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Thursday, December 27, 2012
7:16 am
22 Comments
Tagged: Bart Vandaele, bravo, Brooke Williamson, chef, closet case, competition, cooking, Emeril Lagasse, fucking product placement, hideous hags, J-Mo, John Tesar, Josh Valentine, Josie Smith-Malave, Josie still blows, Kristen Kish, lesbian sports, Lizzie Binder, Micah Fields, oysters, padma lakshmi, reality, reality tv, recap, recaps, roller derby, seattle, Sheldon Simeon, show, shucking and sucking, Stefan Richter, talking about yourself in the 3rd person, tom colicchio, top chef, Top Chef Seattle, TV, tvgasm
Hello once again, I hope you’ve all had a chance to recover from your holiday sugar-coma! I barely woke up from mine in time to catch tonight’s episode of Top Chef Seattle, and I definitely didn’t want to miss the latest Blowsie histrionics, not to mention her eventually referring to herself in the third person…
dead(er) to me
But first, we have to have a crummy Cloyota commercial. Hey, did you guys know that cars today can come already equipped with satellite-assisted mapping devices…
that will send you right out into the ocean to drown?
These helpful devices take all the fun out of harassing whoever’s driving by waiting until you’re within 56 inches of your desired exit before you start screaming “Turn here, turn here, turn here, turn here, TURN HERE, oh fuck, that was where we needed to turn, dammit!” (*crossing arms and looking pissed*)Anyhow, the chefs get to go out to an oyster pit and pick out a bunch of oysters from the mud. Then the earth tries to murder a few of them via slow drowning. Then they get to come back to the EZ-Bake Kitchen™ and make an oyster dish for La Gassy. Hey, aren’t oysters supposed to be some kind of aphrodisiac?
guess who’s feeling some sexytime coming on?
For the Elimination Challenge, the chefs get to meet what Scar calls “one of Seattle’s hottest sports teams!” and out skate a bunch of roller-derby chicks. The chefs get divided up into pairs and have to make a dish based on the roller-girls’ awesome stage names. Then they have to go and endure an evening of roller-derby. Now, for a gay guy who never goes to live sporting events if I can help it, I have actually beento see roller-derby live and in person, and I will explain more about that in the full recap. Just know that I was also seated very near to someone who was acting very much like Blowsie did…
so I don’t blame StacheBear for making this face
Later on that night there is another blowup at the Saliv-8 High Rise, and accusations of hidden homosexuality are tossed about. Then the chefs wind up at a roller rink to serve their dishes to the roller derby chicks and a bunch of other people. And wouldn’t you know, justwhen I was starting to think that maybe StacheBear wasn’t a complete douchetool…
he pulls a UniBall
Pages: 1 2
22 Comments
Yes, blowsie was obnoxious (and probably a little drunk) at the game, but in fairness to her the group seemed VERY boring. At least she was trying to enjoy the moment.
And STFU to stachebear, couldn’t believe his arrogance.
I think we ought to start using the Sheldon-buzz-harshing meter to gauge just how annoying Blowsie is. Because if you’re so loud, obnoxious and up-your-own ass that Sheldon’s sitting there hating his life at that moment, you are, quite possibly, the loudest, most obnoxious and most up your own ass person, ever.
Amen on the petition to crazy glue Stachebear’s handlebar mustache to a barbell. Oh, I haven’t started it yet…sorry!
What a bitch…
I finally figured out who Blowsie looks like — a light-skinned version of Bookman from Good Times.
You know what *PISSED ME OFF* – that Blowsie used being gay as an insult! OH MY GOSH! REALLY???? It’s homophobic when a straight person does it – it’s beyond ignorant when a lesbian does it. I don’t know if she could ever redeem herself in my eyes (and I don’t even LIKE Moley Micah).
DAMN. If I had known that Blowsie was 5 minutes from my house digging for oysters I would have been there with a giant shovel…to beat her with as she sinks in the mud and becomes oyster chow. Such a missed opportunity!
I’m starting to crush on Bart.
I’m not sure why.
In Blowsie’s defense, other than Micah’s randomly generated aside about being a single father of two, I’d have assumed he was gay, as well. Also, in Blowsie’s defense, cheering and drinking at a sporting event is par for the course and energy from the crowd builds the team’s supposed “homefield advantage.” Finally, in Blowsie’s defense, when you talk shit about someone where they are clearly within earshot, you deserve to have shit talked right back! Of Stefan, Stachebitch, and Micah, Micah was the low-hanging fruit (pun intended).
@J-Mo, please dictate Blowsie’s diatribe where she, I think, refers to her vagina as a tree bark.
But to counter your defense of Blowsie at the roller derby, she was loudly screaming and cheering on a player who was on the bench. Of course, it was Josh who pointed that out to her, but her behavior seemed more like “LOOK AT ME WOOOOO! I’M A LESBIAN WHO LOVES ROLLER DERBY! WOOOOOOOO! [Did the camera crew catch it? Better cheer louder.] WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
There’s cheering for a team then there’s the obnoxious drunk who won’t shut the hell up.
Dammit, I missed this episode because my DVR, who I think has been possessed by some low rung lackey of Satan, recorded last weeks episode, again, and didn’t record the new one. I’m so disappointed!
Sheldon’s face at the game gave me so much life.
Two things about this episode. First, you may not want to bark up that tree, but you probably would want to pee on it. Second, after this man episode, Bart finally did something completely endearing. Did anyone else catch his beat poet finger snapping in the stew room? Groovy applause, daddyio!
“After this man episode?” I’m not even sure what I meant by that. I think it was “after this many episodes.” That’s what I get for commenting while at work. Bad kczar!
Dude, Blowsie got me on Stachebear’s side for once, which is difficult to do. That look he gave her (which you awesomely screen-grabbed) was HIlarious. And I cosign the comment that it’s ridiculous to try to insult someone by calling them gay while saying you are comfortable with yourself. Frank from the Real World is the last person I saw do that. You should NEVER be doing something that makes me compare you to Frank from the Real World. Though I saw it coming, I was disappointed by the elimination. There were at least two other people in the bottom I would have loved to see go instead.
I will genuinely miss the chef who was sent home. Did anyone watch Last Chance Kitchen and notice the framed photo in the fridge? Who is that and why is he in there?
Please go Blowsie– Top Model, Brooke or Stefan for the win…. Any of them are ok with me
. I want to go on the Top Chef cruise…
Most rodents file down their teeth and Blowsie’s got a whole tree at her disposal. Embrace yourself girl!
I’ve never seen one half of a team so happy to be eliminated before.
@LAC — I’m in! Where do I sign your petition?
@linda — It’s Bravo. Odds are, the episode will be on 17 more times… today. So I think you’ll get a chance to add it.
My DVR decided to stop recording EVERYTHING. I had to go back and re-setup all of my recordings. They were all still there, but all listed as “0 pending” until I re-added them.
I thought it was hilarious that they were in a loge for roller derby. And it looked like they were the only loge occupied. They probably didn’t want to inflict Blowsie and The ‘Stache on the paying fans…
BTDubs – I think that “Blowsie and The ‘Stache” would be a good name for a cop show where the two renegade detectives are partnered up because no one will work with them and their absolute hatred of each other is the catalyst that allows them to solve crimes in roughly 48 minutes. If any networks are hungry for new fall programming, let me know…
@Chicken Lips. Was it a loge or just the cheap seats? Whatever it was, I think the main objective was to keep the chefs separated from the rest of the fans. I read a piece from some local food blogger, that during the Texas season she just happened to be at the bar in a restaurant when Padma, Tom, Gail, etc. came in, so she started Tweeting about it. Some guy from the entourage confronted her and demanded that she stop, which started an argument in which he told the restaurant management to kick her out, and when that failed, started making up stuff about her boyfriend using slurs against gays. Then Gail come over complaining about being “compromised” because of the Tweets. And this was not even when they were filming. It seems like they may all be prima donnas.
I love the \Blowsie and Stache\ concept, but if some producer moves on this and they both become famous TV stars, I’m blaming you.
Too bad that Top Chef doesn’t have a “Ponderosa” like Survivor so we could get a glimpse of the chefs voted off the island. That I’d like to see.