MiniCap: The Newsroom

They said this was supposed to be a BETTER gig than The Daily Show. They lied.

Welcome back for the season finale of Has Aaron Sorkin Always Sucked This Bad? I mean The Newsroom and, oh LANDY, did he save the “best” for last.

First, Will gets rushed to the hospital for being so far up his own ass he needs his head to be surgically removed from his rectum. Or something like that. I can’t remember exactly. But I do remember Mackenzie trying to kill him by smothering him with a pillow and knocking his IV out. I think. Whatever, she squawks, she squeaks, she makes the rest of the audience wish we were on a morphine drip so she could smother us with pillows just to get sweet release from her awfulness.

Meanwhile, Charlie tells Solomon they’re not running his NSA story because he’s a crazy, dirty stalker who likes hookers, but no, for real, if he gives them the TMI hacking story immediately, they totes promise that at some point in the future they will definitely follow up on the NSA just as soon as someone who isn’t a crazy, dirty stalker who likes hookers feeds it to them. Solomon does not take it well.

Neal keeps making me question why he got a work permit while Lonny’s ready to move on to a new gig. Neither issue will be resolved by the end of the episode. Then Maggie and Jim act like assholes, but Maggie and Jim are assholes so that’s not a development, just an observation.

Then, THEN, Sloan goes and admits to Don that she has a crush on him and I get hopeful until Don responds in the most ridiculously, stupefyingly, moronic way possible and I lose another person I liked on the show. Leaving me with just Lisa, Sloan, Lettie Mae and Chris Matthews’ kid, with the latter two only making that list because they’re basically extras. I’m sure if they were given more than one sentence per week I’d want to punch them, too.

So this week’s deus ex machina comes from a nurse who hands them Dorothy Cooper and the Tennessee voter ID law that Maddow’s been covering pretty consistently for the past year, while Nina Howard conveniently becomes a “good” woman and gives Mackenzie all the ammunition they need to get rid of the “Leona wants to fire Will” in the most idiotic way possible.

All that’s left is some outright contempt for the average American woman via bus tour, Sorkin to find a new source to plagiarize, the return of “sorority girl,” Will to blame all his problems from the last year on her instead of his own dickbaggery and enough schmaltz to give us all indigestion until the season 2 premiere. Cannot. Wait.

Full recap in a few days. Until then, you can catch up on the last recap here.

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