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Tonight on MasterChef, we had another mystery box challenge. Well, firstly…I guess there wasn’t a MasterChef last night because of Obama’s address? That caught me off guard a bit. Anyways, yeah, another mystery box, and this time, in the fuckin’ box are 3 gigantic scallops. So everyone tells us that Christian has a pretty massive advantage. We do all know that. However, I’m gonna spoil it for you guys and tell you that he doesn’t win, which is fuckin great. He’s acting like a bigger and bigger cockface every episode, so I’m pretty eager to be rid of him.
The winner of this challenge gets a pretty awful advantage. I kind of wish that Christian had won it just because it was the kind of advantage that would really suit his douchebaggery. The advantage is that for the elimination test, there are 9 different cuts of pig. The winner gets 9 name-tags to assign each competitor a different cut of meat. His strategy, as it should be, is to give the hardest cuts to work with to his fiercest competition. Unfortunately, his plan doesn’t work as well as we all wish it would. One of the people I’d really have loved to see go home got saved by a miraculously worse dish. Dammit. Right? Well, anyways, up next will be a team challenge, and I will tell you that you won’t want to miss it, because mutha fuckin’ Hooch is one of the captains.