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Shout out to Amber for recommending “Do Me Like That”, a JoJo song I would love to use in my Zumba class but cannot find on iTunes. I guess it used to be available but has been removed … why? Does a young white female R&B crooner from Massachusetts offend Microsoft in some way? Speaking of offensive, what’s Diddy Bitch doing this week?
Joanna Levesque … not hot enough for iTunes but good enough for Diddy Bitch
Yawn … Laurieann’s trying to shove another “about-to-be-super-act” down our throats. This time, it’s the British Benneton ad known as Six-D, a hastily put together group of adolescent Londoners who were street dancers first and singers second. I’m sure they’re the awesomest thing ever.
Best Teeth in Britain!
She’s rehearsing at Boom Shakalaka Studio with the Cockney Crowd, and simultaneously trying to hook K-cup up with one of the group members, Kieran. Is it already time to make Kherington sad again? Good thing Kieran’s name isn’t Paul, or Sarah would already be screwing him.
On second thought, Sarah may make a not-named-Paul exception for Kieran
Better make sure you’re near some vomit receptacle, Gasmii, because next we get to watch PLR, Paulandroid and Cryington get bikini waxes. It’s indescribably gross, especially when the waxer has to get all up in Cryington’s ass to get some stray hairs.
Perhaps Kieran’s Brazilian inspired K-cup to do the same
PLR and Paulandroid remain in the waxing room while Cryington’s brown eye gets a shave. Is this how it’s going to be every week … Team Triple Co-dependency evolving into Jersey Shore hos? Sarah sneaks out to meet Ex-Paul the Younger for coffee because he’s back in town from “working” in Europe … she DID just get a bikini wax. On their date, she cries, he sits there uncomfortably and they discuss the fact that they’re both going to the Burlesque premiere alone.
Laurieann makes her British “supergroup” members get superhero makeovers, which involves dyeing their hair red and using sculpting gel to make them look like dinosaurs. She takes them through another rehearsal in preparation for filming their first music video. During rehearsal she tries to teach them about presence on camera and looking straight into the lens as if they’re psycho killers.
Dead Eyes Like This, Okay?
Sarah gets ready for the premiere while Laurieann pimps out Lacee and K-cup and her precious Escalade to Kieran and another kid in Six-D. They go to the beach on their group date and act like normal young people. No evidence that K-cup showed Kieran her Brazilian wax.
Sarah walks the red carpet for the Burlesque premiere. Her hair, makeup and outfit look great but Sarah ruins the façade by searching desperately for Paul the whole night – who wisely did not show his face. Paul gives new meaning to playing hard to get, and by new meaning, I’m saying he’s exhibiting signs that he’s found another slot to fill.
I don’t understand … I’ve always been able to count on Paul.
The next morning at The Roommates’ Castle, Sarah complains to Robot Girl about Paul’s absence from the premiere. Paulandroid suggests that PLR “switch to lesbianism”. Can’t get enough of that pillow from last week, Robot Girl? Sniff, sniff!
At the Six-D video shoot, when Laurieann makes K-cup her coffee gopher. K-cup cheerfully tells us “at least I’m not pushing play!” Bwahahaha! Kherington, I totally respect your self-awareness. Know your role! Kieran comes over to help her with the coffee and flirt with her.
I can help you with that coffee …. and a few other things
Laurieann hates the video director’s lack of vision and the fact that, unlike her, he has actual experience directing videos and even hip-hop “films”. She’s on set to make sure the Six-D kids are accurately representing the record label themselves, which totally explains why she lets “Rage”, the director, order Kieran to physically jump from one building roof to another instead of just using camera tricks to make it appear that he jumped. The only coherent part of the video is their group dance, so I think the rooftop solo shots and extraneous building jump were Rage’s passive-aggressive retaliatory moves against Laurieann’s superior attitude. I would definitely take chances with some British kids’ lives if it would piss off Laurieann.
Dale “Rage” Resteghini: Totally Okay with Using Kids as Pawns
Post-video shoot, Kieran comes over to The Castle to say goodbye to K-cup and it’s ALMOST as awkward as the producers wanted it to be. No white-on-white kiss, though … but at least Cryington is smiling instead of sobbing for once.
Next week …. SOMETHING ACTUALLY HAPPENS!!! Ex-Paul the Younger joins Team Boom Kack and sends Sarah over the edge. Laurieann is determined to get Missy Modell a record deal but the industry execs insist that Missy sucks.