It’s the Hotel Hell finale already, and here we were, just getting warmed up. This last one is a two-hour special, and it’s packed with all the delusion and hideous, gross, vomit-inducing madness we’ve been waiting for. The episode actually covers two different hotels, both of which get subjected to Gordon’s blacklight. I assume he checks all the beds he ever sleeps in, but so far only these two have yielded horrible results.
The first half of the episode focuses on The River Rock Inn, run by a micromanaging owner who seems to be anal retentive about everything except cleaning the bug carcasses and pubic hairs out of his guest rooms. Seriously, this place is such a filthy mess that Gordon won’t even sleep directly on the bed. He opts to cuddle up in his own sleeping bag on top of the spunk-encrusted bedspread, and there’s not a single British tushy to be seen. Boo!
However, it’s the second place, The Roosevelt Inn that really gets me worked up. It’s owned and run by a complete fucking lunatic, for starters, who makes his unwilling wife do most of the work while he runs around in costume like his life is a theatrical production. His hotel has issues in the form of dog stench, outdated décor, dust everywhere, terrible food, and a bed that looks like Dexter’s kill room, if Dexter was in the habit of jerking off onto his victims (which he isn’t, as far as I know). That’s not even what bothers me, though—all that shit is old news in this series. It’s the owner himself. He’s obnoxious and irritating and egomaniacal. He mocks Gordon’s accent, threatens to punch Gordon’s face, tells us flat out he has a history of physically violent behavior, flounces out every time someone suggests he’s wrong, and treats his wife like she’s hard-working furniture. He’s just abhorrent, and I don’t believe for a second that he made any sort of transformation. Fuck him. AT least we get some blurry ass in this one.
Anyway, if you want to see how this all plays out, join me later this week for the full recap. Meanwhile, catch up on last week’s episode here. Thanks for reading!