MiniCap: The X Factor

X Factor

By Mrs. Snarklesbee | Friday, December 2, 2011 | 10:18 am | 13 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: MiniCaps, Recaps, X Factor

back off beeatch 12111GET YOUR FILTHY PAWS OFF ME, YOU COLD-HEARTED BITCH!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Oh Gasmii – how am I supposed to keep watching this P.O.S. show when last night’s elimination episode took away nearly every reason I had for enjoying it? Ugh!!

Two contestants who should’ve breezed through to the finals have been sent packing with their tails between their legs, and a few completely unworthy peeps are that much closer to claiming that five million dollar recording contract which will result in an over-produced, shitty light-pop album that millions of pre-teens and grandmas will buy before realizing they are listening to Utter Crap.

With Drew and Astro gone, I have come to the conclusion that my husband was right all along, that the producers have been carefully engineering this show to ensure that Melanie Amaro wins – the contestant with the strongest technical voice who will be the easiest to mold into whatever pop star shape they want. And I find that infuriating. Not to mention BORING.

My sole remaining hope is Josh Krajcik – I don’t think there’s a snowball’s chance in hell that either of the two remaining boys could win (Marcus Canty and Chris Rene), and though I love me some Rachel Crow, she’s starting to feel like a bouncy little Mickey Mouse Club robot, don’t you agree?

All right all right…so last night’s show also featured the final seven singing MJ’s ‘Man in the Mirror’ (utterly predictable) and some British rapper with the hysterically ridiculous name Tiny Tempah performing a song that I couldn’t understand any of the words to (though I’m fairly certain one of the lyrics was, ‘I go pee pee at my front door’). But none of that…’excitement‘…could hold a candle to the dramatic, dour, and ultimately hella depressing elimination sequence.

Is anyone else as majorly bummed as I am that Drew and Astro got sent home? Does everyone else agree that Paula and Nicole were savoring their sweet, sweet revenge upon Simon by being total bitches and knowingly sending the wrong person home? Who are you rooting for now that all of the honest, original talent is gone?

Come back in a couple of days for the full recap, pretty please, so that we can console each other further and bitch about how unfair life is. Sigh.

If you wanna read my recap of last week’s elimination episode, which was far less painful than this one, click here!

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Mrs. Snarklesbee chose her moniker because she thought it made her sound A) British, B) adorably elderly, and C) married - only one of which is actually true. Revel in the mystery.

As she grew up in an area where there wasn't much to do outside of watching TV or shooting BB guns at trees, she developed a love for the entertainment industry at an early age and vowed to one day be a part of it, or at least sit on the sidelines making fun of it. But she's still pretty stellar with that BB gun, so there's always a PLAN B - PROFESSIONAL BB GUN SHOOTER PERSON.

Mrs. Snarklesbee loves her dog, long walks on the beach, and making crazy person faces at a-hole drivers in Los Angeles in an attempt to 'scare them into decency.' Because that works, right? RIGHT?!? Things she hates include bagging her own groceries, Hollywood remaking ANYTHING, and a-hole drivers in Los Angeles.

13 Comments

  1. 1
    sheesh
    Posted December 2, 2011 at 10:52 am

    Ooh. I have to disagree about Drew going home. I thought she was same old same old every week. “…and now I’ve said it!” Calm down Camille Grammer.
    Astro is going to be ok so I’m not too worried about him

    I think Rachel is a cutie patootie! I want to see her on the Disney channel.

    I am so disappointed by this show as well as Idol how contestants that I think are awesome in the auditions get worse and worse each week.

    Last point. Fuck Simon Cowell right in the goatass.

  2. 2
    willow
    Posted December 2, 2011 at 10:53 am

    Sadly, the rapper’s name was even more ridiculous: TINIE TEMPAH. Can you believe that? On the other hand, I hear his real name is Patrick Chukwuemeka Okogwu. So he really did upgrade with the stage name.

  3. 3
    captain-save-uh-hoe
    Posted December 2, 2011 at 11:15 am

    I could not agree with you more Snarks!! Sheesh- I agree that Drew was giving very repetitive performances and I didn’t really like her when she opened her mouth outside of singing, but she’s really got a great voice and shouldn’t have had any problem breezing to finals. I was shocked! And yes…. this is so Paula and whatshername throwing this in Simon’s face!! Talk about spite.

  4. 4
    KB
    Posted December 2, 2011 at 11:38 am

    I was upset Drew went home, too. Yeah, she was kind of the same every week, but Marcus sounds just like every other male singer that’s out right now. At least Drew had a different sound than the typical teen singer. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Simon look so pissed!

  5. 5
    Nini
    Posted December 2, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    So glad that Drew is out the door. Her yodelling was just too much for me. She played it safe every week and paid for it. If she had shown just a little more range (and I fault Simon for this mostly; he kept denying that the other judges had VALID criticism for her and let her live in her bubble world.) then the votes could have gone otherwise. And please, enough with the, ‘all women hate talented women’ retort – it’s garbage. The girl was boring and deserved the boot.

  6. 6
    itchy
    Posted December 2, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    I felt kind of sad for Drew until her facade cracked and she went on that insane jesus rant. Good riddance to her.

    What the hell is going on with reality television anyway? It’s like we’re being invaded by some alien race from the planet Jeebus in the distant galaxy of HooHaw. Find me a reality show these days that hasn’t been infected by this kind of false religiosity. You can lift up a rock without a jesus freak crawling out from under it.

    Imagine what would happen if the scientologists were to do the same thing? (Well, they are, sort of, they’re just not as in-your-face about it).

    Ugh. It’s enough to turn me off of reality tv altogether. It’s bad enough the jesus freaks have destroyed all civil political discourse in this country. But this? This is going too far.

  7. 7
    DJ
    Posted December 2, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    Nini, I’m with you the other judges had valid criticism when it came to Drew and they were right yet Simon completely ignored it. I don’t think Nicole and Paula sending Drew home out of spite, I just think they voted for the more entertaining contestant which is what X Factor is suppose to be about.

  8. 8
    captain-save-uh-hoe
    Posted December 2, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    Marcus was entertaining, but not in a truly talented way… I feel like Marcus is a dime a dozen. Give him a catchy song, some flashy dance moves and lights, and there you have it. Nothing special but nothing terrible. Drew’s talent should have kept her in the game. Paula and Nicole gave valid criticism- I don’t disagree with that, but I’d bet they loved the “i’m right and you’re wrong” decision they got to make last night just to piss Simon off. Also, none of these people have talent worth 5 mil so I’m not sure why I even care lol

  9. 9
    considerthis
    Posted December 2, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    I’m not sure any of these people would make it past Hollywood week on American Idol. The concept of coaches giving false praise and glowing accolades is gross.
    What made Simon – Simon was his ability to be BRUTALLY honest and usually he was spot on 95% of the time. Now he has transformed into a pussy who takes pot shots at the other judges while stepping around any actual critique of the perfromance. When it comes to “his girls” they could sound like Peter Brady and he would give them a standing O and gush about their superior singing ability.

  10. 10
    Myopinion
    Posted December 3, 2011 at 10:45 am

    Drew sang the same song every week. Don’t get me wrong, most of the time she sounded great… But I don’t want to buy an album where every song is a slow dragged out pretty tune. And when she tried to step it up with Skyscraper, I thought it was her worse performance.

  11. 11
    BLSD
    Posted December 3, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    Usually by this stage of an Idol season I will have settled on a contestant or two or three I actually like. Not so with X. Don’t care about any of the singers, dislike Steve intensely, am very tired of the made-up judges’ bickering. You may wonder why I even watch the show, and you’re not alone. As far as Drew and Astro go, I’m glad they’re gone. On a singing competition, even a rapper should be able to sing a little and Astro never showed that he could. Drew was just tiresome with her dirges and godawful bangs.

  12. 12
    itchy
    Posted December 3, 2011 at 10:31 pm

    I watch the show because it’s a trainwreck. I love the look on Cowell’s face (the part of his face he can still move, that is), the look in his eyes as he watches the train slowly going off the rails….

    Drew’s rant was really interesting too. I had the feeling they’d been forcing her to shut up about her silly jesusness the whole time –even though that should have gotten her the fundy vote. Maybe the theories that this season is all a setup to give Melanie (one of the other five jesus freaks this season) the win are right?

  13. 13
    Dtc
    Posted December 4, 2011 at 8:12 am

    Drew was exhaustingly boring. Dolly Parton and LeeAnn Rhymes can yodel…neither if them yodel all the way through every song. It honestly seed like she was singing the exact same song every time. I believe that Paula and whatshername were honest in their vote, they tried week after week to get her to sing something different and show some kind of range and that she could handle something different but she never did which told them and us that she couldn’t do it. Rachel Crow amd Marcus Canty were able to pull off slow ballads and pop. Also, the whole Jesus thing was just weird. I was glad to see her go. I was sad to see Astro go, he’s a talented kid. He writes his own stuff amd it’s good. That’s saying something for a 15 year old kid.

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