MiniCap: The Voice

The Voice

By TheCzar | Wednesday, May 25, 2011 | 10:00 am | 13 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: MiniCaps, Recaps, The Voice

Well, we’re only in week five and “The Voice” has gone from exciting to boring to practically unbearable. It’s so sad to read your comments and notice how many viewers have completely turned on this show – and we still have one more battle round to go!

So to make this episode more bearable, I’ve analyzed the show and developed a drinking game for all to play along. Any time you hear even a slight variation of one of these comments, drink:

  • I just love you!
  • This is such a tough decision!
  • I’ve been waiting my whole life for this!
  • (Name of contestant), you did such a great job/I love you/something along that line, but I choose (name of other contestant).

Got any more? Feel free to add them to the comment section and we’ll all play along. Let’s get started:

drink 5.24.11
Ready? Set? DRINK!

Christina pairs Julia and Raquel to sing Rihanna’s “Only Girl in the World,” and it’s a toss-up because they both have all the young, fresh energy of a Dove commercial. Christina is really excited, stating, “I just love you guys” (DRINK), well before they even get started. The rehearsal goes well and both singers get good feedback from the coaches. Julia really, really wants it because she’s been waiting her whole life for this! (DRINK) But during the battle round, Julia is no match for triple threat Raquel. During the moment of truth, Christina pays homage to them both:

Christina: I just love you guys! (DRINK) This is such a tough decision! (DRINK) Julia, I love you, but I’m gonna go with Raquel. (DRINK)

Next, Blake pairs Dia with Serabee. This is Blake Shelton, so put your beer mugs down – there’s not gonna be a lot of love in this portion. They’re going to sing “You Can’t Hurry Love” by the Supremes. And, um, the whole thing is horrible, from start to finish. Dia is a sweet, meek folk singer who may not be able to match Serabee’s powerhouse energy. Serabee is a Gospel singer, but will she be able to hold back and not overdo it per Blake’s request? Probably not. According to Serabee, “I’ve been waiting my whole life for this” (DRINK), so she’s about to pull out all the punches.

The duet is just uncomfortable to watch. Both singers look like they don’t want to be there. And each has very different vocal qualities that are never harmonized – not to mention Dia needs to work on her dancing skills. The judges look horrified, Reba looks embarrassed and Blake looks PISSSSED. Blake feels this is a tough decision, but for all the wrong reasons. (DRINK?) Unfortunately, there’s no, “I love you both, but…” (I know I’m stretching, but I’m just giving you reason to DRINK), so Blake begrudgingly chooses Dia – assumedly because she was the less annoying contestant.

Adam must really love drinking games, cuz right off the bat he states, “I think you’re all incredible singers (DRINK), but for this battle I’ve chosen Rebecca and Devon.” They’re singing “Creep” by Radiohead. Rebecca is so excited to be working with Devon because she loves loves loves him! (DRINK) We don’t get to see much of the rehearsal, probably because Rebecca is too busy talking about just how much she LOVES this song! (DRINK) She loves it! (DRINK) She just loves it so much! (DRINK)

Even though Devon isn’t familiar with the song, he catches up and they perform a nice duet. The problem is they do such a good job that Blake, Cee Lo and Adam all feel this is too tough of a decision to make! (DRINK/ DRINK/ DRINK) But even though Rebecca did a great job, Adam chooses Devon in the end. (DRINK)

Cee Lo pits the sister act, Tori and Taylor, against Kelsey. Tori and Taylor are soooo excited because they just love Kelsey! (DRINK) They spend about five minutes babbling on about how much they love Kelsey (DRINK ACCORDINGLY), so you should be nice and toasty by now. Kelsey says, rather tentatively, “Um, I just love them, but I’m bringing out the boxing gloves.” (DRINK – but just a little bit.)

Cee Lo ain’t messing around with this one. After we listen to the sisters’ voices crack during rehearsal, he provides them with some choreography to make Natasha Bedingfield’s “Unwritten” a little more bearable.

The sisters pray before the performance. This is so important for them, they say, because the rest of their lives depend on this moment – which I interpret to mean: We’ve been waiting our whole lives for this! (DRINK) So they sing their little song and do their little dance, which apparently wowed the judges. The judges and I have very different taste. Here’s what went down:

Adam: You’re just too cute; I can’t pick! (DRINK)
Christina: Kelsey, you did a better job, but this round I pick Tori and Taylor. (DRINK)
Cee Lo: Well, the sisters are very charming, but tonight (dramatic pause), I choose the Thompson Sisters. (DRINK – In disbelief!!!)
Blake: I think you all suck. I quit!

Blake’s my hero. I want to go drinking with him. Sorry for such a long minicap, but I need to keep myself entertained at this point. If you’ve actually been playing along, please be responsible. Don’t drink and drive your foot into your television screen during this show.

About

I'm new. Full bio coming soon. But in the meantime, let the hazing begin!

13 Comments

  1. 1
    PopStahh
    Posted May 25, 2011 at 10:14 am

    I had such high hopes for this show, but the battle rounds totally slow the energy down and are unnecessary. Back to counting down to Big Brother….

  2. 2
    Moli Moli
    Posted May 25, 2011 at 10:20 am

    What the hell happened??????? I loved this show and well switched to Teen Mom…..TEEN MOM for goodness sakes. That Dia duet…..djashdjashdjndkl!

  3. 3
    sanen85
    Posted May 25, 2011 at 10:33 am

    I think these rounds would be a hell of a lot more interesting if they were to make the singers “battle” with people from other teams and have the two judges without a dog in the fight make the decision.

  4. 4
    dazzyfresh
    Posted May 25, 2011 at 11:19 am

    My brain circuits melted…loved the cap, but probably shouldnt have drank to reading this…*buuuuuuuuuurp*

  5. 5
    itchy
    Posted May 25, 2011 at 11:35 am

    I like Sanen85′s idea. Her photo too [gosh][giggle][gee golly]. I give the show credit for surprising me, because they often pick the singer I can’t believe was ever even allowed to sing in the shower.

    I also appreciate the fact that they go out of their teaming up one of their ultra-tiny singers with a giant. Especially when that Serabee (stupidest name ever) came out in that weird outfit that made her look even shorter than she is. I believe that’s called ‘foreshortening’ in the fashion biz, right?

    Anyway, the Voice can rest comfortably knowing that there’s no way they can suck as badly as American Idol this year. Well, one can only hope.

  6. 6
    NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted May 25, 2011 at 11:51 am

    Yeah, but the Voice could still totally get canceled. Whereas AI wouldn’t get canceled even if Steven Tyler whipped out his penis, wet it, stuck the end of it in Scotty’s ear, and yelled “WET WILLY!!! LIVE IN YOUR LIVING ROOM, FOLKS!!!!!!”

  7. 7
    ChaCha
    Posted May 25, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    I really like sanen85′s idea too. Let’s hope the producers read these comments and take a hint from her. I would start watching the show again if they did. Loved it at first, but now it’s just dead in the water for me.

  8. 8
    Lizbot
    Posted May 25, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    Seriously, it’s shocking how quickly this show has gone down the tubes. Is it just me, or were almost all of the acts off key last night? And the Thompson Twins? WTF Ceelo? I mean I wasn’t a fan of the other chick, but she was definitely a better singer and a more mature performer than they were. The only explanation I have for it is that Ceelo went the cynical route, realizing that cute, young, and peppy will likely get more votes for his team than “don’t hate me because I’m beautiful”.

    Your drinking game did make the recap more fun though! Seriously, the judges comments are almost as predictable as Randy J’s “dawgs” and “check it outs”. Just careful you don’t overdose yourself on alcohol watching this show!

  9. 9
    ohhhyeah
    Posted May 25, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    What would prevent the judges from just keeping the worst singer to create less competition for their own team?

  10. 10
    jayem
    Posted May 25, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    I just wish it didn’t take a whole hour to show 4 two minute performances. All that other crap is so frickin’ monotonous. Why waste 20 minutes re-showing us their blind auditions?? I already saw that. I’m not senile. Stop replaying it.

    Also, I am PISSED that Rebecca went home. I LOVE her (DRINK!). I actually downloaded her “Come As You Are” and I thought she did a much better job on the song. I am not too stoked on this battle thing. Why are the teams battling themselves instead of each other? The judges should pick the matchups of contestants, they should sing separately, and the viewers should pick the winner. Then on and so forth until there is one left standing. I’ll probably keep watching to see the performances, but the premise is confusing and weird. I don’t know if it would last another season, unless they got 4 new judges. (And way too bad they blew their load letting Reba assist Blake instead of caoching herself! I like her way better than everyone else.)

    PS – What are the judges jobs once America starts voting??

  11. 11
    mere2142
    Posted May 26, 2011 at 8:55 am

    I agree…this show started off so well but they have lost me with these stupid, drawn out battle rounds. They should have compressed them into two weeks instead of 4. And I like the idea of having them battle members of the other teams. It would be more interesting that way.

    Serabee…I kept waiting for them to flash her name on the screen. I kept thinking they were saying Sara B. because I couldn’t imagine anyone having such a dumb name. I was wrong.

  12. 12
    Enrique's Mole
    Posted May 26, 2011 at 9:22 am

    I’m sticking with it despite the crap battles, but they’re not making it easy. Ugh, this was the worst episode yet. I was flabbergasted that Adam chose Howdy Doody over Rebecca. And, seriously Ceelo…the Thompson Twins? Kee rist, Howler monkeys make better music FFS.

  13. 13
    cosmonala
    Posted May 26, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    Here’s hoping the show recharges once it gets to live performances. 4 weeks for the battle rounds is a bit much, and I agree with you guys that the coaches seem to pick the singer who sounds the weakest. Wonder what, if any, strategy is involved.

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