MiniCap: The Voice – The Results Show

It seems like only yesterday that we were listening to the final eight contestants sing on “The Voice.”

Oh wait, it was.

I’m experiencing some déjà vu here.

To help maintain interest, “The Voice” aired their results show only one day after the semi-finals. And here’s how it went down:

The judge’s scores were revealed, then combined with America’s votes to announce the winner. First up was Cee Lo, who tried to distract us from the fact he was about to play favorites by talking about our troops. Then he read us an original poem. But he couldn’t procrastinate much longer, as Carson directed the viewer’s attention to the scores.

Out of 100 points, Cee Lo gave Nakia a 51 and Vicci a 49. Why did Nakia score higher? Because he couldn’t hear Vicci’s voice over the drums – too bad he didn’t tell her that yesterday. But when America’s votes were counted, Vicci won by a whopping 124-76.

Adam wasn’t so kind – he gave Casey only 35 points out of 100, while Javier got 65. Admitting he did it to fix the results, Adam’s reasoning was 18-year-old Casey had her whole life ahead of her, while this may be Javier’s last chance. Well, plus he hated Casey – and he wasn’t afraid to show it. In the end, Javier won by a landslide, 138-62.

Blake, the hero of our story, not only took his two girls on a private jet to Cincinnati to meet Brad Paisley and perform with him in a concert, but he split their votes 50-50. You can’t put a number on love, says Blake (sure you can: It’s 18 – and considering little Xenia is only 16, you should pay more attention, young man)! It’s up to America to vote, who chose Dia in a close race: 106-94.

Christina is a total copycat. Not only has she combined her two hairstyles from the previous two episodes, but she also splits up her votes between Beverly and Frenchie evenly. And in yet another close race, Bev wins 107-93. But Frenchie didn’t leave empty-handed – Christina left her with a bright red lipstick stain on her cheek. I’m sure Frenchie will never wash the right side of her face again.

Oh and Cee Lo performed “Bright Lights Bigger City.” I think he has asthma, because he seemed to have a hard time breathing. He really should get that checked out.

We’re going to wheeze on down, wheeze on down the road…

Next week, Carson promises original songs and duets with the contestants and coaches. And if it weren’t his birthday, I’d find something to make fun of here. Happy Birthday, Carson. Enjoy my gift of letting you off the hook – it only comes once a year…