Minicap: Teen Mom 2… Double the Trouble

Teen Mom 2, where the girls are twice as trashy, the babies are twice as cute, and the fights make me cringe twice as hard for everyone involved in this sick, sad world that is so far from MTV’s Daria days that it makes me sad for the olden days of hanging out in my friend Jason’s basement not getting pregnant and watching Daria, Speed Racer and Beavis and Butthead.  Which, I guess I still kinda watch, still not getting pregnant, but no longer in a 1970s carpeted basement.

And I quote, “One day, we’ll be goin’ to all our court dates,” said Jenelle, in a cuddle session with her dreamy, homeless boyfriend as the two young lovers dreamed about the day that they would finally be together, finally have Barb not trying to tear them apart.

The rest of these gals are pure prairie league compared to Jenelle’s sociopathic tendencies, shredded self-esteem, and mutually sadistic relationship with her mother.  Do I really need to type more here, or can we leave it to the RealCap?  Oh, you want to know about Leah?

Okay.  Well, Leah’s gone out to get herself a little job.  She’s stir-crazy being a housewife and taking care of the super cute babies and applying eye liner all day long.  She and Cory are still in their mobile (no judgment just comment) and it looks like MTV is setting up some editing to show us that Cory is a jealous husband.  No bueno.  He doesn’t want Leah working with a bunch of guys and he’s worried about her flirting.  Huh.  Maybe it’s the baby voice, the massive amount of blond bed hair, and the eyeliner, but Cory may have a point – not to condone jealousy, but he is older and he probably understands that a bored teenager is going to love being flirted with, regardless of how often her hot husband cries over how much he loves her.  To be fair though, Cory not trusting her is going to lead to her acting distrustfully; she’s a kid.  Testing boundaries is what they do.  And this is a girl who is not happy being at home all day with her babies; she likes a bit of challenge, she likes to take some risks like, oh, I dunno, getting knocked up in a pickup truck by a guy she met at a party earlier in the evening, CORY(‘don’t be a doucher’ of course is implied by the italics).   I wish they would go to therapy, but then the show would be borning.  Teen Healthy Relationship.  Whaaaaat??!  Click.  I’m tuning into Moonshiners on TLC.

Ya know who doesn’t cry?  Adam.  But Chelsea makes me want to cry.  I’m looking at my extensive notes and pretty much they read like this, for three segments: “Studying for GED, was distracted by Adam in the past. Studying for GED Adam calls, is distracting.  Sees Adam but should be studying for GED.”  My first ‘Gurl, please,’ goes to Chelsea.  Congrats, honey.  Even her friends won’t indulge her talking about Adam anymore.  You KNOW it’s bad if your friends shut you down.  I was recently told by my bff that she’s done listening to me about calories and losing four pounds or whatever.  Luckily, I’m pushing forty and understand what she’s saying, which is, “This is getting unhealthy and I won’t support you not enjoying what you have, which is great already.”  Chelsea does not understand, and gives lip service to ‘my brain says no but my heart says yes.’  And then when Adam calls, when he comes over, she lights up like Times Square and shows off all of her own unhealthy obsession over this guy.  And I do not get it.  He’s a Joe Dirt, and not that there’s anything wrong with those Dirty White Boys, but he just isn’t that earnest or sincere.

Kail’s hair looks great.  She has great hair and a squishy baby.  It’s weird that she and Jo kind of look alike to me, and it’s weird that they are working together civilly to make their custody arrangement work.  It’s actually kind of nice to watch Kailyn and Jo after Jenelle and Chelsea.  Kail is immature, but she’s fighting for it.  She says things that are a bit ahead of herself, like she tells Jo that she’s glad they’re able to work together on custody of Isaac, but she says it like a jerk.  Jo is ultimately a good kid, I think and he seems to understand that this is the best she can do right now so he’ll take it.  The both really love that kid, so much so that even Kail’s Extreme Baby Talk for Isaac doesn’t bug me that much.  She’s still seeing Jordan but hasn’t really brought it up much to Jo.  She makes it a big deal in her voice-overs, but so far I’m not sure where the dramz lie on that one.  Jo seems to be pretty cool with everything and totally aware that they aren’t gonna work out; then again, his parents were teen parents who made it work, so maybe he does have some long-term hope.

We shall see!  RealCap I hope to have for you by Friday, but I’m just getting back in the saddle here, and it may be a bit later!  In the meantime, party on in the comments, because Teen Mom 2 drops all the manners and really puts the ‘teen’ in the mom (that is NOT a twss said joke, you dirty birdies).  This season is sure to be filled with low self-esteem, trips to jail, love addiction, and some good old timey cheatin’ hearts.  And we will be loving every single minute of it, yeah?!  Eff yeah!