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Thursday, November 17, 2011
1:43 am
30 Comments
Tagged: bankrupt families, bravo, competition, Daddy Tom, food, funny, hilarious, Hugh Acheson, Hughnibrow, Indiana Jones would hate this episode, J-Mo, My Super Sweet 16 Mexican Edition, not here to make friends, padma lakshmi, reality, recap, show, snakes make great belts and boots, snakes will kill you, spoof, tacky drag, Texas, throw me under a bus, tom colicchio, top chef, top chef: texas, TV, tvgasm
Hello again, ‘Gasmii, are you ready for the real Top Chef Texas to begin? Good, because while it was fun to watch the pre-qualifying rounds (simply for the sheer joy of watching so many people melt down in 60 minutes or less) there were just too damned many of them to keep track of. And actually, even sixteen chefs are still too many for me to really make sense of, and there are quite a few who get zero face-time in tonight’s episode, which is a shame…
considering Taylor Armstrong managed to get some, and she’s not even on this show
KIDDING, that can’t be Taylor Armstrong, that snake is way too fat. And it eats stuff. In any case, tonight was the very first QuickFire Challenge of Season Nine, and it just so happened that the not-so-secret ingredient was a bunch of dead snakes. Make something delicious with that, chefs! Personally, I think they all got off rather easy because a) the snake was dead (watching the chefs wrangle them live out of a tank would have been HILARIOUS, people do funny things under the influence of rattler-venom) and 2) they were already skinned (I would kill to see Padma picking snake-scales out of her teeth and starting to complain, only to have Hugh Acheson shut her down by reminding her she used to blow Salman Rushdie). The Magical Elves missed a golden opportunity. Regardless, it is an entertaining challenge, especially seeing how oogy some of the chefs get over handling this kind of slithery, slimy protein. I’m glad I didn’t have to eat any of what they produced (and that’s saying something, because I am not afraid to put disgusting things in my mouth).
Next, for the first Elimination Challenge, the chefs were divided into two teams, one Turquoise Green and the other Tacky Pink, and they were charged with cooking the food for a young Mexican-American girl’s most special day…
the day she auditions for RuPaul’s Drag Race
Sadly, that dress is far too tasteful and understated to make it with the Ru Crew. In actuality, the chefs are catering a quinceañera, which is Spanish for “draining dad’s bank account”. Think I’m kidding? MTV used to have a TV show about the Caucasian-American version of this. It was called My Super Sweet 16, and the parties they profiled on the show are partially to blame for the economic meltdown of the U.S. and the rise of the new class warfare. Thankfully, the young lady whose rite-of-passage party is being catered by Top Chef seems very sweet and kind and, above all, hungry. She doesn’t need an entrance via helicopter, or a new Lamborghini, or J-Lo doing terrible Selena impressions at her party, she just wants some good Mexican food and a nice piece of cake.
Unfortunately for her, there is only one Latino chef in the bunch, and the rest of them are pretty much swatting at piñatas in the dark when it comes to making comida Mexicano auténtico. The first clue? Someone buys frozen pre-cooked food. The second clue? Someone else buys pre-made tortillas. The third clue?…
someone makes something that tickles Daddy Tom, pisses off Hughnibrow and scares Scar
And yes, the good old Murderous Reality Show Bus™ is back, and the accusations of who’s driving it are already flying. Come back in a couple of days for the full recap. In the meantime, if you haven’t checked out last week’s recap yet, you can find it here.
love, J-Mo
30 Comments
In defense of the chef that was tossed under said bus — I have only had enchiladas made with flour tortillas. Yes, even at restaurants owned by actual (gasp!!) Mexican Americans. I think that our poor departed chef was right in that it is a regional thing.
Plus it was beyond hypocritical for another chef to be praised for their pairing of a traditional Mexican food with Kim Chee, yet the auffed chef to get reemed for not being totally authentic.
Anywayss I cannot wait for the recap!
OMG, Hughnibrow’s hughnibrow is so distracting! I can’t even hear what he’s saying because I’m so fixated by the caterpillar doing situps between his eyes.
OMG, Hughnibrow’s hughnibrow is so distracting! I can’t even hear what he’s saying because I’m so fixated by that caterpillar doing situps between his eyes.
Hmmm…why did that post twice?
Odd.
The mind game the producers played on the chefs was entertaining….. there were those few seconds where it seemed like the snakes might actually be alive. Really, there was no other reason for those hinged boxes that contained the snakesssssss.
Both those cakes looked rough. The one girl (can’t remember names yet) should never had said she was a pastry chef first, cause her cake was the worst out of the two. Not sure I like this redemption island twist, although if it can get Keith back on I may change my mind. Can’t wait for the full recap J-Mo! Where’s the kitty porn?
What’s with Padma’s mouth? “I wanna see some motherfuckin’ snake on some motherfuckin’ plates.” WTF? I don’t like her even when she keeps it zipped.
I live in Texas and just about every Mexican Resturant I go to no matter the dish (burrito, enchilida, soft taco) the server will ask “corn or fluor” I personally do no like corn tortillas and make it a point to always get fluor.. I’m going to miss Black Santa
. I was hoping to would eliminate Fat Justine Beiber
WTH is up with my spelling?!?! Fluor is an engineering company in Texas not a tortilla … backt to nail skool for me
@crankyguy – that was a reference to the line from Snakes on a Plane, which is probably the only thing people remember about that movie because no one saw it, but a lot saw the trailer.
The woman who said she studied pastry made a good cake that looked bad because it drooped from the heat of the kitchen. Pastry kitchens are usually freezing because of that. But the other cake? I laughed when I saw how much frosting she used. That would frightening.
Thanks vallegirl. I thought she just pulled it out of the air, and I was worried that she might be trying to go gangsta on us. Snakes on a Plane was one of those movies that I purposely avoided, so her reference went over my head.
In defense of the movie, it’s totally cheesy fun. I recommend it – Samuel Jackson kicks ass as usual.
@Faye
LOL! fat justin beiber? I was calling her FATlene because she looks like a fat falene from the last season of Project Runway.
Whatevs, I still like her. But now I can’t unsee the beiber!
(I call the other fat chick BABYBACK (because of her calling the ribs first episode) and the quickfire winner EYESHADOW for obvious reasons. We have some other nicknames for contestants, but I can always count on tvgasm to make me laugh with their own versions)
How fun would it be to have Samuel Jackson as a guest judge on Top Chef??? He could point a loaded pastry bag at the contestants and lay down some serious Pulp Fictionesque critique. (“And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers…WITH OVERCOOKED SHRIMP!”)
WTH I haven’t seen this episode yet because the internet hates me. How the heck is there not a single place to watch this episode online. I am including legal ways too because when I downloaded it from itunes it was totally last weeks episode.
@Bananas – If you have T-Mobile, there’s an APP for that. TV Mobile T.V. have this week’s and last week’s episode right on your phone
.. It’s an extra 12.99 a month but it sure comes in handy at work when I missed the previous days Young and the Restless!!
@Bananas – It was posted late. It just started showing up on the internet about an hour ago.
Samuel Jackson as a judge on TC – best idea EVER.
About the leaning cake… It was a Tres Leches cake which is very moist and heavy. Delicious, but if it doesn’t lend itself to stacking. Even Alton Brown makes his as a sheet cake. I am sure that the heat also was a factor because Tres Leches is supposed to be kept refrigerated until serving.
+1 on enjoying Snakes on a Plane. It was good, clean, not-so-wholesome fun.
As for the double-post… it’s because you were posting about the Hugh-ni-brow. You subconsciously thought “there’s supposed to be two of those things”, so you added the second post to compensate.
All told, a fun enough episode. I think we’ve got early contender for the Top Chef Pain in the Ass Award (the TCPITAAs — Tikipitas?) with Bus-Thrower.
J-Mo! Loved you on the podcast. My hubby and I laughed our asses off.
We already have two candidates for head conductor of “the bus you threw me under”. That must be a record. The blonde one on the fail team I am calling “HIGH ANXIETY!” (said in the way Mel Brooks did in that movie) because she looks like she two seconds from a shriek fest and the second one is definitely Fat Justine Beiber. These two heiffas are going to be an issue – I can feel it.
Yay for last chance top chef!
Christ, what is with that asian chick chef and all the emotions, daily affirmations and crying! I like my asians to be inscrutable!!
(Yes, in a previous life I was working in Hollywood during the 40′s as a casting director)
Snakes on a plane is awesome and gross!
LAC, I agree…(I think her name is) Beverly Kim has been giving us all kinds of motivational messages and “failure is not an option”isms, but then she just sniffles and whimpers a lot. (I love whomever says in next week’s preview, “there’s no crying in cooking!”) And traditional Asian culture notwithstanding, when she said “I want to show my parents that even though I’m JUST a daughter…”, I thought, Wow – that’s a lot of baggage to bring to a cooking contest.
Trying to win the love and acceptance of your emotionally-withholding, gender-biased parents by puttin’ a muthafkn’ snake on a muthafkn’ plate…well, I guess that’s why there are psychotherapists in the world.
JMo, I thought I was the only one who thought My Super Sweet 16 was the domino that brought down the economy. Simpatico!
I’ve only had enchiladas with flour tortillas, I’ve never even seen an enchilada made with a corn tortilla. It totally has to be a regional thing?
My GF is from Puerto Rico and her hubby is Mexican. I asked him about the flour vs corn debate. He said that he has never heard of an enchilada with a flour tortilla, but he wouldn’t put it past some of those “new wave people”. LOL. He is from Zacatecass. He also said that making a flour enchilada would be like using flour for a tamale instead of masa. So, my unofficial search for the answer ended up with no real answer other than I think it is regional too and/or the way someone grew up eating them. I have only had corn enchiladas myself.
Just as an aside, my GF doesn’t like Mexican food much and he doesn’t care for Puerto Rican food! But they have managed to stay together despite their cullinary differences for 23 yrs
She also thinks the music sounds like polka, but that is another story..
I just want to know what the hell is up with Ed’s mouth. It is so distracting. My ears can’t hear what he says because my eyes are so distracted by his wonky jaw. Also, I forgot to mention last week and didn’t want to bring the thread up for a PS, when Ed shook hands with the judges after he was given a chef’s coat he had no bandage on his hand. His hand was perfect. Not saying that he didn’t injure himself, just saying that the timing or editing was off when they filmed the final “bubble” contestants.
Looking forward to seeing what is on your menu for us this week JMO!
I’m not above a cheap frozen dinner from WalMart every once in a while. Don’t judge me. The frozen “authentic” El Patio enchilada dinners are made with corn tortillas. I can’t recall any Mexican restaurant where I have had enchiladas with flour. If I wanted something like that with flour, I would get a wet burrito.
They are called chimichangas and they are delicious
Chimichanga: Deep-fried burrito. Right? On one of these cooking shows somebody got yelled at for taking the easy way out to make something (I don’t remember what) taste better by deep frying it. I don’t understand judging like that. Did frying make it taste good, or not?
Deep frying makes everything taste good.
In Spain many kitchens are equipped with a deep fryer built in alongside the stove. Yes, frying makes everything taste good