MiniCap: The Voice

It’s the semi-finals and there’s been some changes, people.

The two people in this picture appear identical, but they aren’t. Can you spot the differences? (Hint: There is one difference.)

First, Christina has graduated from a braid to a bun. A pink, crimped bun. Yes, it looks how I imagine Gwen Stefani’s hair looks when she rolls out of bed in the morning. And where did they find a crimper in 2011? As you’ll discover, Christina seems to be stuck in the 80s tonight. But at least her tits are covered.

Second, the voting has completely changed this round. Rather than having all week to vote, you have until 10:00 am EASTERN TIME on Wednesday to cast your votes. So by the time you read this, it’ll be too late. Hey, you snooze, you lose.

Third, your votes really don’t count anyway. Well, ok, they do to an extent – they’re equally weighed with the judges’ scores, which they secretly place at the end of the episode.

Finally, where’s the V-Room? Oh, here it is… a whole hour into the show! Allison is getting less and less screen time – maybe it’s because she’s screaming so quickly into the camera it’s almost impossible to process what she’s saying, or maybe it’s because she continues to correct the contestants on their answers to her questions. Regardless, the show doesn’t seem to have much time for poor Allison, who continues to throw herself in front of the camera no matter where it pans in the V-Room to prove she’s not washed up yet. Some people just can’t let go…

The show opens with the results from last week’s live performance round. Since the entire series has been so predictable, I actually wrote down the results before I watched the show, and I have to say I was spot on. Here are the winners:

Team Cee Lo:
America chose: Vicci Martinez
Cee Lo saved: Nakia

Team Adam:
America chose: Javier Colon
Adam saved: Jeff Jenkins Casey Weston

Ahem. See? I got them all right. Somebody owes me 10 bucks. Then we get to the nitty-gritty, where our eight finalists perform their hearts out. They all do a decent job and most of them play their own instruments, which is impressive. The judges have nothing but nice things to say throughout – well, except for when Adam calls Casey stubborn and pretty much reveals that they didn’t get along at all during the rehearsal process. That poor girl just can’t catch a break.

As for the individual performances, you’ll have to wait for the full recap. But I can tell you there’s a performance by Maroon 5 of their new hit, “Moves Like Jagger” (which is good for Maroon 5, considering they’ve all been sittin’ around waiting for Adam to finish this gig). I can also tell you that Adam Levine literally moves like Mick Jagger. Oh, and I would also like to inform you that Mr. Levine looks very hot in a designer suit.

Oh, and Christina joins him at the end, which completely ruins the mood.

Blake Shelton also performs his super-mega hit, “Honey Bee.” And let me tell you there is nothing more ridiculous than watching a 6’4” giant of a man with a deep voice singing the lyrics: “You be my honey suckle, I’ll be your honey bee.”

But don’t worry, Blake, you weren’t the weirdest portion of the show. That honor goes to Christina Aguilera, who spent most of the episode inserting her foot into her mouth. The winning moment? When Christina tried to compliment (?) Dia by saying she would make an interesting gay man. The joke went so wrong that the cameras panned away instantly and everyone, including the other judges, completely ignored her and changed the subject. It ended very abruptly, just as I’m about to end this mini-reca…