Things start off with Alexis shopping with her “assistant” Dylan. She has accepted Gretchen’s invite to visit her while she hawks her Beaute wares on community television in Texas. Turns out Alexis is looking for a pair of boots that are made for walking and later reveals her marital strife and misery in a drunken ramble (ok, not truly drunk, more like prom queen squealing I’m so drunk I’m not responsible for anything I do or say kind of drunk).
Vicki’s at the office threatening her staff with more sexual harassment by way of spankings if they don’t get their work done. Hey, whatever it takes to motivate right? I bet the staff have sales numbers through the roof with that kind of danger lurking.
Tamra has Simon arrested for throwing the dog or the dog leash or something like that at her and Jeana shows up to defend Simon and teach Tamra the basics of Doormat 101 (ok, is anyone looking out for the dog?) . It wasn’t the bitch slap moment that’s been teased, so I guess the big confrontation is still to come.
Tamra milks her moment in the spotlight and squeezes the abused ex angle for all it’s worth with poor dim Eddie, she is soooo stressed, she is fragile, she is scared, she is a victim, oh Eddie you’re so big and strong…blech. Tamra you’re waaaay too old to try and play the innocent ingénue.
Texas tramps are in the house when Alexis, Peggy and Fernanda (how’d she get in here) show up to visit Gretchen. Booze, BBQ and boobs are the on the menu and the ladies get hammered and nibble on a few bites of the mile-long meat buffet. Alexis interviews that she is a recovering anorexic/bulimic and excuses herself to go to vomit to the bathroom before she joins the ladies for lesbian dancing (God says it doesn’t count if you’re drunk) and awkward mechanical bull riding.
That’s the CliffsNotes, full recap coming soon…