Minicap: RHOM

Recaps

By Alejandra | Friday, September 21, 2012 | 2:19 pm | 12 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of Miami, Recaps

Hey Y’all – it’s me, Alejandra!  I’m your official RHOM recapper.  Sorry I was a week late, but somebody paid for me to go to Greece, so I… went:-)  But happy to be back and on this hilarious shitshow.  Onto the minicap!

Ana: She’s dating a lawyer named Mark, who was the former US Attorney for Florida, but she’s still having trouble letting go of Robert.  Even though he’s a douchebag party boy now who rides a motorcycle with his twinky girlfriend.  She’s’ also texting the shit out of Rudolpho (or he’s texting the shit out of her, that remains unclear), so she and Karent aren’t on their way toward becoming non-violent co-humans.

Karent: She and Rudolpho get couple’s massage with rose petals, and Rudolpho falls asleep when Karent starts asking him about marriage.  Awesome.  Also, she gives people spa treatments while she’s fixing their teeth.  Can’t stay mad at that, even though her smile is starting to make me want to vomit.

Lisa:  She and her husband are having trouble conceiving (like, three years of trouble), so that sucks.  She pals around with Adriana and hangs pictures of herself all over her husband’s office because she’s paranoid about how many other breasts he touches and ogles every day.  I think it’s funny how the office staff clearly hates her. 

Joanna:  Things are apparently not good between her and Romain, and the presence of Joanna’s slightly less pretty and successful sister is visiting because “auditions and work” are slow for her.  Roman is clearly a little peeved by this, so he shows her his penis in an effort to make her uncomfortable.  He pretends like it wasn’t on purpose , but he’s smiling way too much.  Then Joanna tells America that they don’t have much of a sex life.  She’s an asshole.  Especially later when she tries to push him into getting married. 

Lea: Her husband is defending John Goodman, a “polo mogul” who’s charged with drinking, driving and killing.  Lea claims that John’s a great guy, and that people just want to tear him down.  Doubtful.  

Adriana:  Adriana starts a bunch of shit between Karent and Ana by stirring the Rudolpho texting plot and forcing a confrontation between the two at a party.  She’s also super on the fence about her relationship with Frederic and whether or not she wants to get married to him.  She doesn’t wear her engagement ring, so that’s not a great sign.  She and Lisa head to a yacht show to check out ideas for how Adriana can decorate her new home.  Lisa and I agree that the idea of living on a boat is ludicrous and that Adriana will be miserable after a week. 

Marysol:  She doesn’t do much this episode but get her office cleansed by Elsa.  The “cleansing” consists of tossing rice around and spraying people in the face with perfume.  Elsa Badger don’t care!

At the end, everyone ends up at the Biltmore, the bricks are laid for future bullshit.  Lea “ignores” Lisa again, and Ana and Karent have a pretty ridiculous confrontation about Rudolpho’s shady texting habits and it looks like Karent’s in denial about the fact that she’s dating a Latin soap star.  Cause THEY don’t like the ladies.

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About

Alejandra lives in Los Angeles and is an actor/writer/producer of opinions.  She loves the beach, but never goes, and hates reality stars, but follows them religiously.  In addition to TVGasm, you can read her writing at the online magazine DigN2It, or various fanfiction websites if you're industrious enough to find her.  If you're not industrious at all, a bottle of fine wine will always be an acceptable bribe.

12 Comments

  1. 1
    DagnyTaggart
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    Karent’s lips/teeth situation makes me think of a (much prettier version of) Fire Marshall Bill.

    Re the Dentist and the Soap Star – If a guy pretends to fall asleep – complete with fake snoring – when you try to have a talk about your relationship, he’s (all together now) just not that into you.

    I wonder if Lea’s husband’s angelic client has been dumped by the 42 year-old girlfriend whom he adopted in order to get her an equal share of his childrens’ trust fund now that he’s been sentenced to 16 years in prison. Or maybe she’ll stick by him through the appeal, just in case he gets off.

  2. 2
    fancyface
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    @Danny…My thoughts exactly on…well…everything you said! The fake sleeping with the obnoxiously fake snoring would’ve gotten his ass a kick to the gut if I was Karent. BTW..what the hell is up with the unnecessary T @ the end of her name? Is it a cultural thing? And FFS you are SPOT ON with the FMBill smile comparison! Even creepier when she’s using it to convince us how “fine” her relationship is with the Latin DoucheNozzle.

    And I’m pretty sure the daughter/whore of the ‘Polo Mogul’ will stick around while he’s still on house arrest & free to spend his money on her. She’ll probably bang his son when his appeal is denied.

  3. 3
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    @fancyface yes it is a cultural thing. Most people from that culture group go on Toddlers and Tiaras. But Karent’s too old.

    So she had to go on Real Housewives of Miami instead.

  4. 4
    cloudsinmycoffee
    Posted September 22, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    “my husband is representing someone who unfortunately had a terrible accident one night where someone was killed”

    WOW really Lisa??? One drink can fuck you up depending on the size of the drink and what was in it, and you’re forgiving because your hubby is making money off this guilty man. Wow. Great standards! Does anybody else agree that this chick smells like a money grubber who lucked out on marrying a dude who had cash?? Mm, ok. As you do.

  5. 5
    cloudsinmycoffee
    Posted September 22, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    Also, whoa did Mama Elsa’s face look worse (is that possible) in the scene with the chick with the blue outfit ?? Sorry, I haven’t learned these chicks’ names. Not sure if I will either LOL

  6. 6
    TV Junkie
    Posted September 22, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    From a promotion ad it seemed like BRAVO was trying to make Mama Elsa be the next Edith Flagg (..a great older lady with sound advice)….can’t see that happening AT ALL….there is no comparison betwwen the two.
    or is there that I missed???….

  7. 7
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted September 22, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    Wow. My friends and I had some very different views lol.

    Ana is pretty damn laid back and obviously telling the truth about Rodumbo.

    Joanna is a bit harsh but the girl tells it like it is.

    Lisa is adorably dippy and is very well aware of it…she’s got a good life and recognizes that.

    Karen…AGREE! She’s delusional and I want to kick her in her blindingly white crazy veneer chompers.

    The rest seem just as they were last season, although Adriana appears more mellow. Xanax?

  8. 8
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted September 22, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    Damn spell check…KARENT!

  9. 9
    TV Junkie
    Posted September 22, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    Also@Cloudsinmycoffee
    My family lives in Palm Beach County and that trial on the Polo player, John Goodman, he and his drunk driving, was the hot topic in the area..it was a horrific accident.. if my husband was the lawyer I wouldn’t be bragging..I would be horrified
    here is a link
    http://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/news/crime-law/7-million-bond-granted-for-john-goodmans-monitor-1/nN6Sz/..anyone who brags that thier husband was the lawyer,,is a total fool!
    Goodman is an awful creature who had no remorse

  10. 10
    TV Junkie
    Posted September 22, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    I really need to use my spell check..sorry all !!!!!!

  11. 11
    cloudsinmycoffee
    Posted September 22, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    @ TVJunkie

    It sounded horrible even from what her talking head stated! The way she downplayed it seemed soo suspicious, everyone said he had one drink, and how proud she was! Awfulness! Even one drink can cause a fatal car wreck, and sadly that ended a person’s life. Ugh. What a troll that woman is.
    I hope that man rots in a prison, because letting him free would be the equivalent of saying he could do it again.

  12. 12
    NewYawka
    Posted September 27, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    All I can say is these Shit-fest shows make me feel so much better about my life. And yes, Im still very afraid of Elsa.

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