Minicap: The A-List: Dallas

Gays and alcohol.  What could possibly go wrong?

Howdy, Gasmii!  I haven’t forgotten you!  So sorry I couldn’t get a full recap out last week, but you can be sure this week’s will be super sized so we can dish about last week, too.

Wow, this week was overflowing with drama, wasn’t it? First, Chore decided that because “no one got killed” at his party at Brick, he’s going to Austin to host another party in his new party planning/promotion career.  I think you can raise the bar just a bit, Chore.  Because at most events no one gets killed, and yet they are not always rip-roaring successes.  Just saying.

Then we go to the starcrossed couple of the year.  No, not Kim and Kris – Levi and Zygote.  Levi shares with us that he just wants to get to the sex, that he doesn’t have a lot to talk about with Zygote (probably because Zygote uses words of more than one syllable), and that he finds political talk boring.  I wonder if this was how Kim’s 72 day marriage went?  Somehow I think it was the identical situation.

Phillip and Chase discuss their families.  Phillip talks about his super cool dad, whom we met last week.  Chase talks about his family’s rejection and says he’s let it go now, because when he got to a place where he wanted to take a bunch of pills and not wake up, he realized he had to change.  I’m not sure if he actually tried suicide or just seriously thought about it – either way, that must’ve been an awful time for him.  Props to Chase for getting out of that.

Now we go to Chase and Levi.  Chase says Zygote isn’t worthy of Levi.  Levi shares that he wants a man that’s a cross between Chase and Zygote – a guy he can be “f” buddies with and talk to.  Honey, we all want that!  And FYI it’s generally unobtainable.

Chore visits his mom at what looks like an enormous ranch.  Following in the tradition of Phillip’s dad, Chore’s mom says he is loved “no matter what”, and says “don’t follow in other footsteps, make your own”.  I want Chore’s mom and Phillip’s dad as my parents!

Chore also says that he would view any attack on his trust fund as an attack on his mother (because the money came through her side of the family).   I love Logo’s heavy-handed foreshadowing, don’t you?

Ashley, who should really shut up, talks with Chase and says she’s not happy about the Levi-Zygote-Chase issue.  And she’s going to take action.

At a party the group attends, Chase tells Levi he’s leading Zygote on, and Levi doesn’t like that.  Ashley (dressed like a demented ballerina) tells Zygote about Levi and Chase.  Why does everyone in this group get liquored up and then have all their serious convos?  Wrong time, wrong place and frankly Ashley, ST FU.

This leads to a confrontation between Zygote, a drunk Levi (I know, that’s redundant) and Chase.  Levi says he doesn’t want to date Zygote.  Zyg says they work better as friends.  Levi says no they don’t, they are better “f” buddies.  Zygote gets really upset and trash talks Inchwear, and Levi mocks Zyg.

Now Zygote and Phillip are talking.  Phillip shares that he would never date someone who sleeps around as much as Levi because he “doesn’t like the word chlamydia”.  I don’t mind the word, I sure don’t like the STD.

By this point, Zygote is crying.  Phillip then confronts Chase and Levi, who start kissing to drive him away.  BTW, Levi is (and has been throughout the party) sweating like a pig.  Ew.

We get to the next morning where Phillip and Zygote are talking smack about Chore.  Ashley and Chore show up, and Zygote shares that Chore “took a vodka bath”.  After some discussion, Phillip bursts out with “y’all are all whores”.  Now let’s stop right here and note that Phillip is the instigator of everything that is to follow.  Not. Chore.

Chore says Phillip started drama the prior evening, Phillip retorts by saying Chore is dramatic and crazy.  He then goes on to declare that Chore’s “life is consumed with bottles and partying”.  Phillip, you say that like it’s a bad thing.  And then he starts in on Chore’s trust fund.  Up until then, Chore hasn’t really been engaging that much.  At this point, I hear him say something about that remark insults his mother, and he throws his drink in Phillip’s face.  (If you’re keeping count, that’s the 3rd thrown drink in this series).  Phillip throws his drink (4th!) and then physically attacks Chore.  Phillip calls Chore crazy.  Ashley calls Chore crazy.  All of them are thrown out.

Ashley shares that when Chore drinks he’s like Jeckyll and Hyde, “whichever the bad one was”.  Let me guess – you were a literature major in college, right?  Outside, Ashley tells Chore he has a lot of issues.  Chore tells her he knows she thinks he’s the only one with problems.  He’s not who they think he is.  He didn’t punch Phillip back.  And then he cries.  Also, Phillip really (physically) hurt Chore’s neck.  Ashley says they need to get him help.

At this point Chore says he was beat up in junior high and high school, and never fought back.  He’s super upset, and walks away.  Ashley says she fears she will get a phone call one day saying Chore’s no longer alive.  O M G you freaking addicted to drama idiot.  I do not understand why Chore, who for weeks now has been the only sensible one on this show, is now being deemed to need “help”.  And not Phillip, Levi, Zygote or Chase.  Or Ashley herself, with her obvious multiple serious issues.  I totally do not believe for a second that she actually cares.  She just wants to manipulate the situation even more than she is already doing.

Much more in the full recap (including who should be on this show next year) in a couple of days.  Until then, practice your drink-throwing skills just in case you get called to be on the show, and check out last week’s minicap here.

To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter or like our Facebook page! You can post your favorite lines right back at us. Thanks for being here!

To follow my personal tweets, click here.