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KIDDING! Of course I have stuff to say about this episode, because it brought back so many fond memories of Top Chef seasons past, and because the ending is mighty sweet, but first, let’s start with the QuickFire Challenge. From the description on my TV it said something about knife skills, and I thought it was going to be another one of those mise en place relays, but instead, the chefs are tasked with sharpening a bunch of dull knives and then attacking some paper with them (and not just any paper, but Top Chef® brand paper). Then they have to cut some taters into tiny turds. Then they have to chop up a baby rabbit. Then there’s a big stabfight, and the winner is the chef who doesn’t require a blood transfusion to survive. The chefs are competing for immunity and a knife that costs 500 dollars. Per inch. You can tell that some of the chefs are enjoying that little tidbit of information quite a bit, because in their minds…
they can now be proud of their 1500 dollar dick
And I’m being generous and rounding upthere. Anyhow, tricky editing on the part of the Magical Elves successfully hid the winner from being guessed prematurely, which I kinda love. I wish they’d done that for the Elimination Challenge. Which, BTW, was one big long commercial for Wealthy Choice frozen foodstuffs…
yes, I would lose weight eating these because I can’t afford enough of them to stay alive
Oh, we also get another plug for that lovely tablet (the Spindle Wire) which comes pre-loaded with “memorable moments” from the prior nine seasons of Top Chef...
strangely, this one isn’t included
Ah yes, the Rape Of Marcel™, I remember it well, and we laughed far into the night when it happened! You can really tell which seasons shone here, and which ones were completely forgettable (and yes, Season Seven that Sucked falls back on that goddamned fucking pea purée bullshit all over again). Anyhow, each chef is tasked with creating a healthier version of the dishes that are related to these “memorable moments”, which is hysterical when one of the fattest chefs on this cast starts spewing bullshit about how amazingly healthy their food always is. You’ll never guess who said that, but I’ll give you a hint…
they’re talking out of their well-padded ass
Here’s where the editing in the teaser for this episode ruined everything, because by the time the chefs have finished cooking (and you paid close attention), you already know who is on the bottom. On the plus side, we finally get to see the reunion of Wolfgang Puck and his favorite dish: horrible risotto. Only this time he is not allowed to stop the entire meal in order to take the offending chef back into the kitchen and show them how to make it properly. This time I wish he could have, because it would have been way Jyllicious to watch the chef involved get schooled. But in place of that, we get some more of StacheBear being a (thousand dollar) dick. Check back in a few days for the full recap, and in the meantime, if you haven’t finished last week’s, you can find it here.
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