MiniCap: The Bachelorette

Last night was the moment of The Bachelorette we’d all been waiting for — the return of Bentley! It was, like everything else this season, fiercely anticlimactic. And it all went down in the first 20 minutes. Chris H. headed to the Bachelorette’s hotel room in Hong Kong… but not for the usual reasons. He was there with a slip of paper that said #4315, the room in which pure evil resided. So Ashley put on her tightest jeggings, her thickest false lashes and headed to the 43rd floor. She must have interrupted Bentley mid-jerk, because it took him awhile to get to the door.

Can someone remind what the appeal was, again?

Once inside, they made some pretty ridiculous small talk, considering that he’d just flown thousands of miles to see her and her heart was broken after knowing him for a few days. Bentley halfheartedly throws some BS Ashley’s way about her heartache meaning they were on the same page — which is more lies! Either Ashley’s getting smarter, or Bentley’s deal with the devil expired so and he’s not a good liar anymore, because she’s starting to smell the shit he’s shoveling. She tells him to man up and give her closure so she can move on. He shrugs and says maybe their stupid “dot-dot-dot” should be a period. Ashley walks out of room 4315 feeling disrespected “to the core.”

“Bentley,” she says, “if you’re watching this, fuck you; I’m done with you!”

Finally! She grows a pair. Too bad it’s so late and I’m sure Bentley just had a good laugh and moved on last night. Now that she’s freed from the caveman-browed albatross hanging from her neck, Ashley is ready to move forward with the other guys. She is, however, worried about telling them how she briefly went batshit crazy for a total lunatic. Of course she’s going to tell them… sigh. I guess it makes sense; they’d find out regardless. Still.

The first one-on-one date of the night goes to Lucas, the divorced guy from Texas with the round, lightly-follicled head of an infant. It’s a pretty uneventful date, because Ashley’s into “real world” type dates where they walk around shops and catch street shows. Fun to do, boring to watch. Later, they have dinner on a boat in the harbor and talk about how hard Lucas’s divorce was and Ashley gives him a rose and they agree it’s one of the most coma-inducing romantic nights evah.

For the group date, Ryan, Ames, Mickey, Constantine, Ben F. and Blake have to go through the streets of Hong Kong gathering enough Hong Kongians for a dragon boat race. Team Ames and Mickey a/k/a Team Hotness wins. Ryan and Blake a.k.a. Team Cray-Cray is a close second. Ben and Constantine b.k.a. Team Cheech-N-Chong is left behind like two sinners after the rapture. The post-activity cocktail party includes lots of Ryan-bashing, Ames awkwardly putting tha moves on Ashley in the elevator up to the roof, and a rose for Ryan.

JP gets the final one-on-one date and has to deal with Ashley asking stupid questions like “when was the last time you cried?” Later, Ashley tells him her true feelings for Bentley, that Bentley came to Hong Kong, and that she now has closure since Bentley essentially rejected her. JP thinks it’s uh-mazing that she opened up to him and what matters is that she told him about it. JP, of course, gets a rose.

The next night, the other boys aren’t so forgiving. After JP’s mild reaction to the news, Ashley decides to tell everyone in a fit of oversharing. Mickey feels particularly betrayed and hops on a boat to go home. Blake initially gives Ashley a hard time, but changes his tune when she starts to cry. Constantine is angry that she told him that she was over previous heartache when, in reality, she was nursing a heart-on for Bentley. And it slowly dawns on Ames that while he went to the Thai emergency room alone with a concussion, Ashley was secretly pining for Bentley. Well. That didn’t so good.

After more crying from Ashley and some smarming from Chris Harrison, it’s finally time to give out roses. Lucas, JP and Ryan already have them. The next one goes to Ben… then Constantine. The final rose comes down to either Ames or Blake. And Ashley gives it to Ames. Good call!

Blake leaves with mixed emotions: he felt a connection to Ashley but realizes it may have been in his head and it certainly wasn’t strong enough for her to fly him halfway around the world like she did with Bentley.

I can’t wait to hear what ya’ll think about Bentley’s lackluster return! And why wasn’t there a confessional from him? I wanted to know what was still going on in his head… See you in the comments and the full recap!