Kathy Griffin: Comedian, Emmy Winner, Friend of Gays
Kathy Griffin: married, mom, Jesus freak, sells fiberglass stuff
I will not sink to the obvious that one is black and one is white so instead we’ll call the famous Emmy winner Kathy Ginger and the non-famous one can be…Non-Famous Kathy.
Non-Famous Kathy lives in Georgia with her husband the Candyman and lazy kids and they have a REALLY nice house. I wonder if she’s still going to get a present at the end since they are clearly rich. Kathy Ginger shows up and one of the sons can’t be bothered to even come outside. I’m torn between thinking that’s totally awesome and completely rude. The awesome because celebrities are so used to ass kissing and rude because…well, she’s a guest, asshole. Get off your phone, pull up your pants, and go say hello.
Non Famous Kathy links up with Kathy Ginger’s assistant and take off to go meet Kathy Ginger’s super adorable old mom Maggie. I thought Kathy Ginger was exaggerating about the extent of Franzia consumption but that shit is out on the counter like a frat house formal and surrounded by goblets so I guess it’s true. Back in Georgia, Kathy Ginger has only been there for one day and she’s already pissed that Non Famous Kathy’s sons don’t help at all around the house or with preparing dinner. I should point out that the sons are full grown adults, so you don’t picture toddlers getting yelled at for not helping. Though a good toddler would know its place. I already liked Kathy Ginger but I like her even more now. And fuck those kids too. I don’t even know what this guy’s name is but he suffers from the same thing all those Teen Mom douches have that causes chronic yawning. You have hands you entitled shitmonster. Cut a goddamn vegetable.
Non Famous Kathy is meeting up with Kathy Ginger’s gays. She’s asking a whole bunch of ignorant bible thumping questions but the gays are handling it well. I kind of want to punch her in the face right now. She has a fundamental misunderstanding that the gays are born this way. Fuck. Non-Famous Kathy just made me quote Lady Gaga. Now I really want to punch her in the face.
Kathy Ginger is off for a day of work at Non Famous Kathy’s job which may be the most boring thing I’ve ever heard of someone doing. Fiberglass yarn? Is that what they’re saying? She meets one of the nerds that Non Famous Kathy works with and learns more than anyone never wanted to know about fiberglass. It’s boring so we’re going to move on. Non Famous Kathy goes on The Talk and gets to meet Stacey Carosi and Sharon Osborne. She gets in some shit from Kathy Ginger’s publicist for not pimping show dates but that publicist can suck a weiner. Non Famous Kathy’s never done this before. Cut her some slack, lady.
Non Famous Kathy is stuck in a nightmare she can’t get out of. She’s forced to spend more time with the gays and host an event that I should have been attending years ago called Gay Bingo. She pretends like she’s totally fine with everything and good for her. But I call bullshit on someone who’s believed one thing for actual decades flipping in a day. She might be expanding her beliefs but she’s not “So cool with it,” as she claims.
At the end of the switch, Non Famous Kathy is having a meltdown. She’s supposed to come up with a five minute stand up routine that she was tasked with at the beginning of the episode. Dude, 5 minutes is a REALLY long time to do standup when you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing. Poor Non Famous Gay Hating Kathy. Luckily, Kathy Ginger rounds up Candyman and company to head to LA for the show. Hopefully Non Famous Kathy can fake comedy for longer than she faked liking the gays. At the end of the show, hugs all around, Non Famous Kathy likes gays now and everyone is happy.
Turns out, Non Famous Kathy does get a present. Kathy Ginger managed to get those freeloaders out of her house, which is worth probably more than an material item that could have ever been gifted.