Hey Y’all – it’s me, Alejandra! I’m your official RHOM recapper. Sorry I was a week late, but somebody paid for me to go to Greece, so I… went:-) But happy to be back and on this hilarious shitshow. Onto the minicap!
Ana: She’s dating a lawyer named Mark, who was the former US Attorney for Florida, but she’s still having trouble letting go of Robert. Even though he’s a douchebag party boy now who rides a motorcycle with his twinky girlfriend. She’s’ also texting the shit out of Rudolpho (or he’s texting the shit out of her, that remains unclear), so she and Karent aren’t on their way toward becoming non-violent co-humans.
Karent: She and Rudolpho get couple’s massage with rose petals, and Rudolpho falls asleep when Karent starts asking him about marriage. Awesome. Also, she gives people spa treatments while she’s fixing their teeth. Can’t stay mad at that, even though her smile is starting to make me want to vomit.
Lisa: She and her husband are having trouble conceiving (like, three years of trouble), so that sucks. She pals around with Adriana and hangs pictures of herself all over her husband’s office because she’s paranoid about how many other breasts he touches and ogles every day. I think it’s funny how the office staff clearly hates her.
Joanna: Things are apparently not good between her and Romain, and the presence of Joanna’s slightly less pretty and successful sister is visiting because “auditions and work” are slow for her. Roman is clearly a little peeved by this, so he shows her his penis in an effort to make her uncomfortable. He pretends like it wasn’t on purpose , but he’s smiling way too much. Then Joanna tells America that they don’t have much of a sex life. She’s an asshole. Especially later when she tries to push him into getting married.
Lea: Her husband is defending John Goodman, a “polo mogul” who’s charged with drinking, driving and killing. Lea claims that John’s a great guy, and that people just want to tear him down. Doubtful.
Adriana: Adriana starts a bunch of shit between Karent and Ana by stirring the Rudolpho texting plot and forcing a confrontation between the two at a party. She’s also super on the fence about her relationship with Frederic and whether or not she wants to get married to him. She doesn’t wear her engagement ring, so that’s not a great sign. She and Lisa head to a yacht show to check out ideas for how Adriana can decorate her new home. Lisa and I agree that the idea of living on a boat is ludicrous and that Adriana will be miserable after a week.
Marysol: She doesn’t do much this episode but get her office cleansed by Elsa. The “cleansing” consists of tossing rice around and spraying people in the face with perfume. Elsa Badger don’t care!
At the end, everyone ends up at the Biltmore, the bricks are laid for future bullshit. Lea “ignores” Lisa again, and Ana and Karent have a pretty ridiculous confrontation about Rudolpho’s shady texting habits and it looks like Karent’s in denial about the fact that she’s dating a Latin soap star. Cause THEY don’t like the ladies.