MiniCap: Gossip Girl

Gossip Slife here. Your one and only source for hilarious recaps of The CW’s trashy teen soap, Gossip Girl. So, this week’s episode was as fun and frilly a romp as the pink-themed Breast Cancer party being thrown at Lily van der Woodsen’s fab manse. Blair’s Euro-trash prince Louis was in town, Cinderella slipper in tow, trying to covertly woo the panties off of Blair – and succeeding! Unfortunately, everyone seemed to be conspiring against them. First, Dan was conveniently hired to write some stalker puff piece on the prince’s visit to NYC, which threatened to expose their love affair. Then, thanks to blabber-mouth Manessa, Slutina and her nosy cousin Charlie were convinced that the mysterious guy Blair was skulking around town with was Dan! And to top it all off, Louis’ uptight manservant Lucien was hot on their trail, too!

Meanwhile, Raina was acting all boo-hoo about having a mom who supposedly pieced out on her when she was a kid, so Nate was trying to help her track down the missing mama. Upchuck knew the truth, however, that his dad accidentally killed Raina’s mom in a horrible, accidental arson attack, and did his best to derail Raina’s private investigation.

Elsewhere, Lily was trying to pretend that being under house arrest wouldn’t put a crimp in her social life. She had high hopes that no one would notice her gigundo SCRAM bracelet (hello, Lindsay Lohan!) But alas, Nate’s cunty mom, Ann Archibald decided to wage social war against the van der Woodsens!

Everything culminated at the big, frothy, over-the-top Breast Cancer party, where Blair’s ridiculous plan to kiss Dan in order to throw Lucien off the trail backfired enormously when bitchy, little Charlie uploaded video of the kiss to Gossip Girl!! All hell broke loose, and it ended with Blair and Slutina heading towards separate corners with their claws extra sharp! I love when these two go from besties to worsties! Always makes for a juicier ep! Stay tuned for the full recap!!