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Wow, ‘Gasmii, can you believe this last episode? I thought that unbridled arrogance and severe self-delusion were the exclusive property of the Real Housewives franchises, but apparently these traits are now common amongst the chefs appearing on this season of Top Chef Seattle. I knew something was wrong when they had already finished presenting their Elimination Challenge food and it was only 31 minutes into the show…
hearing this wasn’t exactly a positive sign, either
But I’m getting ahead of myself here. Let’s start with the QuickFire Challenge, which forced the chefs back into teams again, this time as much more manageable (and infinitely more toxic) duos. Thanks to the Schoolyard Pick, we end up with some pairings that are real doozies…
yay Team HaterStache
StacheBear says he would have rather been on anyone else’s team but Hater-Tots’, but his self-delusion prevents him from understanding that none of the other chefs wanted to be with him, either. Anyhow, the challenge they are faced with is to make breakfast for the Butt Crack ‘O Dawn™ workers at Seattle’s famous Pike Place Market (where throwing fish through the air is apparently unnecessary but still considered authentic). Not only that, but they have to build their own kitchen (fights will ensue!) and shove their food onto a stick…
sadly, no hilariously shitty uniforms are involved
This QuickFire is a good test to see just how awful these people will be at working together (and it’s not just Team HaterStache that implodes… Teams Bloweyeza and Rapunzzie are playing passive-aggressive games, too). This makes it especially harsh when the chefs discover they are going to be forced to keep the same teams for the Elimination Challenge!
Here’s where everything goes off the rails in a big fucking way. The challenge is for the seven duos to choose a randomly exotic (read: weird-ass) ingredience that is hand-made by “artisans” at the Market (this includes stuff like millipede meat, candied hemorrhoids and yak dong). Then they have to make a lunchtime dish and serve it to the same “artisans” who produced their respective ingredience. Never once in the ten seasons this show has been on have I seen a group of people look more insulted by lunch…
wellnow, that was a big Fuck-You Sammich covered in Eat Shit Sauce™
Seriously, it is such a massive FAIL that Daddy Tom gets completely infuriated, makes an executive decision and does something harsh, yet incredibly righteous. Delicious details will follow in the full recap. Also, for those who still think UniBall isn’t really being such a smarmy fuckface, you may be forced to reconsider after this episode, because he pulls his biggest dick move yet. Oh, and StacheBear goes after Tyler Weird for no reason. Check back in a couple of days for the full recap, and if you haven’t slogged through last week’s yet, you can find it here.