Minicap: Vanderpump Rules

OMG, Gasmii, if I had to work at this restaurant, I would have an eating disorder, a drinking problem, and a flirtation with pain medication.  Ain’t nobody can get you down like family, and when you move to a new city and try to create a family for yourself, but you pick assholes, life can get seriously stressful.  I know, I’ve been there, but it was nowhere near as bad as the incestuous drama pit that is Sur.  That’s why you haven’t seen me on reality television – I’m better at picking friends than most people on it.  Except maybe the “Jersey Shore” kids.  Say what you want about them, they’re having a fucking blast.

Anywho, onto the mayhem.  This week is all about the nuclear fallout from Vegas, which has gotten so intense, Lisa actually calls a staff meeting to deal with it.  Absolutely nothing was resolved, but everyone yelled at Stassi, so I enjoyed it.  Speaking of Stassi, any sympathy she conjured in me last week by being bulldozed by her friends and ex, pisses it all away.  She freaks out when she finds out Jax is dating again and has had the gall to do it with a co-worker, Laura-Leigh.  It’s Stassypocrisy at its finest.  She sends bullying (HORRIBLE) texts to LL, and winds up being called out on for them during the staff meeting.  Also, Schaena gets to open for Tina (heehee) at the Roxy, and Stassi goes solely to make fun of her.  These are things one talks about, but doesn’t actually do, because talking about them is funny, but doing them is shitty.  Finally, on her first day back after her suspension (which she received for NOT COMING TO WORK) she tries to leave work early so she doesn’t have to work with Kristen, Jax and Laura-Leigh.  STOP. WHINING. BITCH.

In other news, Schaeana’s show is… pretty Schaena, but she’s made a bunch of new friends in Kristen, Katie, Jax and the two TomS.  They’ve discovered that letting Stassi be their social cruise director meant less fun.  Duh.  Ironically, while Schaena was busy being better liked by Stassi’s former friends, Stassi herself turned a corner when she realized how sucky it was to be alone and started liking Schaena, too.  I feel like Schaena might be an evil genius.  I don’t know how else she’s managed to come out smelling like a Goddamn rose with her track record.  More power to ya, Chickadee.

See you tomorrow with the full recap!