MiniCap: Glamour Belles

Hey y’all! So last night we were treated to not just one, but two episodes of “Glamour Belles.” And let me tell you, they’ve really stepped it up a notch. But only one notch.

Episodes three and four finally captured the drama, tension and excitement women feel when shopping for evening wear. And if you’re a man who doesn’t understand what that could entail, let me rephrase it for you in layman’s terms: Blah blah blaaahhhh blah blah, nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah.

In episode three, Paige finds a homecoming dress for an over-developed 13-year-old (and manages to totally embarrass her in the process), diffuses a disagreement between a mother and daughter over dress color, and helps a girl with low self-esteem get her groove back.

But none of these storylines compare to the main event, which pairs Jared against Joann in a battle of the dogs – and wits! Both are entering their drop-kick doggies in a local costume contest, and only the bitchiest of bitches can win (and in this case, I’m not talking about the dogs). Much to her dismay, Jared dresses his little Chihuahua as Lady GaGa. Joann and her dog, Sir Winston, wear matching leopard print outfits – which is obviously very funny to all three of us who follow this show religiously and know that Joann loves leopard print.

After much name calling, eye-rolling and passive-aggressive insulting, neither Jared’s nor Joann’s dogs win the costume competition. I really hope they both learned something here: It’s not whether you win or lose – it’s how you’re perceived in the public eye. Cuz the way you portrayed yourselves on television last night made you both look like total jerks.

Episode four completely revolves around Miss Fall Fest, which is a preliminary pageant to Miss Tennessee, which could lead to Miss America! You can tell this pageant is a big deal by all 10 people who show up to it.

Three girls visit Joann’s dress shop in preparation of their big day: Brittny, a talentless hack who needs a stunning dress to cover up the fact she can’t play the piano; Ellen, a former Miss America runner up who will be MC-ing the event; and Madison, a first-time customer who Paige is dying to impress by finding her the perfect gown for the evening wear competition.

Who will win Miss Fall Fest? You’ll have to wait for the full recap to find out. But in the meantime, it’s time for another pageant question:

If you could go back and change any moment in history, what would that be?