Minicap: The Dance Scene

Laurieann is directing the Keri Hilson “The Way You Love Me” music video.  The ever-humble Laurieann tells us the video is going to take “every inch of [her] gift and focus to really blow the industry’s mind.”  Wow … I have to watch this video and get my mind blown.  After my scientific investigation, I notice there’s a lot of skin and simulated masturbation, so of course it’s a hit.  Here comes Moon Man #2!

Wholesome family viewing!

Sarah tells us the Knick City Dancers want her to come back and guest choreograph a number for them, but she has to ask Boss Lady for a week off before she can say yes.  Laurieann comes in, scratches her weave and I skeeve out because I hate seeing her hair and scalp move at the same time.  Laurieann generously gives her permission to her #3 to take a few days off.  Yay!  Poor lonely Sarah gets to escape to NYC and some old flame named … wait for it … “Paul”.  K-cup and Paulandroid tease her about her unfortunately-named friend with benefits, so in response she sits on their faces.

I miss NYC but I get to sit on faces in LA!

Laurieann is choreographing a song with her L-Team for Missy Modell, an unsigned artist who could be the next Gaga, according to Diddy Bitch.  This is ANOTHER PERFECT OPPORTUNITY to yell at K-cup about her robotic white-girl dancing.  Sarah used to dance that way, too, but Laurieann beat it out of her.  K-cup is two inches from stomping out in her Doc Martens (déjà vu, anyone?) but at the last second dries her tears, wipes her snot on her Flashdance shirt and returns to the floor.

Sarah is quite happy to be back in NYC with the Knicks dancers.  The director interrupts her choreography session to invite Sarah to dance the routine with the other dancers.  The editors show her screwing up a lot but even with the mistakes, she’s better than K-cup on her best day.

Speaking of Cryington, she whines to Paulandroid about why Laurieann hates her.  Why are you a masochist, Cryington?  If she really HATES you, go back to the OC and live in the Disneyland castle.

No, she really likes you, REALLY!

Laurieann’s video was leaked by “Polow da Don”, the video’s producer (his real name is Polow-Freache Jamal Fincher-Jones, so I guess his professional name is a step up), and there’s been negative backlash in the black press.  What do YOU do when someone disses your masterpiece on the internet?  Call Perez Hilton, of course.  Laurieann’s pet name for Mr. Pink is “P-Nasty”, which I find oddly appropriate.  She and P-Nasty decide he should interview Keri to get her response to the Ebony editor’s bimbo comments.

Sarah meets up with Old Paul at some NYC restaurant where they eat something that looks suspiciously like charbroiled sea snails and kelp, while they lightheartedly discuss Sarah’s poor life choices.  Perhaps that slimy food is an aphrodisiac?  I take back what I said about Old Paul being cute.  He looks too much like Pat Monahan (better-looking than Old Man Monahan, though, of course) to be on Sarah’s radar.

Old Paul is me … only slightly better.

Back in LA, Laurieann and her dominatrix red leather boots are ready to “defend Keri” in an interview with the editor of YRB magazine, who claims all of his magazine’s readers (all five of them) LOVED Keri’s video.

P-Nasty interviews Keri and she intelligently defends her actions by saying she doesn’t have to defend herself.  It’s a circuitous argument but a good point.  She has learned a lot about verbal mind tricks from her director-choreographer extraordinaire.

If you don’t need a Brazilian for your video, then it’s not high art.

Sarah has a great time performing with the Knicks City Dancers and doesn’t want to leave NYC and Old Paul.  I can’t BELIEVE I felt bad for this girl when New Paul dumped her!  She obviously has a few back-up plans.

Decisions, Decisions

Sarah arrives back in L.A. just in time to attend the Boom Kack wrap party for the Keri Hilson video.  The team has a dance battle out on the floor and bonds over liquor, but only after we get the required one-per-episode lecture from Laurieann to Kherington.  It’s like Choreographer Boot Camp:  Drill Sergeant Laurieann has to completely demoralize and tear down Recruit K-Cup, but only because she’s a sadist to make K-cup a better dancer.  See you for the full recap with weave-scratch breakdown!!