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Hey everybody, welcome back to Top Chef Canada! That’s right, we’ve left Texas behind, knocked its dust from our boots, traded in the summertime heat for the blast chiller of a snowy mountaintop in British Columbia, which is actually neither British nor Colombian…
and where they have a serious aversion to vowels
Look at all those funny little marks by those letters! Ty-Böre would be right at home! In any case, this is where our Semi-Final Four™ meet up to take part in yet another Cloyota commercial, before they make their way up to the top of Whistler Mountain where they find…
Daddy Tom and Scar enjoying the breeze
This is where the theme for this episode is announced… the Olympics! Wait, what? Are the Winter Olympics coming up again? Not until 2014 my BF tells me. Ummmm, I guess they wanted to have another chance to film things around that big stone fat guy? I dunno, but that’s what we’re stuck with. This means there are going to be three events, and at the end of each event the winner gets $10,000.00 and a guaranteed spot in the Final Round… which again, really isn’t the “Final Round” because the actual “Finale” will still only be two chefs facing off. I think. You never know, perhaps there is a Last Final Ultimate Chance Kitchen Competition that’s been going on and they’ll bring back Ty-Böre to overcook some stuff.
In any case, the first Event winds up being that the chefs have to cook a dish on a moving gondola on the tramway. Which looks really fun since they are now cooking at 7,000 feet above sea level, on a windy day, inside a metal box dangling from a flimsy cable and one of the chefs gets motion sick really easily…
eh, there are much worse things you could be forced to look at while you’re blurking up lunch…
…like your blurked up lunch
The chefs have to stop midway through and grab a mystery ingredience to incorporate into their dish. The results of this one are semi-gratifying and rather frightening, and the Guest Judge is some random former Olympian that I’ve never heard of. Somebody put a fur coat on Patti LaBelle and bring her back on the show, please?
And then the next day we’re on to Event Two, which has the remaining three chefs having to break apart ingrediences that are frozen deep inside blocks of ice. Because this is a test of your culinary skills how? And there is another random former Olympian to eat and judge. The fun part is the fact that we wind up watching a lot of ice pick action…
and waiting for someone to slip and “accidentally” injure a competitor
Also, they get to cook out in the open on the snowy hillside, which looks like a total blast… for everyone not cooking out in the open on the snowy hillside. The winner of this round sets my soul at ease somewhat, but the remaining two chefs have a bitter struggle against each other, because Event Three turns out to be a Bi-Sexual-a-Thon, or something similarly named in which they are forced to cross-country ski fall all over their asses in the snow, followed by having to shoot at targets to determine their ingrediences. The shootin’ part is actually quite gratifying, especially since the better marksman turns out to be the least experienced with guns.
Then it’s back to cook with their ingrediences for a third random former Olympian and secure the Final spot in the Not-Really-Final-Final-Round. The winner of this one is going to please some of you, and upset others… I will reveal all in the full recap in a few days, and in the meantime, if you’d like to go back and see exactly how we ended up at this place with these people, you can take a look at the the prior recaps here. And here. And here. And here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here and here.
love, J-Mo
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52 Comments
The igloo pantry was silly. But there was that element of hope (Groany) or horror (Texasian) that there would be an ice pick slip.
I do love when a minicab is written so painstakingly carefully to avoid any sense of spoiler and then the FIRST comment deliberately ignores this trend in favor of imparting deeply important personal reactions.
minicap! LOL
I call BS. They knew the final 3 b4 Boreverly returned. She out did Sarah, but they chose Sarah, who I believe was still audibly wheezing after cross country skiing about 2 hours prior. And may just LOL at the “I am a texas sharp shooter.” Thank sweet baby Jesus she was too busy wheezing to complain anymore with the whole, “sounds like she [Bev] had more shots then me!” I was actually laughing out loud! Love ur recapsQ
OK, more important than the recap this time…
What the friggin’ hell is up with that scary-ass “Sheila D” woman? She has been the “submitter of the most votes” every single damn week, and you just KNOW she’s the freaky stalker bitch keeping Chris Scary on top of the fan favorites.
Does she think that if she votes for him, he’s going to find her and throw her down among her 73 cats and make freaky love to her?
Ummmm, I see a spoiler, but not in my comment. Unless I am hopelessly confused, which is always possible.
Fan-Ann – the ice pick challenge was noted in the minicap as being Event Two; by pointing out the names of two of the chefs in that one, and the fact that the previews (and the minicap) show Bev picking ice, you inadvertently give away the name of the first finalist – something J-Mo goes to great pains to avoid in the minicap.
If it is not already understood – and if I may be so bold as to gently instruct posters here – as a courtesy because of the difference in viewing times across the US and for viewers outside the states, we try to avoid stating the name of the winner of challenges in comments for the minicaps. Often times the minicap is posted before people have a chance to view the show so by avoiding names and specifics in the minicap comments, it allows those viewers a chance to see the episode without knowing the outcome ahead of time.
Sorry for the double post – I didn’t want Fan-Ann to think this comment was directed at her alone. Spoilers have long been an issue in minicap comments.
Now I get it….so sorry. That was truly unintended, and I try to always be aware of the issue. Mea maxima culpa!!!!!
LesterMaddox thank you for your gentle instruction. I was obviously having a brain freeze.
@lestermaddox- well put!
@Fan-Ann – I generally tend to not read either the review or minicap until I’ve seen the show because not all reviewers are the same and some do provide a brief plot summary. So it is an easy mistake but it always amuses me and your lightning-fast first entry gave me a little lol. No worries
It was a complex episode with multiple challenges too and someone would really have to be following every stage to feel spoiled
I was a little ticked off by the challenges this week. Here we are at the end stages of the competition and the producers are having them do physical challenges? What if someone broke a leg/knee/ankle skiing or seriously stabbed themselves with an ice pick. I truly believe that in a completion like this one, they shouldn’t be getting cute at the end. You want them to ski in the first few episodes, fine. But you are now determining the final three. I want the best to be cooking at their highest level. The NFL does this with the Super Bowl and choosing domed stadiums or venues in warm weather states.
The only reason to do that bi-atholon was to get humiliating footage of people falling down. And it was hilarious! I did like the element of shooting for their ingrediences. But it looked as if they had a lot of other options in the kitchen itself. I’d rather they have been limited to what they shot plus herbs, oils and seasonings.
>>>>the ice pick challenge was noted in the minicap as being Event Two; by pointing out the names of two of the chefs in that one, and the fact that the previews (and the minicap) show Bev picking ice, you inadvertently give away the name of the first finalist<<<
Really, if you're sitting down to turn this into a logic game–if one female chef is show with an ice pick at an undertermined time, and a male chef and a chef of either gender are show competing in a Round that is an even number, and the female chef is absent, then which train with crash and kill 135 people except for Bruce Willis outside Chicago at 10:55 am?–then are you working to avoid spoilers or working to figure ways to spoil it for yourself?
The name of the show is Top CheF: Texas. So they leave Texas to shoot at things in British Columbia. If you want to play a logic game, please explain the logic of THAT.
Oh, and J-Mo love, I don’t know if it’s just me but I can’t see any of the images. Not even on the home page.
FOR THE LOVE OF MIKE…WILL PEOPLE KEEP THEIR FUCKING MOUTHS SHUT ABOUT THE WINNERS OF THE HEATS IN THE MINICAPS???!!!
I saw the show but I wouldn’t want someone to ruin it for me. I’m not saying don’t comment. Just be cagey about it. Be creative in how you word your comments. Or, if you can’t, just wait until the regular ‘cap to comment. That is all.
Thank you 2muchbravo!!!! Last week I asked that no spoilers be included in the minicap because (just too many shows on tv to remember, and I am a stereotypical congenital blonde) I forget to watch until after the mini has been posted.
Thanks to you I didn’t read the comments (and I love the comments almost as much as I love J-Mo’s recaps) and scrolled down to the submit space. Love, SSC
@notwithoutmytv – LOL on your comment! And I agree. I only commented on Fan-Ann’s comment in the manner that I did, because someone else called her out on a spoiler and she didn’t see how her comment was one. It was a convoluted episode and a convoluted spoiler – if it hadn’t been pointed out as being a spoiler comment, I think it would have passed over the head of most readers.
Anywho, on a different topic. My most WTF moment in this episode was a comment made by one of the chefs, blaming another chef because the first chef fell down during the skiing challenge. I am sure that the chef fell down, which in turn caused the other chef to fall ON PURPOSE because, you know, neither chef had fallen before that point.
Dang! I had to go and miss NWMTV’s comment because of the spoiler. What number is it so I can skip it? Please?
I don’t get this show – this is the second season where a location has been badly used. DC had a lot of great spots that barely got used and now Texas. Why the fuck are we in snow…in Canada…with an Olympics challenge. Did someone get into Padma’s weed during the planning of this season?
With apologies to TLC…
I don’t want no spoilers…A spoiler is a thing that I don’t need…hanging on the passenger side of minicap ride, trying to get me to read…
@Chef Pants, I agree with you completely! To have chefs performing ridiculous stunts in order to proceed makes absolutely no sense. Obviously it is not about cooking anymore. sadtopchefisjumpingtheshark horns…
Maybe I’m alone in this but when I haven’t seen a show and don’t want it spoiled, I don’t read minicaps/recaps/articles/facebook posts or any other potentially spoiling information b/c once the show has aired…is it really a spoiler? I absolutely respect any recapper who makes an effort not to spoil and I would never comment so as to spoil but if someone else does…its still on me for reading about a show that I haven’t seen yet.
Totally agree about the ridiculous stunts as well, not being athletic or a good shot should not impact how well one does in a cooking competition!
wow, in principle, I agree with you about spoilers. I don’t mind spoilers myself, but a lot of viewers do mind, and the owners of the board request no spoilers in minicap commments. Their house, their rules.
I might be missing something here – but is spoilers are such an issue, wouldn’t it just be easier to not read the mini-cap until you’ve watched the show?
I agree crankyguy and I certainly would never spoil if requested not to. But I guess my point is when you click on that minicap and read the comments without having seen the episode, you are taking the (seemingly large) risk that you may be spoiled about the show.
Yes, life is full of risks. It’s a cruel world.
Adelefig, I love your “sadtopchefisjumpingtheshark horns”…I’m starting to feel that way myself!!!
And this is not a spoiler – Groany was a major BITCH to Bev in the car. “Look at that tree!” Oh, PLEEEEZE…I’m sure it was edited that way, but shit, why be that kind of person? I really hope that when this whole thing is over, regardless of the outcome, Groany is just drowning in hate mail for being an obnoxious donkey throughout the season (no disrespect to donkeys).
@myrnatyrna…I noticed Groany being a total asshole in the car too. I don’t know how Bev doesn’t just go off on those hateful biatches!
Agree with the commenters on the ridiculous challenges. Seriously…just let them freaking cook for crying out loud!
As for the mini-cap/spoilers…I thought the mini-cap was just a short version of the regular recap, and therefore gave away the winners. Had no idea there’s not supposed to be spoilers…I thought the purpose of reading the mini-cap was to find out what happens, including winners/losers. Shows you what I know.
I swear we had this spoiler conversation a couple of weeks ago.
I am losing interest in this season because I want to see BRILLIANT cooking on Top Chef…not this left foot blue, right hand yellow, your ingredients are in another state, and you have 10 minutes to make a meal for the French Foreign Legion. Your time starts now.
On another topic where would be the appropriate place to talk about Brandi G from Beverly Hills Housewives having a blind date with our Orangello!
She told him to “Fuck off” or “Fuck you”.
Whoops! Spoiler!
Is there a place where Groany isn’t an asshole? She brushes her teeth like an asshole. Please tell me someone will ding her on that during the reunion.
Hi guys, I’m loving the healthy debate here, and I’m so happy to see that it has Remained Civil instead of Going Sybil…
And, yes, believe me that I am going to ding GroanyBooger in every way possible, I just hope she doesn’t ever google-image herself, because most of what comes up are pictures that I have messed with and that could be hurtful… and I will not care.
love, J-Mo
@maddox comment #17 – I had the same WTF moment. Seriously, one person’s ski barely skims the other person’s ski, “causing” one to fall down. And then to comment “There goes XYZ getting in my way…”. Um, XYZ fell down. Just because you can’t control your movements, and ran over the other person’s ski, does not warrant blaming XYZ.
Sorry if my comment is confusing, don’t want to get slammed by the spoiler police.
Well, we are a civil group. We have remained unsullied by the baaaaaad example set by Groanybooger and her co-hort. Ugh. Thank you for noticing, J-mo. Will there be kitty porn? Love, SSC
There will be if I can catch the little fuckers… they just ate a pair of my dress pants, three of Daddy’s ankle socks and pair of hot pads…
I’m anxious to read the full recap especially to find out what J-Mo has to say about a chef who did/said something to another chef who then went on to win/lose and promptly blamed/praised still yet another chef.
I understand about time zones etc. but it seems silly to me that people who choose to read recaps before watching the show need to be protected from having the show spoiled for them. But just my opinion, and much like Beverly Hills it is an asshole (or something like that)
I do think that Groany had seen herself being a dick and was trying to be kinder to Bev, but god knows she couldn’t maintain the effort for long. Is it me, or did Mousy look a tad unhinged? Sort of like Frodo the closer he got to Mt Doom?
Anyhoo, can’t wait for the recap
Nice mini, J-Mo!
Although I totally agree that at this point they should just have to cook their asses off, not freeze them off doing all this snowy shit. I rembember seasons past where for the finale the only instruction is to “cook the best meal of your life”! And since we are on the approach to that, that is what they should focus on now.
Looking forward to the full recap, and of course, kitty-porn! Sounds like they kids are pretty rambunctious and also in need of some fiber! Oh well, at least they’ll pass the best-dressed shit!
Lots O’ Love
I agree Top Chef is/has jumped the proverbial shark. It is sad that what started as a serious cooking competition is now as big or a bigger joke than a Fox reality show. Speaking of which, I have enjoyed MasterChef so much more the past few seasons compared to Top Chef. I guess I watch TC because I was in from Day 1, but damn the combo of Gordo/Bastard-ano is just so much fun!
True, it is so sad. I have watched every season of Top Chef, but the past couple of seasons have been bad. I think the last good one was the one with Carla, not the all star, the original. although actually the all star was a good season.
I can’t even get invested in the characters at all. In fact, even though i have seen every episode of this season i can’t name all 3 finalists. That’s pretty bad. My brain still tells me it’s one of my favorite shows but now my main motivation for watching it is to make space on my DVR, and that’s a shame.
Harsh, Buffy, harsh. But true. It is becoming ridic. It is fun to see what they do with odd (to say the least) ingrediences, but the producers are plumbing the depths of really bad sci-fi.
Or should I have said pro-wrestling? We have the heroes and the villains, so it works.
Great comment about the kitties needing fiber. Love, SSC
It’s for reasons exactly like this that I’ve stopped watching certain shows (ie., Project Runway, America’s Next Top Model, etc). They seem to think that the more outlandish the challenges, the more exciting the competition, but that’s just not so. I watch Top Chef to see the cheftestants pull out the stops on their COOKING, not their physical stamina. Maybe that’s why Chopped is so much better.
So I could see the pictures when I first read the minicap. But now they have disappeared.
@MyrnaTyrna -i stopped watching PR and ANTM for the same reasons. I used to really enjoy them as well. I might have to start watching Chopped.
I will miss Padma and Tom, but this will probably end up being my last season. It won’t be an intentional decision, it will just fade to black. Boo.
I know it is up to J-Mo to decide if he does not want spoilers posted in comments, but why even have a mini-cap if you can’t discuss what happened? Perhaps the whole issue can be resolved if a mini-cap is not posted. Or if people don’t want to be spoiled, just don’t read it. Do you read the full recap before you watch the show? I’m just confused. :/
RazzBeth, good question. J-Mo has the precap very soon after the show airs so that we have a nice little tease before the fullcap. It also gives us a chaance to begin the discussion of the show (note there are already 43). Most of us discuss without revealing who won, since that often is a minor issue in the recaps. It is so much fun to snark about the likes of Groanybooger.
I usually don’t watch the show until the next day or so for various reasons (one being, as I said, I am a congenital blonde and space it). Those of us who don’t watch immediately have our reasons, and it is just fun to find out “live”. If I read a spoiler it is no big deal, but I’d rather not have the “Big Reveal” until the fullcap. And I watch the show as soon after the air date as possible– makes the recap more fun. Luv, SSC
WTF? I DVRed what I thought to be Top Chef Texas and instaead I got Top Chef Antarctica.
I agree with both sides, btw. One shouldn’t necessarily read a minicap without expecting spoilers EXCEPT in the case of J-MO’s minicaps where spoilers are clearly avoided (and he usually asks the commenters to avoid them, as well). That sentence made sense in my head.
Anyway, can’t wait for the full recap. Also, I can’t see the pictures, either, and as J-Mo’s pictures are usually recap GOLD, that sucks!
Dammit “instead”. I swear I do try to edit my comments BEFORE posting but that one got away from me.
Speaking of editing…do we all make a comment and then look at said comment after posting for editing purposes or to revel in our own humorous glory?
Seems to me that there can’t be a whole lot of discussion if you can’t speak to specifics of the episode. Maybe that is just me though. (Yes, I am trying to start a comment war to get J-Mo up to 100 comments.
)
Oooo. I know. I should pretend to be Groany and whine about how it was all editing, you guys. I’m really a kind, caring, tolerant person and nothing you saw on tv actually happened! For reals, that bitch…um wonderful person Beverly and I were best friends. And I’m going to name my first spawn after her!
@RazzBeth: Excellent point about the discussion thing.
As for my personal thoughts on the final three…WOO HOO! The right ones were selected, albeit by totally fucking ridiculous means. Who effing cares if the person making your Chicken Cordon Bleu or Seared Scallops with Herb-Butter Sauce can cross country ski?!? Ah hell now I’m hungry.
@RazzBeth, didn’t you love how GBooger started the episode saying she was going to be a nice person. Is how she was in the episodes her being nice without trying? It all comes out as the same bitch.
Many of us have been mystified by the way the other chefs have reacted to Bore. Other than the note congratulating her on winning, and her personality, there seems to be no reason for all the un-love. Editing? Am I missing something?
Either way there is no mystery about the way we feel about GBooger (love that!) Can’t wait for the fullcap! And the porn. Bring it on!
I hate Teresa’s COCK! Now that that is out of the way…
I see absolutely no redeeming qualities in GBooger. At. All! And I am sure she is screaming editing, but really? There is no way she isn’t that vile.
As for Beverly and the other contestants hate for her, is there some reason that she is not getting a bad edit? I can think of one.
btw. Do we know if any of the font coding will work on comments? That way if people want to post spoilers, they can change the color of the font.
[COLOR=#FFFFFF]spoiler[/COLOR]
spolier
Guess not. Oh well.