Last week was Part One of the Real Housewives of New York trip to St. Barths. Everyone had a grrreat time, especially LuAnn. Who knew cheating, I mean, chatting with a group of old Italian friends could feel so goooooood?
This week’s episode opens with an un-party at the cougar den. Many people were invited, but only Lu’s friend, Cat, and Tomas, the Johnny Depp look-alike, show up. Ramona Grigio has been hearing some gossip about Lu and Tomas, so she plays a game of Cat and Mouse with the sexy, young French man.
Tomas is a professional playboy. So skilled, in fact, he suggests a seven-way. Ooh la la! Très magnifique!
Some of the ladies are getting drunk and dancing to win the “greasy prize” of Tomas. Sonja wins a romp! There was quite a commotion coming from the room, and we learn Sonja has been earning those bruises the buggery way.
Madam Palindrome and Reid are en route to St. Barths. Aviva has a playlist that helps her deal with her fear of flying in small planes with midget, clown wrestler pilots. She’s expecting a welcome party and red carpet when she arrives. I don’t think she’s seen this show.
Who put “Free Bird” on my playlist?
Sonja and Ramona are disappointed that Reid will be staying in the cougar den, so they check out possible alternate arrangements. Just in case they get called white trash or something.
When Aviva and Reid arrive at the villa, Sonja and Ramona happen to be topless in the pool. They thank Albatross for depositing his wife, but now he needs to kick rocks. This leads to some screaming back and forth until Aviva calls Sonja and Ramona white trash. Awww, that’s not nice. What about something a little nicer, like alcoholically whorelicious hookers?
But I just got here.
Aviva is expecting everyone to bow down to Albatross and drool all over him, thanking him profusely for bringing her to join them, but that isn’t going to happen. Unfortunately, Carole gets pulled into the drama and misses seeing her boyfriend’s rehearsal. Aviva then gives Carole an ultimatum that someone needs to go–the white trash or Albatross and the phobic. So what’s it going to be, Princess Carole?
Did I just finish bottle 7 or 8? Let’s see…1, 2, 4, 6, 18, 23, 7, 3, 2….
While getting ready for dinner, Sonja and Ramona plan to make things right by hugging Aviva, the same plan that worked with Kelly on Scary Island. Ramona and Sonja decide to change into matching dresses after seeing Heather’s glittery dress. Sparkle trashy babies!
Dinner is a wee bit uncomfortable. Sonja and Ramona are hurt by Aviva’s venom, while Aviva is pissed by their ungraciousness. The temps are starting to rise.