think he is the actual star of the show. So, he and Heather aren’t really fighting over their jobs, but over show dominance.
Both Andrew and Heather would have been fired for letting Eden stroll into an audition without a headshot or resume. Even if schparkle didn’t know they’d just ensured Eden would not be cast, the fact they couldn’t do something so simple is beyond incompetent. While I think they are just that incompetent, I think it was reality show shenanigans at work.
Poor Eden. What has she ever done to deserve being thrown into this mess of a situation.
@gun Kata.. I agree.. that poor child doesn’t have a clue!! Its only going to get worse Im afraid!!
Mickie is highly delusional though so may have written off advice and counsel as jealousy.
We saw how angry she got when that one professional talent manager told her that Eden should be learning how to read. Also, the song “Underpuppy” is a response to Sharon Osbourne who said that Eden shouldn’t be pimped out and should have a normal childhood and getting an education. I said essentially the same things on the Eden’s World FB page and crazy, creepy Mickie tried to stalk me. (“Friend” request: DENIED. I’m not going to allow that psycho nutcase to root around my private FB page.)
I don’t think Mickie is capable of recognizing this as a farce. This is one unbalanced, delusional woman who has put two mortgages on her house trying to buy fame for the daughter she has utterly failed to equip for any kind of real life.