Minicap: The Voice

By TheNooch | Tuesday, March 27, 2012 | 12:30 pm | 5 Comments

THE FINAL BATTLES!!

Just once, for one of these battles, I wish someone would pull out a sword and charge.

James Massone vs. WADE

Or The High School Jock from every 90’s movie ever vs. WADE. Blake loves that James is wearing his own merch, which is musician-speak for another way to rip the audience off. All the other musicians in the big chairs agree and Cee-Lo sees the potential moneymaker standing in front of him.

James sells out wins!

Mathai vs. Nicole Gaylon

Nicole is STRUGGLING! It’s a good thing she has such a pretty face. Mathai clearly wins this. By a lot. Adam hates everyone, but he hates Mathai a little less.

Moses vs. The Line

They partnered up all the bizzaro-name people in this episode. Moses? Did you take your people to the promised land? I don’t think so!! Even a funky kid like Moses can work out the amount of white that resides in The Line. They are the whitest! Christina doesn’t relate to the stiff white folks so she gets down with Moses!

Carla Davis vs. Orlando Napier

Nap time! I swear this is the recording they used in my preschool to cue up crackers and nap time. They are both equally sleepytime but Carla wins a spot on Team Adam because she has tits.

Jordan Rager vs. Naia Kete

First of all, anytime you do a song with a rasta beat, the person with the dreads automatically wins. And Blake knows this rule, so Naia wins.

Tony Vincent vs. Justin Hopkins

Who knew Powder had such a good voice? Actually, Tony looks more like a young Voldemort, especially when he sees Harry potter. You know how Cee-Lo likes his weird-looking folks, so Voldemort takes it!

Stay tuned for the full recap!!

Comments (5)
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About TheNooch

The nooch is 5 foot 3. She hates sushi and once she watched a movie on Lifetime from start to finish without making a sarcastic comment. Once. That's all.

Listen to her talk on her podcast here: www.megaboomradio.com

5 Comments

1

DejaJohnson

Posted March 27, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Someone was really pissed they got sent home.
2

featherhead

Posted March 27, 2012 at 6:00 pm

Absolutely, someone was a very sore loser. Again I picked the opposite of the judges. Guess that’s why I ‘m on the couch and they have platinum records.
3

ms. g

Posted March 27, 2012 at 6:00 pm

OMG yes that girl from The Line was P.O. ed. But she had a case of perma bitchface. Jewel’s face said it all when they were singing in rehearsal.
4

itchy

Posted March 28, 2012 at 12:15 am

One thing the Voice has given us: A rap version of Satisfaction.

Still, I’m a bit disappointed they didn’t go with the classical Devo arrangement of this song, as I feel that would have better suited the LiNE’s animatronic technology.
5

Finnegan

Posted March 28, 2012 at 8:06 am

the chick from the line had every right to be upset. moses a) can’t sing, and b)is going to rap during every song. he is a one trick pony. at least the line can sing a little bit.

yet i couldn’t help thinking that the line was stupid for going with christina in the first place. you’re a country duo, and the country guy wanted you. then again, seeing as how blake pretty much handed that last “battle” to the street performer, who knows.

as for mathai, i find her voice to be annoying, same with that kid from boston who sounds like a whiny 15 year old trying to impress a girl. wade won that imo.

it was a shame that someone had to lose that last one, b/c both of those guys are better than at least 3/4 of the other remaining contestants.