MiniCap: Most Eligible Dallas

Raise your hand if you’re a douche.  Shocking!

Welcome back, party people!  This week in Dallas, our Most Eligible castmates make the rounds, getting drunk and causing drama in the name of charity.  Because nothing says philanthropy more than passing judgment and hogging the spotlight.

Ms. Leatherface (Tara) goes facebook official with her relationship status with Mr. AARP (Jody) after he threatens one of her ex-fiancees for being a bitter ass.  Apparently, Leatherface totally has daddy issues or an Oedipus complex, because the ex looks older than Mr. AARP.   Meanwhile, the Judgmental Express chugs along as The Shrew (Courtney) comments on her pattern to jump into exclusive relationships with men in adult diapers.

The sexual tension between The Shrew and Ken Doll (Matt) takes a back seat, this week to make room for some new sexual tension between Baldy McSixPack (Glenn) and Hot Mama (Neill).  They arrange a double blind date, setting the other one up with a random friend of theirs.  Baldy gets his girl drunk in the hopes of taking her to bed, while Hot Mama is saddled with the quintessential dumb jock/drunken frat boy.  In the end, Hot Mama develops a minor attraction to Baldy, choosing to blow off her date with Ken Doll to flirt with him instead.

But a bulk of this week’s hour was spent trying to make Dick Stick (Drew) less irritating, to varying degrees of success.  In addition to being a former fatty, he’s also a former alkie.  We learn that the illustrious Ginsberg family is something derisively called NEW MONEY in the high society circles they travel in, and after getting mega rich, his dad got himself a younger, surgically enhanced wife who wisely bore two children to ensure her own financial future.  However, his family appears to be very close and accepting of his big gay lifestyle which is equally awesome and surprising, considering we’re deep in the conservative south; and they give tons of money to charity, which is admirable even if it’s totally self serving.

Fresh off his EPIC FAIL with Dallas’ worst matchmaker for the gay community, he tries to rekindle his relationship with a surprisingly cute, twinky ex-boyfriend.  He brings this dude around to meet the group and his family, using him as arm candy at a benefit by the Design Industry for Fighting AIDS, where Dick Stick is being honored for all the money he’s given to AIDS charities in Dallas.  Again, commendable, but completely self-serving, as he throws a full on bitch fit when Courtney wrestles him for the spotlight at the dinner, wearing a haute couture curtain and vintage scrap metal jewelry.

In other news, Leatherface throws slumber party, complete with gay boys and a round of Stiff as a Board, Light as a Feather; Ken Doll’s grandmother is player, too; and Leatherface and The Shrew blow off some steam by firing a few rounds out of pink hand guns.  To be honest, this episode was a bore, but there’s promise for next week with a teaser of Ken Doll and The Shrew kissing!!!