Minicap: Top Chef Seattle


It turns out Boy Toy Roy actually was some kind of terrible gangster, and in another one of tonight’s shockingly emotional moments, he credits La Gassy with turning him on to cooking food instead of shooting people. Or something equally dire, I dunno, he was being really shady and vague about his bad past. After another ten minutes of everybody sitting around looking concerned at each other, the chefs finally find out their Elimination Challenge is for them to make a dish that describes the moment when they first realized they wanted to be a chef…

05 Sheldon Simeon Has The Munchies Top Chef 1015 06
first time I got da munchies. duh.

And they get to make this dish for the Governor of Alaska…

06 Governor Of Alaska Top Chef 1015 07
you know… the one that isn’t a constant punchline?

And that’s about all I can tell you for now, other than the fact that two out of the three chefs make huge rookie mistakes that seal the deal: Season Ten Sucks. Check back in a few days for the full recap, and if you haven’t had a chance to read last week’s yet, you can find it here.

love, J-Mo :)

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J-Mo
About

J-Mo is a great big fat hairy homo (and he tends to be attracted to the same) who lives with his big fat non-hairy BF in the Valley Of The Sun, a.k.a. Phoenix, Arizona. By day he is an account manager for a giant corporate megaconglomerate and his greatest joy comes from not having to speak directly to the general public any more... also, he can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never never never let you forget you're a man.  By night (when he's not recapping) he is a co-choreographer (and the Fattest Backup Dancer In Captivity™) for one of Phoenix's most talented female impersonators known as Devina Ross.  He is also still a part of the Rhythm Nation.

23 Comments

  1. 1
    ANTM Fan
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 7:19 am

    What did Brooke get for winning the Quick Fire? I didn’t hear them announce a prize at all. Of course, it’s possible that I was so busy screaming at Josh for making SCRAMBLED EGGS that I missed it.

  2. 2
    Kay
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 7:48 am

    Did anyone else catch Stoner Sheldon’s reefer comment? I can’t believe how terrible this season is!

  3. 3
    kels
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 7:54 am

    Never in my wildest nighmares would I have imagined that a TC season could equal the suckage of Season Seven. Congrats Top Chef. You’ve outdone yourselves with this turd of a season. Now I’ll go drown my sorrows in bacon and Asain food.

  4. 4
    TallGirl
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 8:17 am

    Before it was gangster geek style, it was Elmer Fudd style. Only no wascally wabbit around to hunt down.

  5. 5
    LAC LAC
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 9:16 am

    I think Matt on “Watch what Crappens” put it best about Josh – Bacon Fucker! That is my new fav term. ANTM, you and me both. My husband walked by and asked heard “eggs’ and was like “again”? And did you know Josh was from Oklahoma? Did you?

    J-Mo, that first picture was brill! Yes, I am through! :)

  6. 6
    CrazyTrain
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 9:23 am

    UGH that stuff with mustache’s wife made me so mad, when she called. Being there for your WIFE is more important than a reality TV show!! this season has become so boring.

  7. 7
    PacoSauce
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 12:24 pm

    I honestly remember about 30 seconds of information from the episode: Brooke being afraid of heights, Josh making the REVOLUTIONARY choice to cook breakfast, and trying to give a shit about his wife going into labor. Did they even do any cooking for the elimination challenge? As someone who mercifully missed season 7, this is painful to watch. Or try to watch, at any rate.

    Note to Josh: not everyone looks better after losing weight. Congrats, you look gaunt and a lot older (just like Richard did, incidentally. They can share shitty t-shirts now!).

  8. 8
    Miss Molly
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 1:03 pm

    Roy Choi’s story about how he saw Emeril on TV & it changed his life made me get all mushy.
    I hate getting mushy.

  9. 9
    juddfan juddfan
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 1:37 pm

    Every time I eat bacon now, I have to twirl my imaginary Snidely Whiplash Mustache-I’ll never be the same!

  10. 10
    emily
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 1:47 pm

    In Stoner’s defense the challenge was to make a meal inspired by the first time you wanted to be a chef. So it made sense for him to do asian food again. I know this season sucks and it is hard to recap but keep it up you are good at it.

  11. 11
    PottyMouth PottyMouth
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 2:13 pm

    J-Mo, your recaps are the only reason I keep watching this season. I never thought they’d have a season that sucked more than seven, but never say never I guess! Looking forward to the full recap!

    SWAK, Pottymouth

  12. 12
    JimbobJones JimbobJones
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 2:27 pm

    @emily — I actually (sadly) agree. The problem was that he made Asian food for the other 11,000 challenges, too, so one of the few where he legitmately SHOULD make Asian food, people (including me) tend to balk at.

    Plus, he wasn’t asked to do that in the quickfire — where he used Asian ingrediences yet AGAIN.

    Also, spoiler alert (or “who gives a damn, since this season sucks so hard”) — none of the “returning 3″ made it into LCK. Hopefully they don’t pull that crap again.

  13. 13
    JimbobJones JimbobJones
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 2:48 pm

    And you just KNOW that Snidley Dumbass’s culinary epiphany had nothing to do with foie gras.

    That motherfucker was at Denny’s one day and thought “Man, if I worked here, I could eat all of the Grand Slams I WANT!”, and the rest is history.

  14. 14
    ssam49
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 2:57 pm

    j-mo you are too funny. Sorry though guys…i don’t get the “Asian” food hate. Asia is comprised of a lot of countries with a ton of flavor profiles. No one calls out someone who uses white wine vinegar as using a “European” ingredient. People know there is a difference between French and Italian food, so why not the same respect differentiating between thai, chineses, japanese, philippino etc food. Just seems a little unfair.

  15. 15
    Liz
    Posted February 14, 2013 at 10:19 pm

    I still think this season is better than Season 7, because at least there are likable cheftestants, even if they are clearly not very good chefs. Season 7 was entirely populated by bland and unlikable people who were also not very good chefs. At least these guys are bland and likable.

  16. 16
    MellyMel
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 12:12 am

    Jimbob, I completely agree. Even tom looked like he was about to call bull on stachey’s story. He just wanted, to cook something fancy to try and, impress the judges.

    I think sheldon is the only likable one. Brooke is a spoiled,brat, Josh is well josh and their flirtation is so inappropriate. If I was giving birth to our child while you were away on a cooking show, and I saw you flirting with some PYT, trust there will be problems.

  17. 17
    AliceinPopLand
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 2:30 am

    I think this season is better for the main reason less stupid catering jobs. But I cant tolerate Brook or ugh shudder Josh (may he get his balls kicked in by a fine Oklahoma heffer). I really liked TexAsian and it was obvious his skill set was way above the others. I’m only watching now to keep up with JMo’s awesome observations. Otherwise this season is barely tolerable. I will forget all wrongs if Kristen takes the whole thing.

  18. 18
    JimbobJones JimbobJones
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 3:45 am

    I still like Season 7 (that sucks) better, simply because, though most of the chefs were blander (I looked at the list, and outside of Tiffany, Angelo, and (just based on winning), Kevin, I can’t remember anyone by name), there were far less hateful ones.

    This season, there was an excess of assholes. Snidley, Blowsie, Tesar, Thumby, Loud Carla… these are the ones I can think of off the top of my head.

    Coupled with a BUNCH of bland ones, and only a couple that are remotely likable, a bunch of nonsensical challenges, and this is the first season I’ve actively HATED, whereas with Season 7, I was
    just bored.

    The sad thing is, I don’t even know how good Kristen is. She could be as good as one of the Volts, as bad as Kevin from 7 (that sucks). Unfortunately, thanks to a season where Bacon Boy and Captain Asian can make it to the final 3, we’ll never know, even if she wins.

  19. 19
    Liz
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 2:06 pm

    I do want to say that I hate Josh. And @JimBob – crap, you’re right, there was an overabundance of assholery. I guess that’s why Brooke doesn’t seem very bitchy to me – by comparison she’s quite nice.

  20. 20
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 8:39 pm

    I don’t mind Stoner’s Asian food thing, because I feel like most chefs have their signature style of food that they make, and I don’t see anything wrong with that. My understanding about Top Chef is that you don’t have to be a master of all cuisines to win…you just have to know what you’re doing in the kitchen and be creative while doing it.

    Josh got on my nerves because he made exactly one very specific thing (BACON and EGGS) in one very specific style (BREAKFAST) and just shoved them into every challenge no matter what.

    At least Sheldon uses different ingredients, prepares them in different ways, and for the most part, seems to be able to execute well.
    Also, I feel like there’s no one in the competition who has done such a wide range of foods that Sheldon can be dinged for consistently cooking Asian foods. Everyone has pretty much consistently stayed in their lane when they could, except for Blowsie. But she’s insane, so she’s not eligible for consideration.

  21. 21
    JimbobJones JimbobJones
    Posted February 15, 2013 at 10:28 pm

    @chaos — I wouldn’t mind the Asian thing if he didn’t almost ALWAYS use it, even when it didn’t make sense. “Hey, the challenge is to make a high-class snack cake” “How the hell am I supposed to work Bok Choi into THAT?”

  22. 22
    Posted February 16, 2013 at 2:03 pm

    I’m going to defend Sheldon and always cooking “Asian” food. It’s a continent with varied cuisines. It’s not like he cooks bacon every single time. That’s one-note and tiresome. But as I drive around LA I see the many different cuisines that make up “Asian” and all the varied techniques. Hell, within a mile of my house there’s Vietnamese, Thai, a Panda Express and A-Frame, Roy Choi’s restaurant. All are “Asian” and none are similar in any way.

    No one complains when the vast majority of chefs make “European” cuisine, which is what they make since they use techniques created and refined in Europe. We accept that there is such a thing as Italian, Spanish, French, German, British cuisines but we never lump them together and say “European” but even Josh’s “southern” cooking relies on European techniques.

  23. 23
    Khakie
    Posted March 21, 2013 at 6:51 am

    At least season 7 had orgello, this one just…..ugh….

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