Minicap: Hotel Hell

Recaps

By BlueCanary | Wednesday, August 29, 2012 | 10:34 am | 16 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Hotel Hell, MiniCaps, Recaps

The Keating in San Diego is next on the list to get torn apart by our Gordon It’s run by super douchebag Eddie, a man with too much money, too little taste, and the predictable amount of hotel experience (zero, for those of you just catching up with this show). He’s been treating the hotel like his own personal whim tester, cutting corners everywhere except the décor, and is now millions of dollars in debt. His staff is miserable, and though everyone we meet seems to be in some sort of management position, they’re washing sheets and scrubbing toilets because there’s no housekeeping staff. The restaurant is a mess as well, and it’s not even in the hotel—it’s like half a block away on a different street. Since the room service orders go to the front desk instead of the kitchen, the concierge has to call them in and then someone has to walk them over. It’s just as inconvenient as it sounds. And Gordon’s suit is more than $700 a night!

Gordon has a healthy hatred for this place, and he doesn’t hesitate to tell Eddie all about it. There’s a fainting spell, an old hippie chef with a scrunchie in his braid, wrinkly sheets, and a restaurant manager named Dave, who gave away his final fuck ages ago. And since I know you’ll ask, yes—Gordon does indeed strip down and take a soak in that big tacky Jacuzzi. I’m pretty sure his hind end is now its own meme.

Join me later this week for the full recap, and catch up on last week’s disaster here.

BlueCanary is as unorthodox a blend of optimistic and bitter, laid-back and anxious, motivated and straight up lazy tas one is likely to meet outside an unspecified institution. She spent the past decade holding a variety of job titles, including reporter, tech writer, production manager, and administrative assistant (the go-to job in this economy for folks who just HAD to get that English degree). She is currently living under the tiny yet powerful thumb of an awesome, pint-sized little dude, who wets himself and can't form full sentences (read: stay at home mom). Another tyrannical little thumb is gestating in her womb. She is a regular on The Neutral Corner podcast and blogs at www.mamamuzzle.com. 

Blue's as-yet-unpublished YA novel, The Nature of Echoes, is currently a Quarterfinalist in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest. If you'd like to check it out, a free excerpt is available to download at http://www.amazon.com/Nature-Echoes-ABNA-Entry-ebook/dp/B00B9N3XFQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1363378599&sr=1-1&keywords=eva+gibson+abna.

16 Comments

  1. 1
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted August 29, 2012 at 11:13 am

    We need to create a “Gordon Ramsay’s Ass” meme. I’m on it!

  2. 2
    WishICouldDance
    Posted August 29, 2012 at 11:54 am

    YES!!! A worth while mission for the day!!! Thanks PopePhilly!!!

  3. 3
    OutHouseCat
    Posted August 29, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    I want to be the first to call BS on the fainting spell (or as we say down here, the DFO, as in he “done fell out.”) lol I won’t be a spoiler, but that was soooo fake.

    But Gordie’s hot tub scene more than made up for that mess. And thankfully, trailer park Tamra was nowhere in sight.

  4. 4
    KartofflMuter
    Posted August 29, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    Wow those rooms were ugly. I love red,but they abused it. $759 a night and no couch? The cheapest dump has 2 chairs and a table. Everyone of these hotels is bought by people with more money than taste and no common sense. We stayed at the Del Coronado maybe 10 years ago for business. They kept telling me how world famous they were. It was ok. By comparison,their cheapest room is $299 to and average of $425-but it’s on the beach. Still way cheaper than The Keating. Is Ramsay going to have a tub scene in every show now?

  5. 5
    SuburBint
    Posted August 29, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    @ KM — Right?! When he said $800/night, I had a mini-aneurysm. It could have been attractive, but if I’m paying almost 1K a night, I expect to at least be able to watch TV comfortably. Also, I’m pretty sure that seeing pixilated Gordon bits in every episode is indeed part of his contract and I for one am not going to complain. Actually, yes. Yes, I am going to complain. Boo to the pixilation! This is 2012, for goodness sake, Lucy and Ricky can sleep in the same bed and Gordon Ramsey can show two butt cheeks at once, dammit!

  6. 6
    Sharon
    Posted August 29, 2012 at 10:02 pm

    I’m sorry, I stopped reading at “Gordon Ramsey’s ass”…………

  7. 7
    KartofflMuter
    Posted August 29, 2012 at 10:35 pm

    Suburbia is Disturbia-Ramsay’s rear is nicer than mine these days,but it’s not the nicest I’ve seen. Is this what’s called “giving one for the team”? (or if you had your wish-2?) Of course,I’m not used to seeing naked white guys. And naked brown men usually are carrying tridents and ,thick beards,and covered from head to toe in ashes.

  8. 8
    sagittariuskim sagittariuskim
    Posted August 29, 2012 at 11:44 pm

    @KM Thank you for reminding of Naga Babas right before I go to bed. I saw a picture of one during my Asian religions class, it caught me completely off guard and scared the crap out of me.

  9. 9
    KartofflMuter
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 12:21 am

    Sagittarius-they’re really not all that scary till they dance around the trees. Try sleeping with one some time. Those tridents are sharp but the toenails a wicked sharp.

  10. 10
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 6:16 am

    @KM, it would still no doubt be preferable to having to sleep at the Keating.

  11. 11
    SuburBint
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 6:52 am

    @ KM — It’s not so much a matter of whose bum it is as the fact that we all know what’s under those pixels, so who is really being served by this pandering-to-the-pearl-clutchers, no-naked-arses-alllowed-on-primetime-reality-shows, faux morality? It’s not like GR’s sipping coffee out on the hotel balconies, wedding tackle gently fluttering in the breeze. It’s an arse, and the last time I checked, we all have one, be we male, female, male-to-female transsexual, female-to-male transsexual, hermaphrodite, or just a fellow who likes to wear his wife’s knickers under his Armani suits during important, Armani-suit-worthy meetings. Also, given my druthers, I would far prefer to see naked brown men than naked white men — pasty, pink flesh seems so infantile and not quite finished in comparison. But I’ll take what I can get, and apparently I can’t even get pasty, aging, British bum these days. Not on American television at any rate. Le sigh. But if Gordo wants to get his kit off and shake his booty for my amusement on a weekly basis, then let him, say I!

  12. 12
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 6:58 am

    @SuperB, then why on earth is he in the tub fully clothed. I think it would be a purrrrrfect excuse to see a shot of a pasty white British torso.

    And knees.

  13. 13
    KartofflMuter
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 9:43 am

    Super and Sno-well yes-even at their best-white bum is rather-pasty jiggly so-what?kind of look. Brown bum is unconquered
    territory,adventure land, a new Disney ride. And even though my husband speaks Oxford English,he still says such “Indian” things,like “will you cut my neck?” He means shave-but-depending on my mood–well-I can have fun with that. And as long as I have the razor,I leave my initials in his back hair. He’s got a nice bum. With a 31″ waist and 40″ chest,he’s doing alright considering we both just turned 61. Did you know that Hindus are inherently incapable of putting on muscle tissue at the same rate as other people? I read this on the front page of the Kolkata newspaper.Though I’m skeptical, it does ring true when you think of all of the thin rickshaw pullers with no muscle definition.I realize diet plays into this but -no muscles? Most of the hunky movie stars are Muslim and go on strict diets with weight training. (And they are so hunky.) Danny Boyle had a hard time finding a star for Slumdog till his daughter told him about Dev Patel who was appearing in Skins. Either way-still a nice bum. My kids turned out caramel colored. Yum.

  14. 14
    KartofflMuter
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 8:02 pm

    OOH-next week,vermin,bugs,and dirty linen.Maybe he won’t want to go near the bathtub. Chances are good he doesn’t fit in the sink. By now,shouldn’t he have learned to carry granola bars,bottled water, wipes,a towel,sheet,blanket,and lysol? We do-no matter how much the hotel costs-and some airline silverwear and collapsible cups. Survival mode.

  15. 15
    SuburBint
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    @ KM — “Brown bum is unconquered territory,adventure land, a new Disney ride.” And I had to go and marry a Swede. Oh well, I love him in spite of his pasty arse.

    I keep fluctuating between dread and excitement for when they finally bring out the black lights and show just how… splattered?… the rooms really are. Reminds me of an episode of The Office. “What are those stains?” “Either blood, urine, or semen.” “God, I hope it’s urine.”

  16. 16
    KartofflMuter
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    Subby-Vell-vat ver yuh tinkink? Yellow curly fuzz,all ofer da place,while I’m seetin preety weet my nice leetle browny and his hairy black tights donchaknow. (You haven’t thought of all the possibilities but I’ve watched shows where there were glowing spots on the ceiling. I think it was on CSI.Did they jump on the bed and spit for distance? )

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