MiniCap: The X Factor

America: here’s your final tacky, mediocre three!

Last night’s episode of The X Factor was part one of the epic season finale. It was a night of surprises and mediocrity, with special guest duets and the contestants all performing songs they’d already sung in the competition. I kind of get that singing their audition song as their finale song could have been symbolic; they’ve come full circle… but I really wanted them to blow me away with something new. Not something they’d done seven months ago.

Josh Krajcik sang first with special guest Alanis Morissette. They sang Alanis’s “Uninvited” and Josh really paled in comparison to Alanis. He sounded like a particularly loud backup singer. The judges were impressed by Alanis but not so much with Josh.

Chris Rene’s special guest duet was with Avril Lavigne and they should have both been put out of our misery. They were like a bad karaoke performance. They sang “Complicated” and Chris added a very short, simple rap interlude. Avril was bouncy and loud and Chris seemed like he had just sort of accidentally wandered on stage and was going to play along. The judges liked the energy and overall performance.

Melanie Amaro and R. Kelly both wore sparkly accents as they sang “I Believe I Can Fly.” There was a comical amount of confetti that fell from the ceiling throughout the song that got caught in their hair and eyes and mouths; no laughing matter, however, was the fact that the key of the song was too low for Melanie’s comfort zone. The judges caught that but Simon said she looked like an established artist.

Josh’s final song of the competition was “At Last.” He accompanied himself on the acoustic guitar and did a respectable job. He’s OK to listen to but not particularly exciting to watch. People keep voting for him, though, so he’s obviously appealing to someone. His voice was growly and went back and forth between strong and soft, which I think is a sign of a mature artist. I don’t believe this is his genre, though, so I thought the song choice was strange. The judges loved it and think he’s a star.

Chris’s final song was his original “Young Homie,” which he’s updated to reflect his 8 months of sobriety and his changing place in the competition. It’s the best we’ve heard from him, which doesn’t mean it compares to the other contestants’ performances, but it was excellent for Chris. The judges loved it and Paula assured him that he actually is a contender, despite what some people say. Yeah, Chris, don’t listen to those people who tell you that you’re not talented enough to be a real threat to Josh and Melanie. You’ll always have the nuts at Vote for the Worst to buy your albums filled with original soft rap songs and faux reggae beats.

Melanie’s last song of the competition was “Listen” from Dreamgirls. She just belted out the song, singing as loud and strong as possible from beginning to end. Just loud. She was all like, listen mofos, I’m gonna make your eyes explode with my lungs. Now go vote. She seemed to hit every note and really threw herself emotionally into the song, finishing off with a killer note at the end. LA thought it was a $50 million performance and Simon thinks she should win the competition.

The show was thankfully short with less filler than usual, but still a bit of a letdown considering how much time they’ve made us spend watching the obnoxious performances, intricately choreographed acts and in-depth video retrospectives. I feel like we’ve invested a lot of time in this show… I kind of wanted to see more than Avril Lavigne and the mayor of Sunrise, FL (who I found rather delightful, by the way!).

What did you think? Who did you vote for? I think the person who should win is obvious… the actual outcome, however, may be a surprise. I hope it is. I hope it’s Chris Rene and that everyone’s heads explode in shock and Steve Jones is just left standing onstage with bone fragments and brain tissue dripping off his shiny, tight suit.

Coming up in the full recap, we’ll discuss the crazy robot dancers, the hometown shoutouts, and why Nicole was wearing a churro made of hair on the top of her head. In the meantime, you can re-live the glory of last week’s elimination episode here.

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