MiniCap: The X Factor

So which one of these a-holes went home last night?

YOU GUYS. If you missed last night’s elimination show, I highly recommend digging it up online and watching it – or at least the final ten minutes or so. Such ‘tude was being thrown out by both of the above contestants that I feared Steve Jones was gonna have to find a paddle and start whuppin’ some major buttage.

The extraordinary temper tantrum that Astro threw should be enough to convince the judges that their age range most definitely strays far too low…children – CHILDREN!!! – who haven’t had time to mature into young adults should not be exposed to the kind of blind ambition and fan adoration that The X Factor showers upon them – it warps their innocent souls into twisted lumps of smoldering, worthless dung.

But more on the state of youth in America in the full recap! Because I have definitely reached an age where I have the right to stand up on my soapbox and glare down at the multitude of kiddies who won’t just stay on their own goddamn lawns. Yes, at 34 years of age, I am headed straight for Crotchety Old Lady-land.

Last night’s episode saw Paula giddy with relief that her last group was safe, and therefore she wasn’t in danger of losing her rather tenuous hold on any remaining validity she has on this silly show. We also got an eyeful of guest performer Rihanna doing some big dance number that vaguely reminded me of a horrific modern-day version of West Side Story.

And of course, we got confirmation that all is right in the world when Stacy Francis FINALLY got the boot, roughly four weeks past her clearly labeled expiration date.

…but (also) of course, we got to see a bit of all that is WRONG with this world when one of the strongest competitors on the show, Astro, somehow ended up in the bottom two. And then we ventured down the rabbit hole of EVEN MORE WRONG when little Astro showed us his true colors by basically throwing all of his toys onto the floor and screaming, ‘ME NO PWAY NO MORE!!’

Sorry to be a bit rambling, but my mind simply cannot stop orbiting that sad display of immaturity…it’s like Astro’s temper tantrum has a gravitational pull on my brain. It’s even made me stop thinking about Stacy Francis’ moody bitching and angry clown face.

Okay, Gasmii, please come back in a couple of days for the full recap!! In the meantime, you can check out my last X Factor recap here, or read IceQueen’s minicap of Wednesday’s performance episode here.

To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter or like our Facebook page! You can post your favorite lines right back at us. Thanks for being here!