If I ran away, would anybody really notice?
Jesus, Allah, Buddha, I love this show! This week’s episode of Toddlers & Tiaras departs from the recent nice-parent/nice-kid bullshit and lands us right where we belong…in the middle of terrible parenting, worse grammar and bratty-beyond-belief kids.
The pageant is once again run by my fav DIE-rector, Annette Hill, although I have to say each time we see her it’s pretty clear her coke-snorting and Red Bull-shotgunning is getting to her. You are putting on a pageant, not brokering peace in the Middle East. I would refrain from calling the $10,000 award “history making.” Not history making? The creepy office supply guy is back again with full boner for the “older” contestants…yes, they are pitting 18+ year olds against babies. Good move.
First up is Hailey who doesn’t really seem to enjoy pageants although all of her siblings and nieces (seriously, this family breeds like rabbits) are sort of pressuring her into it. Although the mom says she’s proud of her daughter and does tell her, but it’s clear this kid no-likey the pageants…she doesn’t like practicing, she doesn’t like the hair and makeup. She just wants to play.
Next is the unfortunately named Dianely (di-ah-nelly) who has a rude, illiterate, ignorant fat-ass bad mother who spends the entire episode putting her daughter down. She tells her daughter her routine sucks, she is terrible, she did a bad job and then proceeds to tell the barking dog to shut up. Why don’t YOU shut up, you piece of trash? How about turning that spotlight on your fat ass and that horrible hair of yours? As you can see, this morning’s viewing did not leave me feeling any love. The worst part? All her daughter wants to do is compete in gymnastics and her mommy won’t let her because of the muscles she was developing. Jealous, fatty-fat-fat-fat?
Finally, we meet Lola who not only ISN’T a showgirl, she isn’t getting any much-needed discipline, either. It seems like her parents are independently wealthy (mom says they are both stay-at-home parents and they have an indoor pool), but mom clearly isn’t using any money to make herself look good – she spends most of the time looking like a piece of poo (seriously, add some color to that wardrobe). Worse? Her kid is a bigger brat than McKenzie if that’s possible, hitting and screaming and taking things that aren’t hers and not being punished for it. EVEN WORSE than that…she prefers her aunt over her mother and it’s pretty obvious that mom should kick the aunt out of her life for at least 2 years if she wants any kind of relationship with her daughter. As it stands, she was just an egg donor.
The best part? Spoiler alert on the winner…it’s not any of our kids (in fact, only one walks away with a crown)…but instead someone who won with her double-Ds. Shocking, I know. The best part? Some of the fat moms suggest she use the money for lipo. Pot? Meet Kettle. Reality TV, do you ever stop giving?